Three Texans Rookies, One Cigar: Caught Chiefing

"I never played a down for the Houston Texans." - Beth Hall-USA TODAY Sports

Kudos to the three members of the 2013 Houston Texans rookie class who put the cherry on top of the worst season ever.

There's only one Willie Jefferson who has ever shared a cigar with another person, and his last name was Clinton. Someone please tell the agent talking about potentially filing a grievance against the Houston Texans for cutting his client that a "he didn't inhale" defense would have been far more believable than what is currently being pitched. No one is buying the notion that a professional athlete with a healthy income would willingly put the tip of another man's saliva-drenched cigar in his mouth. Che Guevara probably wouldn't have even done that during the darkest hours of the Cuban Revolution. In fact, if Che were around today, and you told him the story of what happened to Jefferson, Sam Montgomery and Cierre Wood last weekend, he'd probably take off his beret, scratch his head and ask, ¿Por qué fumaron un blunt en el hotel?

What about a vaporizer or something? Why choose the one method of smoking weed that will absolutely ensure that the entire hallway of your team hotel will reek? Not to mention your clothes and your room, and the fact that Chiefing a Swisher Sweet will turn your eyes Arrowhead red. Let's not even address the question of whether someone carried on the team plane or if they picked up in KC. You're in the NFL; you can afford to get stoned in more discreet methods. Smoking a blunt in that situation is something a high school football player would do. This whole episode is more letter jacket than the letter jacket game.

You had #onejob, Sam. And that was to pick up the Bounce sheets. You couldn't even do that. Now, you have no jobs, and the Texans fans who are defending you with straw man arguments about how other rookies have also showed up to training camp out of shape in the past can go back to watching LSU games.

Who would have thought that the Honey Badger would be a safer pick in the third round than Sonic Sam?

Don't think I've forgotten about you, Cierre. We could have used you against Kansas City, a game where the entire world knew that we would need to rely on the running game more than ever before. And sure enough, Arian Foster goes down in the first quarter, Ben Tate breaks four ribs, and we're handing the ball off to Greg Jones to disastrous results. That just put more pressure on a third string quarterback suiting up for his first ever NFL game to puff, puff, pass.

Part of it is bad luck. Blame the scheduling gods, because this wouldn't have happened had we been playing on the road against the other AFC West team that was 6-0 entering Week 7. Denver is the kind of place where Willie, Sam and Cierre could have just walked outside and asked a traffic cop for a light. No one would have bothered them. No one would have known. And we wouldn't be down three players in a season that is looking all but lost.

But hey, that's just the reality of the NFL.

One day, you're on top. The next, you're bumming for a Hulu log in.

One job, Sam. One. Job.

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Battle Red Blog

You must be a member of Battle Red Blog to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle Red Blog. You should read them.

Join Battle Red Blog

You must be a member of Battle Red Blog to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle Red Blog. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker