I am totally aware that the amount of information and insight contained in part one of our predictions probably left some of you light-headed. Unconfirmed reports out of Lufkin have at least one BRB hospitalized with a stroke, allegedly caused by Tim's answers. So, uh, sorry about that. I probably should have put a disclaimer on it or something.
In part two of the prognostibation, we address the Fangupo question, discuss specific players, and debate the merits of having a former country superstar's kid on the team. As always, any suggestion that my questions had a typo are lies made up by filthy lying liars.
Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.
6. MOAR FANGUPO?
Rivers: As with any nose tackle that has ever had the possibility of unseating Shaun Cody that we didn't spend any actual money on, Fangupo is a fraud and talking about him is a waste of our collective time.
BFD: Please? Earl Mitchell clearly isn't an adequate answer. Nor is Shaun Cody. People will say, "look, we weren't that bad last year," which is kinda true! The fact is, according to FO, we were 17th against the run up the middle, tied for our worst mark at right end. Against left end, left tackle, and right tackle, we were elite. And there are two reasons for this: Shaun Cody and Antonio Smith. Teams will do a better job exploiting these problems in 2012 as we've already seen in the pre-season.
But, the fact is Fangupo was undrafted for a reason, and there's little reason to believe he's any sort of answer.
TexansDC: I'll just hope Cody's back holds up this season and the Texans address NT next year when he's a free agent.
Vega: If you mean more chances to say, "Fangupo," then yes. I’m in.
Tim: No, thank you. I'm good. Had a big lunch
UprootedTexan: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but "COME BACK, SHAUN CODY!!!"
MDC: MOAR FANGUPO sounds like the name of an island in the Indian Ocean. Which I suppose makes Hebron Fangupo the rightful heir to the throne of that tiny island nation. With his BYU education, he's probably some sort of englightened despot, adored by his people.
Lord, I've gone completely off the rails here. That's what talking about Texans NTs does to me. What was the question? Oh, right. Yes, moar of him, please. Or not. Moar of quality NT play. That's what I want. I think it's what I want. I've never actually seen it on this team. Let's stop talking about this.
BFD: Last year's 39.
Vega: 38. I think this will be his final season in Houston. I foresee a goodbye tour second only to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s.
UprootedTexan: I'm going to say 45.
Tim: I'm setting it at 41. And that's fine, because James Casey, Owen Daniels, and Keshawn Martin will pick up the slack.
MDC: 32. I think people are underestimating the number of options Schaub has and will use. Against New Orleans, he completed his first 8 passes to 7 different people. Plus, it's my biggest hope that we see a lot of the uber-sexy three-TE set, and that will generally leave Walter off the field entirely.
8. Is the availability of "Reliant's a lot like Reno" and "I don't call him Daddy" jokes enough of a reason to keep Phil Supernaw on the Texans? Because I kinda feel like it is.
Vega: I think the fact that his name is Phil Supernaw is reason enough.
MDC: Yes, though I don't think you need any reason beyond the entertainment value of the nuttier-than-squirrel-turds adventures of his dad, Doug. Still, the chance that I'd get to make a "Battle Red and Rio Grande" reference pleases me, so I hope he sticks around. (Spoiler: He won't.)
Tim: You don't even need the jokes. Simply having the offspring of the genius who sang "Reno" on the 53-man roster is enough of a justification.
"You know, a lady's a lot like Reno..."
You're singing it now, aren't you? And you're loving every second of it. He has to at least make the practice squad, and I demand Doug be tapped to sing the national anthem before every home game this season.
UprootedTexan: In that respect, you would be quite wrong.
9. Rookie you are most excited to watch this season?
Rivers: Keshawn Martin.
MDC: Jared Crick. Despite my hatred for the Huskers, I've been a big fan of Crick's over the last few seasons, and I felt that he'd be perfect for Wade's defense. When he got injured and his draft stock fell, it seemed like we might actually be in a position to draft him. So now I want him to be awesome so I can tout my brilliance. It always comes back to that, honestly.
Tim: Keshawn Martin. He's going to be a contributor in the slot. It is his destiny.
UprootedTexan: Whitney Mercilus. I look forward to seeing him chase after quarterbacks like they stole the missing tip of his finger.
tGC: Ming, obviously.
BFD: Keshawn Martin, with Brandon Brooks a close second.
Vega: Dan Persa. Oh, you meant a Texans rookie? I’ll go with Whitney Mercilus as I’m excited to see him in situa … What do you mean Dan Persa’s not on an NFL roster?!?!?!
TexansDC: Randy B--oh wait, um, Keshawn Martin since I'll often be saying: "Jacoby Jones can't do that. Jacoby Jones wouldn't have caught that."
10. Non-rookie you are most excited to watch this season?
BFD: Andre Johnson. When healthy, he's still a man among children on the field. His presence on the field is just so different, and he's easily one of my all-time favorite players to watch.
Rivers: That's not even a sentence. Johnathan Joseph.
TexansDC: Matt Schaub, who has looked utterly masterful running this offense in the preseason.
Vega: Can I have two? Yes? Ok, thanks. I’m going with J.J. Watt and James Casey. After the last few games of last season, I’ve been dreaming of J.J. Watt all off-season. As for Casey, it’s not just his receiving abilities that have me excited. I’ve been absolutely giddy about his blocking this preseason. He may not be blowing people up, but he’s got great vision and makes effective blocks. His play will make Foster’s and Tate’s jobs much easier.
Tim: I'm going to say Johnathan Joseph, even though I rarely find myself actually watching him. I rest easy knowing that an entire half of the field is under virtual lock and key. When one harkens back to the days of a Jacques Reeves/Petey Faggins duo starting at CB, it makes what J-Jo does even more remarkable.
UprootedTexan: Lestar Jean. It's time to see if he's going to be either the greatest receiver in Texans history or the greatest receiver in the history of the known universe (or barring that, if he can come close to living up to the hype).
tGC: BRAIN CRUSHING.
MDC: Glover Quin. Like I said in the postgame thread, I think this is the season that Glover Quin becomes one of the best safeties in the NFL. I like everything about his game -- he can cover, he can hit (just ask Chris Ivory!), he's not C.C. Brown. All of these are very important things. Especially the last one.
Honorable mention goes to James Casey. Words like "mancrush" and "stalker" and "creeping me out" get bandied about in this day and age, but that doesn't make the restraining order any less hurtful, James.