Sponsored Post: Who Are The Texans' Seven On The Road To The 2014 Super Bowl?

Enforcin' ain't easy. - Thomas B. Shea

Our friends at Hyundai want to know which seven Texans need to fill seven different roles if the team hopes to play in the Super Bowl next season. Battle Red Blog dares to answer that question.

I've been charged with identifying seven (7) current Houston Texans who should fill seven (7) predetermined roles next season, with the ultimate goal being your Houston Texans hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in February of 2014. The roles are:

Enforcer
Brain
Technician
Loose Cannon
Motivator
Prankster
Muscle

My selections? Glad you asked...

Enforcer: Brian Cushing. I feel like he'd shoot a man just to watch him die. But hang his head and cry? No, sir.

Brain: Matt Schaub. He strikes me as a cerebral sort. The occasional WTF pick he's been prone to throwing throughout his career is simply part of a master plan. He's setting the other 31 teams up. There will be a payoff. I just know it.

Technician: Duane Brown. Because of the footwork and the little known fact that he actually repairs kitchen appliances in the offseason. Note: Half of the preceding sentence may be false.

Loose Cannon: My immediate reaction was "Antonio Smith" (the man seems to legitimately believe he is a ninja), but I'm going with Bryan Braman here. I mean, c'mon.

Motivator: Andre Johnson. He doesn't need to give fiery speeches or headbutt any walls. 'Dre merely needs to make eye contact with his teammates. Or show them game film from 2003-2006, when his QB was David Carr. That's motivation.

Prankster: Shaun Cody. For now, at least. If he isn't brought back, we're going to need Tyler Clutts to get real funny real fast. His surname demands it.

Muscle: J.J. Watt. Because I'll be good and goshdarned if any list about what the Texans need to do to win the Super Bowl does not feature Justin James Watt. Also, he looks like he works out, so I bet he has good muscles.

Where did I hit or miss? You tell me in the Comments.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Battle Red Blog

You must be a member of Battle Red Blog to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle Red Blog. You should read them.

Join Battle Red Blog

You must be a member of Battle Red Blog to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle Red Blog. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker