Greetings Texans fans. I realize this is about the Titans, but thought some of you may appreciate the humor behind it. Being from Seattle, I know I would welcome any satire on the OKC Thunder, especially one that pokes a little fun of the owners that moved them. Also, as the title suggests, there is a second part that will follow--if the general feeling is that it is not wanted on this site, let me know and I will refrain from posting it here.

The below events did not happen anywhere other then the author's head (that he knows of):

Sunday, Nov. 15, 2009, not long after the Titans defeated the Bills by a 41-17 score in Nashville:

Bud Adams is feeling a level of friskiness that belies his age of 86, but not the perfect mix of whiskey and Viagra he is currently sailing on. “Yee haw!” he says. “We are back on the victory train. Nothing can stop the Adams’ Family now!”

“Shirley,” he says (Shirley is Adams' assistant), “get me Fisher on the phone, would ya, sweetie?”

Adams is dancing around his owner’s suite. “I can’t believe it took that stiff Goodell so long to get out of my box. I had the birdies in my pocket and they were screaming to get out.”

While saying this, Adams looks at himself in the mirror and draws his hands out of pockets with his middle fingers blazing, pretending to shoot like a five-year-old playing cops and robbers before blowing off the tip of each finger.

Shirley hands him the phone; as Adams grabs it, he slaps her on the ass, saying, “Thanks, sweet tits.”

“Bud,” Fisher exasperatedly replies, “how many times have I told you—you can’t call me that anymore...but you’re welcome.”

“Whoa, now, pardner, I was talking to my sweet little secretary. That girl is as limber as a dishrag.” Adams pauses long enough to watch Shirley walk over to the snack tray. “I told you—didn’t I tell you? Ol’ Uncle Bud said put in Vince and we’ll start winning.”

“You did, Bud.” Fisher couldn’t believe it, but it was working so far, and it was a little hard to admit. “The defense is coming around too. Don’t forget that.”

“Well, pardner, to celebrate the glorious turnaround my genius has created, we are going to have a mandatory party at team headquarters tonight. Nothin’ too fancy—just a good ol’ casual celebration. No skirts...they can wait for us after the party. Aint that right, Shirley?!”

“That’s right, Bud.” Shirley has no idea what she is agreeing with but goes along with it anyway. She knows when Uncle Bud is in this kind of mood, presents are sure to follow her good behavior. Shirley has an uncanny ability to use material items, like a drunk uses alcohol, to black out memories.

“Alright, Bud,” says Fisher, actually looking forward to the chance to blow off some steam. “I’ll let the guys know.”

Three hours later: Tennessee Titans headquarters is transformed into party central—complete with an open bar, steaks, DJ, and a disco ball.

Kerry Collins slumbers in. He is not looking forward to this. He feels a little jaded that everyone on the team decided to play so much better after he was benched.

There was a time in his life when it wouldn’t have mattered if his mother just died—he would have still been ready for a party. By the grace of god and AA, those reckless, loose vocabulary days were behind him. Gone are times of waking up with pain in his head where memories should be. No longer did he have to deal with broken jaws delivered by the fists of teammates angered by racist comments. But here he was, drinking a coke and hoping the night goes by fast.

Chris Johnson told his lineman ahead of time to meet him at the front door so they could carry him in. A prospect none of them necessarily were looking forward to, but as lineman they are used to that kind of thing and agreed.

Johnson arrives to finds his linemen waiting for him. “Thanks for waiting on ‘Every Lineman’s Dream,’ boys. You guys are the best.” The linemen all smiled, content, because a little positive reinforcement is a lineman’s opiate and spotlight.  

Johnson is looking forward to this and hoping he can show off his karaoke chops and inspire someone to give him the nickname he so desperately wants—“A Karaoke Machine’s Dream.” He is tired of having to coin his own nicknames.

LenDale White enters through the doors without using his arms and exclaims “I’m the juggernaut, bitch!” It had been so long since he had actually used a door handle, he wasn’t sure if remembered how they worked. He had on his favorite T-shirt (that he had trademarked) under his Titans sweatshirt and was hoping that “he” would be there to see see him in it.

Kyle Vanden Bosch announces his presence with a loud thud on the wall next to the entryway doors. “Damn, these red contacts are hard to see out of in the dark.” Making it through the second time, he yells, “I love parties!” to a room full of people already acutely aware of this fact (Bosch’s teammates like—yet are simultaneously freaked out by—their burly defensive end).

Fisher enters next. He is happy to be there, but then again he was happier doing anything now than he was a month ago. Winning is a coach's Prozac.

Fisher is greeted with a loud chorus of “Coach!” as he walks in the door. His players are happy to see him, much happier than they were a month ago. They also can’t help but notice he is looking like he has gained some weight under his stretched-thin Titan sweatshirt.

Vince Young is on his way and calls Adams, “Yo, Bud, I just wanted to know if there is going to be any booze there.”

“Shoot, son, does a stuck pig holler?”

“Um...well...” Young doesn’t like tests.

“Is a long-tailed cat nervous in a room full of rockin’ chairs?”

“Oww...I’m getting a headache. You know I don’t like answering no questions.”

“Well, I didn’t mean to turn you into a cow on AstroTurf, son. Would uncle Bud throw a bash without a bar?”

“Damn it! Stop answering my questions with a question. What are you s'posed to be—that old Chinese dude 'Confused' or something?”

“Boy, you are about as sharp as a mashed potato.”

Young could sense he was going to have to go about this a different way. “Right, so there are mashed potatoes there, but let’s say I want something to drink with them that has alcohol in it—could I get it there?”

“If you weren’t one can short of a six pack, you’d understand I already answered ya.”

Young stares at the one empty rung on the six pack resting in his passenger seat while wondering how the hell Adams could tell he was one beer under. “It takes a lot more than one beer before I don’t know when people are talking nonsense. Forget it, Bud; I’ll get my own.”

Adams likes Young, but he can’t help but screw with him a little. Young is a Hustonian, after all. “Houston, we have a problem! That’s Adams 21,548, Houston 0.” Adams clicked another notch on his score tracker and tucked it back into his pocket.

Young makes a quick stop at the liquor store and enters the party. There were days when stupid questions or comments that may have questioned his intelligence (sometimes it was hard to tell), like the ones Adams just gave him, would have sent him off into depression-fueled drinking binges, but now that Young can again fall back on his football skills to boost his confidence, his drinking binges carry a much more positive attitude. So the fact that the first thing he sees when he walks in the door is a bar doesn’t faze him. “Bud, you crazy old fool,” he says to himself while smiling and greeting his teammates.

Adams is the last to arrive. He gets out of the new Mercedes he has just purchased for Shirley. “Don’t wait up, little darlin’; Uncle Bud is feelin’ frisky.”

Shirley drives off, not even missing the last three hours she can’t remember.

Bursting through the door, Adams yells “Yee haw!” and lets off a round from his gun into the ceiling. This, of course, sends everyone ducking and covering, except for Fisher, who is frantically searching the room with his eyes.

“Vince?” Fisher yells.

“I am fine, coach.” Young responds in a voice that doesn’t hide how tired he is of answering his coach's concerns.

“Hang on, buddy! I am calling the hot line. Don’t do anything until you talk to them.”

“Coach, I am fine, really. Don’t sweat it.”

“Shoot, Fish,” chimes in Adams, “Relax. I am just getting the party started.” He flips off Fisher and heads over to the bar.

Adams hands the bartender a $100 bill, saying, “Son, this here is a celebration—anyone ordering anything without liquor in it, you put some in.” Adams looks over at Collins and White, who he knows have quit drinking and suspects it is making them a little light in the loafers, and smiles.

He then walks up to the DJ and grabs the mic. “Boys, this season was looking rough as a cob 'til Uncle Bud stepped in and told y’all that winnin’ would be as easy as slidin’ off a greased log if Vince is startin’ because Ol’ Bud knows that a whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.”

“I am not trying to count my chickens before they hatch. I know we still have to talk to a man about a cow, but I expect you all to get Ol’ Uncle Bud a ring before I go to the big pigsty in the sky.” Adams flips off god to emphasize his point. “I am feeling too good tonight and we are going to have some fun! 'Cause Ol’ Bud knows soon we will be in high cotton!”  

Most everyone in the room glances at each other with confused looks then shrugs and smiles. They were not exactly sure what Adams had just said, but they did know the old man knew how to throw a party.

via www.fansedge.com

I'm going to the store tomorrow to buy the paint for the Houston Texans themed kid's room. The last poll was a pretty clear winner for Steel Blue over Battle Red. I had pretty much made up my mind all week, but today I just cant wrap my head around it. Im trying to picture how it will look in my head, and I just keep thinking that it will be too hard for any wall graphics or Texans gear to stand out on a Blue OR red wall. So as I sat there pondering it, I noticed my Texans ballcap sitting on the coat rack. It has a gray and blue background with the toro logo on it. :lightbulb: GRAY! A dark gray color would look excellent with all three of the Texans colors on it and they would all be able to stand out. So lets see what the faithful masses think, Blue, Red, or a Gray like the one in the above picture.

Before the "invention" and introduction of a monetary currency to society, people in close proximity would trade their goods with others such that they could acquire items that they could not produce due to resources, time, etc.  The farmer that grew fields of crops would trade some of his crops for leather, milk, & meat from the rancher nearby.  Bartering was a mutually beneficial exchange of goods between the 2 parties.

Now, I'm not saying that monetary currency holds no real value these days (but it doesn't).  In the spirit of our ancestors, I am proposing a trade to anyone who might be interested.

Some of you may have heard the rumor that our beloved Texans will be playing a little game against some other team.  I have even heard it told that this game will take place on Monday evening.  And with my curiosities peaked by this gossip, I would like to barter for a ticket.

Now, all most sarcasm aside.....I have season tickets to the Texas Longhorns.  It so happens that I currently have 1 extra ticket to Saturday night's game against the planetary-sized fatasses Kansas Jayhawks.  If you have an extra ticket to the MNF game and would like to catch the Horns live in the last home game of the year......well then, we might be able to revive the age-old bartering system.

Post any offers in the comments.  I'm honestly not that picky about where I'd sit at the game.  But next to Jacoby's mom would definitely be ideal.

Why not put Johnson, Walter, Jones, and Anderson on the field at the same time more often?

THE ALIGNMENT

1) Tilt the field with possession WRs to Schaub's strong side and speed WRs to his blind side (Walter and Anderson on the right, Johnson and Jones on the left). Have Johnson and Anderson on the inside since they are more of a threat to make catches over the middle of the field.

2) Have Schaub under center. He is most comfortable making the timing throws after a drop-back, and DE's remain uncertain about their pass rush angles.

3)  Slaton can start out wide and motion to the backfield or start in the backfield and motion out wide.

THE REASONING

1) We cannot run the ball against a stacked box. Our linemen do not generate a push, and our runners do not have the power to fall forward. So why not spread the field and allow Slaton to try and juke a linebacker instead of run through him?

2) Our passing game is darn good, but we do not have a proven pass-catching TE any more. Schaub can make primary reads on quick passes to Walter and Anderson before looking at Johnson or Jones down the field or across the middle. Sending Anderson in motion over to the left side and then running a quick out is also an option.

3) The formation is relatively balanced, providing anything from a screen pass to a deep bomb. It puts a lot of pressure on Schaub to make multiple reads and deliver solid passes, but the formation has the potential to stretch out the defense and get the offense in a rhythm.

I think it is time that we saw more of these kinds of formations early in the game, as long as Schaub is willing to come out slingin' it.

After watching our team so far this season, I feel that the Texans have three areas that could really use some improvement...

#1) Mammoth DT - someone who draws double teams and can collapse the pocket

#2) Interior Offensive Linemen - someone who fits our scheme and is ready to play (need two picks here)

#3) Power RB - an explosive, between the tackles, verticle runner who can run through defenders

Solid players at any of these positions have the potential to be starters next season, especially a first-round DT.

Tennessee Punter Brett Kern, not Vincent Young is the real reason the titans have won their last 3 games.  

Kern was on the Broncos for their first 6 games when they went 6-0.  The Broncos cut Kern after their 6th game and have gone on to lose their 3 games since then.  Tennessee signed Kern, while sitting on an 0-6 record, after the Broncos made the clearly dumb move of cutting him.  Since Kern was signed, the titans have gone 3-0 making Kern, New Orleans, and Indy the only undefeated's in the NFL.  

To me, this is a much more logical reason for the titans' recent success than who the starting QB is, especially when the QB isnt playing great.  

Joel has good hands, and Casey has great hands, and the Titans game plan will revolve around SS and the WR's, it is very likely they will under estimate the TE's with OD out, witch should give good matchups.  I bet we see allot of 3 TE sets.  Starting right after the script.  The first part of the script will be to understand what the coverage's will be on certain plays.  We will likely see several looks meant to gage who is covering which receiver in which type of formation.  And to get SS going.  Look to see the initial 3TE sets to be all running plays early to help set up the play action out of those formations later.  Also at least one long ball to help back up the D has to happen early.

My script would look like this.

First play from under center

1.  5 wide JJ Post with Walter as the short outlet guy (opens up the field and forces them to respect the long ball)

2.  double TE Sweep right to SS (gages the pursuit, are the over pursuing, under, filling gaps...)

3.  3 wide 10 yard up and out by AJ ( let AJ establish his ownership of the little man)

4.  3 wide with AJ in the slot another out route (just to reinforce the idea that they have to double AJ)  (plays 1,3, and 4 help to determine who has the TE's in coverage)

5.  3 wide Draw play to SS (forces them to respect the run on every play)

6.  I formation Double TE Heavy one side sweep left to Moats (same reason as 2)

7.  3 TE set 2 hole SS ( you don't get many yards from this but helps establish the run)

8.  3 wide bootleg to TE

9.  3 wide TE Slant

10 . 2 wide 5 hole

11  3 wide (stack to the left) out route to JJ

12  I formation play action pass to the Coke machine out of the back field in the flat

The goal open the field

Establish the run

Get the play makers involved early

Force them to cover the TE's

Force minimum Double coverage on AJ to open the rest of the field.

Optional play 12

2 stacked on the right with AJ and the Coke machine, pass to VL and let him smash the leprechaun. 

On the D Side of the Ball it is all about Stacking the Box, and blitzing with Safeties, CB's, and delayed blitzes up the middle.

 

PS I would add a pole but IE crashes every time and work wont let me use anything else!

Hello BRB,

I don't think this here fanpost needs much of an introduction.  Please leave any questions you have about the Titans and this game below.  Hopefully this thread will not evolve into anything other than a good football discussion, but I am not going to hold my breath on that one.

On the game- I expect this to be a really good game.  The Titans seem to have fixed some of the things that ailed them early in the season, but the wins have come against inferior teams.  This game will be the first true test.

Have at it.

According to Alan Burge, the Texans will give the rookie a shot. That is four backs on the active roster, kinda crowded. So who thinks he will get some carries Monday night or will he be strictly a special team guy?

The holes in the offensive line are there. Moats proved they are there, he just couldn't hold on to the ball. I am kind of excited to see this kid play and if I remember correctly, Chick Harris was high on this guy in training camp.

Check out the Rookie-Meter put together by Mike Holbrook of Pro Football.  Texans' OLB Brian Cushing is still holding the top spot on the Rookie-Meter; ahead of Percy Harvin, Mark Sanchez, Michael Oher, Jairus Byrd and Brian Orakpo. This is great company, as there has been some truly outstanding rookie play this season. Of local note, also on the list is U of H former standout Sebastian Vollmer who laid the wood on Dwight Freeney Sunday night, shutting him out without a sack for the first time in nine games.