Battle Red Onion

14

The Onion Takes Aim At The Houston Texans

It was only a matter of time until "America's Finest News Source" turned its gaze on the league's worst team last year. Laughter hides the tears, folks.

The Onion Takes Aim At The Houston Texans

14

It was only a matter of time until "America's Finest News Source" turned its gaze on the league's worst team last year. Laughter hides the tears, folks.

17

Tom Savage Confirmed For Pro Football Hall Of Fame

Despite not yet having played a single down of professional football, Tom Savage will be shoe-horned into the 2014 Class of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Find out why in this latest edition of...

Tom Savage Confirmed For Pro Football Hall Of Fame

17

Despite not yet having played a single down of professional football, Tom Savage will be shoe-horned into the 2014 Class of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Find out why in this latest edition of...

27

BRO: Texans Interested In Trading Back To 2013?

Rick Smith has left all his options open, including options previously thought to be impossible. Read on to see a new facet of his draft strategy.

BRO: Texans Interested In Trading Back To 2013?

27

Rick Smith has left all his options open, including options previously thought to be impossible. Read on to see a new facet of his draft strategy.

BRO: Rick Smith Tricked, Flies To New York Early

13

The NFL's "silly season" has gotten a little sillier as reports are coming in that Houston Texans GM Rick Smith was fooled into thinking the NFL Draft begins this weekend and flew to New York by...

BRO: Schaub Not Feeling Enough Heat In Oakland

24

There's just something about Houston, and former Texans quarterback Matt Schaub isn't feeling it in Oakland.

Battle Red Onion: 56 Players To Avoid At All Costs

57

A simple guide for the Houston Texans to avoid making a colossal mistake in free agency.

Battle Red Onion: J.J. Watt Is Good At Everything

23

This week on BRO, we find J.J. on some kind of slickened surface pushing what appears to be a remote control around with a disfigured garden tool.

Sources tell BROthat this activity is known colloquially among Wisconsinites as push-puck or ice stick invader men. We'll monitor this new hobby as necessary.

Next week on BRO: We catch up with Jared Crick and his continuing quest to finish his taxes. What role will Form 990-W play?

Battle Red Onion: Texans Sign New Kicker

24

Proudly Distributing Sensationalized Garbage Since 2010. In this week's edition, the Texans find an answer to their pesky kicking and secondary problems.

B.R.O.: Texans Coach Receives Surprise Gift

4

Not 24 hours after three Texans were waived for hilarious shenanigans does a Texans coach fall prey to the same problem. Find out more here.

Battle Red Onion: Fans Demand To Be Traded

12

So often we'll hear about players demanding to be traded to a contending team. But never have fans had the same demand made of their team's general manager.

B.R.O.: Kubiak Storms Out Of Press Conference

21

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for the Texans head coach, he has to put up with the media. And the media seems to have him figured out as well.

Battle Red Onion: Schaub Diagnosed With Illness

30

Things seem to only be getting worse for Matt Schaub. But his troubles may be part of a bigger concern.

Scenes From A Draft, Round Three

11

A brief and pretty much fictitious view of how things operate during the NFL draft.

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Battle Red Onion: Watt Pre-Fined for MNF Game

21

Watt Fined for Illegal Future Hit on Tom Brady.

Battle Red Onion

32

All the Speculation and Spurious Facts of Traditional Media But With Half the Calories!

Battle Red Onion takes on the replacement refs.

22

Ever wondered what goes on when the replacement refs get together? Battle Red Onion has the answers.

Battle Red Onion: Blaine Gabbert Committed To Local Asylum, J.J. Watt Blamed

39

J.J. Watt is a very good defensive end. How good? Very few ends are capable of sending opposing quarterbacks to mental institutions after they've faced them; which is unfortunately what happened to...

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