Battle Red Onion

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BRO: Schaub Not Feeling Enough Heat In Oakland

There's just something about Houston, and former Texans quarterback Matt Schaub isn't feeling it in Oakland.

BRO: Schaub Not Feeling Enough Heat In Oakland

There's just something about Houston, and former Texans quarterback Matt Schaub isn't feeling it in Oakland.

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Battle Red Onion: 56 Players To Avoid At All Costs

A simple guide for the Houston Texans to avoid making a colossal mistake in free agency.

Battle Red Onion: 56 Players To Avoid At All Costs

A simple guide for the Houston Texans to avoid making a colossal mistake in free agency.

Battle Red Onion: J.J. Watt Is Good At Everything

This week on BRO, we find J.J. on some kind of slickened surface pushing what appears to be a remote control around with a disfigured garden tool.

Sources tell BROthat this activity is known colloquially among Wisconsinites as push-puck or ice stick invader men. We'll monitor this new hobby as necessary.

Next week on BRO: We catch up with Jared Crick and his continuing quest to finish his taxes. What role will Form 990-W play?

Battle Red Onion: Texans Sign New Kicker

Proudly Distributing Sensationalized Garbage Since 2010. In this week's edition, the Texans find an answer to their pesky kicking and secondary problems.

B.R.O.: Texans Coach Receives Surprise Gift

Not 24 hours after three Texans were waived for hilarious shenanigans does a Texans coach fall prey to the same problem. Find out more here.

Battle Red Onion: Fans Demand To Be Traded

So often we'll hear about players demanding to be traded to a contending team. But never have fans had the same demand made of their team's general manager.

B.R.O.: Kubiak Storms Out Of Press Conference

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse for the Texans head coach, he has to put up with the media. And the media seems to have him figured out as well.

Battle Red Onion: Schaub Diagnosed With Illness

Things seem to only be getting worse for Matt Schaub. But his troubles may be part of a bigger concern.

Scenes From A Draft, Round Three

A brief and pretty much fictitious view of how things operate during the NFL draft.

Battle Red Onion: Watt Pre-Fined for MNF Game

Watt Fined for Illegal Future Hit on Tom Brady.

Battle Red Onion

All the Speculation and Spurious Facts of Traditional Media But With Half the Calories!

Battle Red Onion takes on the replacement refs.

Ever wondered what goes on when the replacement refs get together? Battle Red Onion has the answers.

Battle Red Onion: Blaine Gabbert Committed To Local Asylum, J.J. Watt Blamed

J.J. Watt is a very good defensive end. How good? Very few ends are capable of sending opposing quarterbacks to mental institutions after they've faced them; which is unfortunately what happened to Blaine Gabbert in this week's Battle Red Onion.

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Battle Red Onion: Disgruntled Fans Arrested After Rioting On Kubiak's Lawn

Fans start rioting on Coach Gary Kubiak's front lawn after a decisive win against the Miami Dolphins. Battle Red Onion has the exclusive on this amazing and completely made up event.

Scenes From A Draft, Round II: A Battle Red Onion Special Presentation

Here's what will happen behind the scenes of the NFL draft. Some of it may be true, most of it is not. We leave it for you to figure out which is which. Enjoy!

Battle Red Onion: 2012 NFL Free Agency Roundup

Mario Williams signed with Buffalo, but now we really know why. Also did you hear that Peyton Manning signed with someone finally?

Battle Red Onion: Texans Fans, Bloggers, Plot Revenge Against Football Gods for Injuries

In this week's Battle Red Onion, the Texans local bloggers take their pitchforks and plan their revenge against the god of injuries. Vengeance will be ours!

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