Completely Pointless Exercise

by Big T33 on Feb 21, 2012 7:40 AM CST

In this time of uncertainty it feels like we're getting a little too stressed out. Will we keep Mario Williams? Will we keep Arian Foster? Will Uncle Bob move the team to LA? (Please don't hurt me) WR, NT, or kicker in the 1st round this coming April? Should we trade all of our picks to Denver for Tim Tebow?

So many serious questions to consider and stress over, so I wanted to provide a list of pointless questions that could be fun to hash out. I tried not to make the questions so far out there that they aren't semi-believable. Disclaimer: No, I don't expect ANY of the following situations to actually happen. This is purely for the fun of something a little different.

1) If Andrew Luck or RG3 slightly tweak something and somehow fall to us in the draft...do you take him?

2) What sort of trade would you consider for Brian Cushing?

3) If another team offered Foster a TON of money, causing the Texans to cut one large salary (one that has not been previously discussed, so Jacoby Jones, Turk, the old QB's, etc can't be considered) who do you cut in order to be capable of matching the offer? Note: this is considered impossible because the team wouldn't just start cutting players at random to keep Foster...I don't think.

4) What would it take for us to trade #80? Remember, he's been injured and he's starting to get up there in age for a WR. (Notice how I can't even write his name for this one.)

5) If you could look ahead and know that the Texans injury bug would be even WORSE in 2012 than this past year. Causing the team to (gasp) miss the playoffs. What would you do differently this offseason since this is no longer "our year" and no major changes would affect the 2012 season?

Let's have some fun with this, hopefully we can keep this light hearted. If it's popular I'll try to come up with some new questions later on in the off season.

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Good questions!

1) In a heartbeat. In fact, if either of them makes it past 15 (I know, not gonna happen), I’d be on the phones looking to trade up.

2) None. Well, that’s never true… Two first-rounders, I suppose.

3) Well, DeMeco has gotten discussed a lot. Owen Daniels is somebody I’d consider cutting, but his cap hit is only about $4.5 million per year going forward. I’d have to consider Antonio Smith, as well. He’s a very productive player, but $8 million per year is steep.

4) Sentimentality aside? Probably one first-rounder. He’s injury-prone and on a contract that’s going to look worse every year. But in the interest of Andre retiring as a Texan, I don’t think I could pull the trigger.

5) I wouldn’t re-sign Mario. I’d use that remaining cap room to frontload other contracts (Myers, possibly Foster, Dreessen, Brisiel).

by Nashmeister on Feb 21, 2012 8:05 AM CST reply actions

I'll give it a try

1. No. If they tweaked badly enough to fall that far in the draft, the tweak has to be so completely debilitating, that the player is now worthless.

2. To trade Cushing would leave a massive hole in the NFL’s #2 defense. Wade Phillips himself said that Cushing was a monster last season. I think he will only get better. Honestly, I would never make the trade, because you lose so much proven talent. But, to answer, in return I would have to receive a proven player, also. No draft pick is a certainty. It would have to be a straight up trade for another player of All-Pro status.

3. This is a math problem. You want to keep Foster, but you have to cut other players, so value has to equal value in terms of dollars. I assume that Foster’s offer is in the vicinity of $8-11 million per year, since we’re talking huge. If you decided you can’t live without Foster and need to match that crazy offer, then that seals Mario’s fate. He gets cut.

4. If you have to trade AJ, then there is no replacement for what he gives you. There just isn’t. But, you have to fill that WR1 slot with the best player available, which means I am looking at one of the top free agent WRs out there, and there are a few.

5. Last season, the team lost their QB, best pass rusher, lead RB (for a period), lead WR (for a period), a starting S (for a period), a starting OG (for a period). How could it get worse? Well, I suppose all those players go down again, plus the leading tackler, Cushing goes down. Now, the team is weakened and you say they have no chance. But, you know what? I think they do. But, you are making the rules, so that means they also lose Tate for the season, OD and Dreessen go down for the season. Who else? Oh, Thor goes down again and Johnathan Joseph is lost for the season. Now and only now do I think they will miss the playoffs and the season is in essence lost, because that is the goal. What do they do? Next Man Up, is all they can do. They plug their holes and move forward, hopefully they find a needle in the haystack and are able to get their injured players healthy for next season and the team is now stronger because they found some new guys that can play.

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Feb 21, 2012 8:45 AM CST reply actions

It wouldnt have to be injury related to cause them to fall to 26

For example:

Suppose Luck got a lower Wunderlich score than VY….because he was out partying the night before, and as luck would have it, it started to rain…inside the club.

Under that very plausible scenario, would you draft one of them?

by BleachBum on Feb 21, 2012 7:42 PM CST up reply actions

I forgot

to throw in my own answers.

1) As we saw this season, it’s always good to have multiple good QB’s on a roster. Potential future trade bait, or future leader of this team (depending on so many potential circumstances) I’d have to seriously consider taking one of them. As long as the injury isn’t so bad that they should be drafted in the 6th round…I say go for it.

2) I would require two young, above average players in return for Cushing. Both would have to be starters in 2012. Preferably defensive players. A starting LB plus CB2, both above average and in their 2nd or 3rd season could work.

3) Depends on total amount paid to Foster and other FA plans. I’d probably cap it at $10-11 million per year, not signing Mario, dropping DeMeco and Leinart. But I’d take a really serious look at Tate again before I paid that much to Foster.

4) Starting, #1 WR, mid 20’s in age, plus one other needed starter. No, you can’t replace him, but overall you’re improving the team. If we got 2 above average starters at WR (plus kept Foster) then we might be able to recoup losing AJ a bit by having more options to spread the ball to.

5) I’m thinking lose QB1 & 2 in preseason/week 1, Foster for the season, OD for the season…etc for this scenario to play out. We’re talking complete devastation by week 3 of all/most major players on all sides of the ball. We’re talking Turk punting in week 2 even. Even Kubiak gets wiped out by a freak sideline collision with Cushing (which also takes out Cushing’s right knee). In this end-of-the-world scenario, I’d first buy stock in bleach and all hard liqueur/beer companies since obviously they would have record sales here in Houston. THEN I would start looking at the moves that would make us fans go “huh?”. Go Madden with it. AJ return a few punts (until he’s out with a…broken collar bone), try Kareem at Safety, put TJ with Lestar Jean, Thor, Jeff Mael, Juaquin Iglesias, etc. See what the young guys could do. Shoot, break out spread offenses, the option, play a game with zero run plays called…just see what guys could become stars in 2013. Think Mister Alexander could replace Cushing when his contract expires? Why not find out? A hidden talent like Foster was could suddenly break out and save us from having to spend big bucks on resigning someone in the next off season.

Would this scenario suck? Of course! But how much fun (really) was seeing relative unknowns step up this past year? If we have low expectations and suddenly humiliate the BE-SF’s with a bunch of scrubs, how much fun could that be? Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray this never, ever happens. But at least we’d be in it for solely entertainment purposes and not regarding each game as life-or-death.

Thank you Texans for 2011.
The 2012 season can't start soon enough.

by Big T33 on Feb 21, 2012 9:45 AM CST reply actions

I just can't bring myself to play this

I was going to take a stab at it, but I would commit seppuku if I ever had to trade andre. It would bring great dishonor on my family.

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by Taco Joe on Feb 21, 2012 9:55 AM CST reply actions

I was just trying to decide where to go to lunch,..... thx!

"All our lives we're taught to get in line. The ones who conform never discover." - Undrafted Free Agent and NFL Rushing Leader Arian Foster

by Rip Jersey on Feb 21, 2012 10:52 AM CST up reply actions

lol

by Taco Joe on Feb 21, 2012 3:12 PM CST up reply actions

Okay Here Goes --- I know I will regret this later but-----

1. If either falls that far they are not worth a #1 contract… I’d pass and look for a UDFA QB
2. An aged but effective player at the same position and a great 1st rounder for next year and 3 mid round picks for the following two.
3. Winston and Owen Daniels should be sent packing
4. A younger 6’+ / 200lb+ speedster with decent hands and two first rounders with some cash …. could make it easier
5. Look on ways to make Wade our next head coach and Peyton our new OC. A Little southern flair….YEAH!!!

Doin stuff so nasty that you have to do it twice to confirm the level of nasty!!

by TEXSON on Feb 21, 2012 11:07 AM CST reply actions

well as long as it is pointless I will play along

1. My first option would be to trade the pick to someone who has a greater need. Someone who passed on him in the first ten picks might very well be interested in trading a couple lower picks to get him at 26
2. I seriously doubt anyone would offer enough for me to trade him
3. It would have to be a bunch of players or a large contract. I think it would be Mario’s large contract
4. An up and coming star WR and a #1 pick. It would have to be a lopsided deal to compensate for the PR issues with trading him
5. I wouldnt be near as interested in the free agent market, and would be less likely to resign some of our older players. I would try to accumulate draft choices and draft more players I would expect needed a year or two to develop.

by BleachBum on Feb 21, 2012 11:30 AM CST reply actions

Okay let me try this

1. Both of them would probably have to tear an ACL or shatter their leg & have to go on IR immediately for that to happen. The Colts would just take Luck & beg Peyton to come back for one more season if that happened. The Redskins would probably do the same with RGIII & deal with one more season of sucking till he comes back. Neither would fall to us in any kind of scenario.

2. For Brian Cushing? No less than two 1sts, two 2nds, & two 3rds, possibly even two 4ths

3. Antonio Smith. If we can get Derek Wolfe in the draft, that would be his replacement

4. Larry Fitzgerald or Mike Wallace

5. Do not trade up under any circumstances & find your depth in the draft

Murphy’s 20th Military Law:
If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid
"Fuck em all. Go Texans."

by The Night Owl on Feb 21, 2012 12:15 PM CST reply actions

Here I go

1) yes as long as there is a guarantee that they will be able to play sometime this season and the next. yates is good but griffin has running ability. either would be great backups and future starters. i would trade luck or pass on him. he strikes me as retarded and don’t know how he is so good.

2) Patrick Willis, haloti ngata, or clay matthews. Only three players i take for him. draft picks would have to be included if i dont get all three. a couple of firsts and seconds with third round as the lowest compensation possible.

3) I would cut winston or daniels. either can be replaced although winston would be a little harder. twss

4) I would never trade Andre. I’d rather commit hello kitty before I did that. You don’t trade the greatest player since Earl and someone who has shown so much loyalty and trust to the team and city. If i did, the team that i traded him to would have to give me their entire draft for the next 80 years. picks 1 – 7. and he would have to be enshrined in canton as a texan not as the team he got traded to.

5) I’d hold open tryouts and hope that some bloggers make the team. I would use them for spare parts to heal the injured players with. If said bloggers were no good, then I would sacrifice them to stop or minimize the severity of the injuries.

- Feeling the five stages of grief since 2002.

"It's either gonna make you a man or a coward. One of the two. I'm a be a man. I ain't never seen a coward, heard a coward, coward not in ma
vocabulary." - Lawrence Vickers

"I believe in this "zombie team that won’t fucking die no matter how many body parts you shoot off." We can win this game.

by NoSafetiesNeeded on Feb 21, 2012 3:10 PM CST reply actions

1) Yes. If Luck or RGIII fall to us, we should take them. We should probably be drafting BPA, actually.

2) I don’t know exactly what Cushing is worth, or if there’s anything high enough in value to talk me into trading him. I mean, I guess a blockbuster Patrick Willis-for-Brian Cushing trade would work, but in the NFL, that’s not exactly realistic.

3) I say Matt Schaub. He’s a major player, sure, but is he worth more than Foster to our offense? Absolutely not. I’d probably wind up going after a QB in the draft, though.

4) No. You do NOT trade Andre Johnson. He is to the Texans what Brian Ching is to the Dynamo, in that he is the definitive face of the franchise. He is a Texan for life. If we were to somehow lose him, we should do whatever is necessary to get him back.

5) Assuming none of the theoretical 2012 injuries are career-ending, that season doesn’t cause me to do anything differently in this year’s offseason. We’ll still be a contender, and our needs are still the same.

Houston Texans: 1 Playoff Win.
Vince Young, Dunta Robinson, and Jason Babin: 0 Combined Playoff Wins.

by T-Moar on Feb 21, 2012 9:16 PM CST reply actions

#4

Who? How about Bagwell or Biggio instead. We still have a soccer team? There’s a definitive face for the Dynamo? Ok, I’ll stop.

Thank you Texans for 2011.
The 2012 season can't start soon enough.

by Big T33 on Feb 22, 2012 7:25 AM CST up reply actions

Have to take these a few at a time:

1) no
2) Patrick Willis, but only if they throw in the Winklevoss twins so I can send them to Philly and negate VY’s winning.
3) I cut…the GM of the team offering the money. Then I keep Foster, and still take their 1st round pick. Fuck Tebowing, that’s Deebo’ing.

by JBal on Feb 25, 2012 7:38 AM CST via Android app reply actions

Continued:

4) the 2012 apocalypse
5) I would encourage as much steroid use as possible in the hopes that if the season is lost, teams will still be scared to even come to Reliant next year. “uh…can I sit this one out coach? The Texans are fucking crazy!”