How much do you hate the Chokeboys? Worse than rectal parasites, right? So when they are the Texans' next opponent, don't you get a bigger buzz in game week? Of course you do! So wouldn't you like to get that buzz twice a year instead of once every four years? "Sure I would," you say, "but they're in, like, another Conference ‘n' stuff."

Well, yes they are. Despite being less than 400 miles apart, Houston and South Tulsa are needlessly far apart in terms of opportunities for some good, old fashioned sports hatin'. Many other geographically natural rivals are similarly separated by the NFL's rather haphazard arrangement of conferences and divisions. Pittsburgh and Philadelphia? A natural. Kansas City and St. Louis? Of course. Jets and Giants? Wow, think that wouldn't be a hot home-and-home...in the same home?

Obviously, the NFL is missing some fun opportunities for plate glass smashing and car burning in its cities, so after the break we will fix that for the league with...

The Rivalry Realignment

This new alignment is based primarily on geographic proximity, with travel considerations playing a secondary role to regional hatreds. Teams like Seattle or Arizona with no nearby or in-state rivals remain the irrelevant pariahs they are today. Here is my first run at it; modifications from the BRB horde are invited:

AFC South____AFC West____AFC East___AFC North

Houston----------Oakland-----------Baltimore------Buffalo

Methopotamia--San Diego--------Carolina--------Cleveland

N' Awlins---------San Francisco---Cincinnati-----Indianapolis

South Tulsa-----Seattle-------------Washington---New England

NFC South____NFC West____NFC East____NFC North

Atlanta-------------Arizona-----------NY Giants-------Chicago

Jacksonville-----Denver-------------NY Jets----------Detroit

Miami--------------Kansas City-----Philadelphia---Green Bay

Tampa Bay------St. Louis----------Pittsburgh------Minneapolis

Teams would also each be allowed to designate two permanent, "traditional" rivals before realignment. Where teams agree with each other, one or two old rivalry games would be held each year between them, alternating home teams annually. Teams who found no one who hated them enough to care would be tossed into the regular schedule churn each year for all their non-divisional games.

Whaddya think, BRB? Does amping up the weekly tension a wee bit appeal to you? Got any suggestions on how to rearrange the teams differently?