Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Chargers

You will see this in San Diego tonight. - Bob Levey

If you're looking for a prediction post about what'll happen in San Diego tonight when the Texans and Chargers tangle on Monday Night Football, I suppose this qualifies. As long as you're not one of those people who insist on predictions being right, useful, or of any real benefit besides entertainment.

The nice part of doing a running feature over the years is that I can simply call back on past entries to explain what I'm doing now. It really takes the sting out of me having to be "original" or "diligent" or "not a plagiarist."

What is this "Three And Out" balderdash, you ask? I refer you to the cavernous archives of Battle Red Blog:

Each week, I'll make three (3) predictions concerning statistics, plays, performance, and the like that are guaranteed to occur in Sunday's Monday night's Texans game. How often are said predictions accurate? Virtually never. Remember--I'm a moron. Nevertheless, I have a microphone and you don't, so you will read every damn prediction I make!

Got it? Good. Without further delay or introduction, I give you three (3) things that are guaranteed to happen in the Houston Texans' 2013 season opener against the Chargers in San Diego:

1. Arian Foster won't see his usual Herculean workload, but he will finish with 65 rushing yards, 19 receiving yards, and one touchdown. Ben Tate, meanwhile, will take the laboring oar at running back, especially in the second half. Mark Tate down for 83 rushing yards and a TD of his own.

2. Matt Schaub finishes with two TD passes and zero interceptions. The recipients of those TD passes are Owen Daniels and Andre Johnson.

3. Aside from the blinding brilliance of J.J. Watt (who will deflect one Philip Rivers pass at the line and tally two sacks), Houston's pass rush will be maddeningly inconsistent. The absence of Antonio Smith and lack of experience at OLB will shine through. I expect the latter of those two to be an ongoing issue throughout the season, though the return of Brian Cushing to the middle of the defense will allow Wade Phillips to scheme around the problem to some degree. Nevertheless, the lack of pressure from the edges will be a noticeable problem tonight.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: A West Coast prime-time game with a ridiculously late start would give me great pause if this wasn't Week One. Granted, we wouldn't be dealing with said ridiculously late start if it wasn't Week One. I digress.

I know some are predicting a narrow Texans win. I do think the Chargers will put some points on the board, but I believe the Texans will win this game by a reasonable margin. Texans 28, Chargers 20.

Texans vs Chargers coverage

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