In between posting predictions of a 3-13 or 4-12 record for your 2012 Houston Texans, NoSafetiesNeeded found the time to fulfill his draft duties as fake GM for the New England Patriots. His selection, which could cause some of you to rehash a debate that has already been had at least 1,759,015 times, is after the jump.
I would like to thank the Houston Texans' front office for stealing who I wanted. After asking other teams for a trade, (BTW, thanks to everyone who ignored my requests), and not being able to pull that off, I am stuck with Plan C.
The Patriots lost last year's Super Bowl because of cheap shot artist Bernard Pollard. He delivered another one of his greatest hits, this time sidelining and rendering the greatest tight end in all of Dustin Pedroia Country, Rob Gronkowski, ineffective. The Patriots' receivers also forgot how to catch, as Brady's beautiful wife reminded us, and this would be a good spot to reinforce the receiving corps. Fortunately for me, Darth Hoodie (all hail Bill Belichick) signed every free agent wide receiver available, solving that problem for me.
On defense, the Patriots have a ton of needs. The entire D is young and relies on Vince WIlfork's ability to shut down the opposing team's all-star wide receiver. Wilfork looks to build on his two interception season by becoming a bigger ballhawk than last year (yes, it is possible). With Dont'a Hightower and Whitney Mercilus still available, it would be stupid not to take one of them. Belichick loves confusing opposing quarterbacks and either one of those players would greatly help his cause.
So with the 27th pick in the 2012 BRB Mock Draft, the New England Patriots select Coby Fleener (TE--Stanford).
This draft is deep in defensive talent, and with another pick in the first round, the Pats select someone who can step in and cause opposing defensive coordinators to just quit. Tom Brady would have 6'6" (Rob Gronkowski), 6'2" (Aaron Hernandez), and 6'6" (Coby Fleener) of TE to throw to. Now I don't know about you, but that is a lot of TE. Like over 60 feet worth. This move will allow Belichick to do what he has always wanted--start Welkah, Woodhead, Edelman, and Mesko in the secondary.
Well, that was...unexpected. HabitualHoustonFan has until 7 p.m. CDT this evening to e-mail the Packers' pick to MDC and I.
An updated look at how the first round has shaken out: