I'd be lying if I said that my extended absence was purely work related, but truth be told, higher headquarters inspections are a mother.  So again, I was Aiming High this past weekend and didn't watch the game until after the contest had long been decided.  Like last time, I did my best to avoid all contact with football until I got home and started chugging beers.  The only thing that clued me in to what happened was a text from a buddy of mine (Saints fan):  "Your team is kicking ass".  Imagine my excitement... 

There was a certain irony to the unfortunate events that took place on Sunday afternoon.  It's taken me several days to actually put into perspective what I saw.  In a sense, the game left me feeling Minnesota.

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A day later, I really don't feel any different than I did last night. I still maintain that Sage Rosenfels gave Indianapolis the game. I still maintain that the coaches and/or playcalling were not responsible for the loss, though I appreciate the solid back-and-forth that the two camps had going in the Comments to the previous post.

Regardless of how much affinity we have for the Texans, we will always remember yesterday for the last four (4) minutes in the fourth quarter. And that's a huge shame, because there were so many standout performances from other Texans. Although it's surely no consolation to Sage, I also think one Texan in particular should send Sage a cash basket in appreciation for keeping the suck spotlight off of him. Let's get to it:

1. The reason the Texans looked like a complete football team for the first time this season was due entirely to the appearance of an element that's been absent nearly the entire season. That magical component? A pass rush. Your Houston Texans, and specifically their front four, got consistent pressure on Peyton Manning and knocked him on his rear throughout the game. Super Mario notched two (2) sacks and was in Peyton's kitchen all afternoon, disrupting the flow of the Indy offense. We've come to expect that from Mario, so that's not a big surprise. But you know who did show up for the first time this season?

2. Amobi Okoye! He got more penetration than we've seen all season; he was getting to and knocking down Peyton consistently in the second half. Could yesterday have been Amobi's arrival as a force to be reckoned with, like Super Mario did against Kansas City last year?

3. Linebacking play was far better than it's been all season, too. While DeMeco is always going to be a stalwart, I was impressed with how well Zac Diles and (gasp!) Morlon Greenwood played. Greenwood in particular made some nice tackles at the line of scrimmage and slightly behind it.

4. That brings me to another crucial point: The tackling was infinitely better yesterday than it's been all season. The Texans wrapped up and generally didn't let the opposition squirm away, unlike their efforts the previous three (3) games.

5. Was it just me, or did anyone else think we got better safety play from the "reserves" than we have from Brown and Demps?

6. Fred Bennett had a couple of very nice plays, though I'm not sure that each one called for a celebration akin to having won the Super Bowl. Hopefully, like Amobi, this is the start of something big.

7. The worst player on the field whenever the Colts had the ball was easily Jacques Reeves. If not for Sage monopolizing the fanbase's scorn, Reeves' insistence on continuing to play CB as if he has no arms and wearing a neck brace would be the overriding negative of the game. He's simply awful, and he's clearly the weakest link in a weak secondary. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that I'd rather have Dunta Robinson hobbling around on crutches out there instead of Reeves at 100%.

8. In the rare event that Pepe Le Pew has any defenders, please do not point to the pass he "knocked away" in the end zone in the first half. Marvin Harrison had Reeves beat; Peyton simply underthrew that ball. Frenchy wouldn't have been able to lay a hand on it if he'd actually been in good position. That's not good corner play. But congratulations, Jacques Reeves. You've done the impossible. You've made me long for Petey Faggins to get more snaps. Do you know how dirty that makes me feel?

9. Seriously...I'd rather have Petey Faggins, who I thought was the worst DB in the league, get more playing time than a free agent acquisition inked to a multi-year deal mere months ago. Chew on that for a bit, and then try not to vomit.

10. The offensive line, both in run and pass blocking, was superb. Duane Brown in particular did an admirable job holding off Dwight Freeney. Freeney beat him a couple of times, but I thought the rookie acquitted himself in tremendous fashion. And did you see how Brown was sprinting after Gary Brackett after Sage's first fumble? Talk about heart.

11. The next decent snap Bryan Pittman makes will be the first I've seen in a month. How has he not been cut yet?

12. Steve Slaton continues to look like he was the steal of the draft. I honestly could not be any happier with him.

13. Was that Ahman Green I saw running hard between the tackles? And not pulling up lame? I must have been drunk.

14. 'Dre--Nine (9) catches for 131 yards and a TD. He's back.

15. Quick: Name five (5) current tight ends you'd rather have than Owen Daniels. Can you do it? Because I can't.

16. As a whole, the offense looked like a well-oiled machine. Well, at least until the unpleasantness at the end, that is.

17. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Andre Johnson; Defense--Mario Williams; Special Teams--Kris Brown (with a special nod to Kevin Bentley, whose special teams play is becoming a consistent rave every week).

18. I'll leave you with an observation from my buddy Jay. You remember Jay; he become a bit of a legend around these parts after his conduct in Nashville last year. When we met up after the game, Jay attempted to express his feelings on the loss. I can assure you I am only barely paraphrasing here when I report that he uttered the following line:

If today's game was a hurricane, I feel like my house got blown away. And then I was raped by looters.

Ahhhh, Texans fandom. Bring on the Dolphins, I guess.

Forgive me for what you're about to read; putting how I feel into words right now is a bit difficult. Perhaps more than ever, the stats don't tell the tale of this game. Your Houston Texans blew a seventeen (17!) point lead with slightly more than eight (8) minutes remaining today. Hell, if you want to get technical about it, the Colts remained down by 17 until Peyton Manning threw a TD pass with a little more than four (4) minutes left.

Growing up, playing sports, we're bombarded by the old adage--"Win as a team, lose as a team." In football, perhaps more than any other team game, it's damn near impossible for a single player to win or lose a game by himself. We occasionally have the kicker who splits the uprights to win a game, but football really is the epitome of a team sport. As a general rule, one otherworldly player doesn't equate to victory; if one guy was all it took, the Lions would have won multiple Super Bowls with Barry Sanders in the backfield. No, it takes a team to win. And 99% of the time, it takes a team to lose.

Not today.

The Texans lost this afternoon because of one player, and one player alone. After playing efficient, winning football for approximately fifty-six (56) minutes, Sage Rosenfels singlehandedly cost his team the win. No one else, and I mean NO ONE--no other player(s) and no coach(es)--lost this game. Sage lost it. By himself. In absolutely historical fashion. I'm sure he knows it, and we certainly know it.

The most painful part of it, I think, was that the three (3) turnovers he committed in record-breaking time were completely preventable and thus inexcusable. The first fumble does not happen if he slides instead of attempting to charge into three (3) much bigger defenders. The second fumble does not happen if he exhibits an ounce of pocket presence. The final, kick-to-the-nuts interception looked to have been thrown while his target (in this case, Andre Johnson) was on the ground. Three (3) plays. If any one of those plays doesn't go down like it did, the Texans win. It took three (3) separate, horrifying mistakes by Sage for the Colts to win.

I'm not taking anything away from the Colts; they revealed some serious character by battling until the end. Still...no sane observer can say that Sage didn't deliver that game on a silver platter to them. Indy was the beneficiary of one player's epic collapse. Good for them, and as usual, awful for the Texans and their fans.

I would hope this goes without saying, yet I'll say it anyway: Don't give me the "Well, Sage put us in position to win it; Schaub wouldn't have done that." That is complete and utter garbage. The Schaub ran the Houston offense as well as it could be run last week in Jacksonville. You're really telling me that Schaub wouldn't have completed slightly less than two-thirds of his passes for 246 yards and a TD today? Against THAT defense? Please. And for the critics who say that Schaub is fragile...in my estimation, that perceived fragility would have been a real bonus today, because there's no way Schaub would've been so freaking stupid as to try to take on three (3) defenders. He would've slid; the clock would've kept running; and the Texans would've won.

I hate to judge a player on one game, and I won't do it here. I will, however, say this: There is no QB controversy. And the next time any of us starts complaining about Schaub, remember today.

I'll be back with my thoughts on the rest of the players/game later tonight. The vein throbbing on my forehead is telling me it's time to drown this bubbling rage with more whiskey.

I'd love to sit here and tell you that your Houston Texans are "the best 0-2 team you'll ever see." Really, I would. But I can't, because they're not. The numbers don't lie.

Since the 2008 regular season began, the Texans have looked like something that is expelled from a canine's anus. In reality, your Houston Texans have looked far more like the two (2) win team of 2005 than the eight (8) win team of 2007. And yes, I know...the Texans have played two (2) teams that feature defenses likely to be ranked in the Top Five at season's end. And I also realize that the effects of Hurricane Ike surely weighed heavy on the minds of everyone in the Houston organization for the last week. The fact remains, however, that hurricane or no hurricane, talented opponent or not, the Texans we saw in Pittsburgh and Nashville could not have beaten anyone in the NFL. They sucked. Badly. Pure and simple. There's no way around that. And if they don't turn this thing around quickly, we're headed for a first-round pick in the first hour of the 2009 NFL Draft.

Luckily (right now; that may change) for us, there's still a ton of football to be played. All's not lost...yet. But yesterday reinforced several of the issues we saw in Pittsburgh. Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

1. There are very few positives to be gleaned from yesterday's abomination, so I'm getting those out of the way first. The brightest spot, of course, was Steve Slaton (18 carries for 116 yards and a TD). While nearly half of those yards came from one run, when was the last time a Texan RB even broke off a run of more than ten (10) yards? I'm not looking that gift horse in the mouth. Not that we have to worry about it, because it would actually require Ahman Green to suit up, but there should be ZERO debate over who should be starting at RB.

2. Apostrophe Davis was also a solid contributor yesterday. Between his good returns and that forty-nine (49) yard reception, Davis did not make me want to vomit into an airplane pillowcase (consider that last phrase a bit of foreshadowing, gentle reader).

3. The offensive line wasn't great. They probably weren't even good. But I'd say they were passable. They got pushed around too much by another tremendous front four (especially up the middle), but they were not nearly as cringe-inducing as they had been at Heinz Field. I guess what I'm saying is that they sucked a good deal less than they did in their prior engagement. That's worth something, right? Kind of like being the prettiest girl in Oklahoma.

4. I suppose it's technically possible for Matt Schaub to play worse than he has the last two (2) games. After all, there's always another interception to be thrown, more happy feet to display in the pocket, more refusals to look at anyone other than your first read, etc. On an afternoon that saw several Texans striving to be declared the crappiest player on the field, Schaub won the title going away. His interceptions, like those that he threw against the Steelers, were atrocious. How in the hell can Schaub look so bad now when he looked so solid in several games last year? What happened?

5. That said, I don't think you can pull the plug yet. At this point, we've got a body of severely contrasting work. Is he the guy we saw last year against the Saints? Or is he the guy we saw yesterday? I don't know, though I'd readily admit he's trending downward at a precipitous rate. The most important game of his professional career takes place on Sunday in Jacksonville. If Schaub doesn't play one hundred times better, the calls for Sage Rosenfels will be completely justified and may well be impossible for Kubes to ignore.

6. As horrible as Schaub was, he got absolutely no help from his WRs. Andre Johnson dropped two (2) surefire TD passes, and Owen Daniels bobbled away/dropped another one that he should have caught. If those guys aren't going to catch the balls that are thrown their way, the Texans will be lucky to stay within two (2) TDs of anyone all year.

7. Vonta Leach remains a viable option in the passing game, and I remain perplexed as to why this is so.

8. The offensive playcalling was extraordinarily suspect, and I'm not even talking about the six (6) times Kubes went for it on fourth down (that gets its own paragraph). One play really sticks out to me in particular. Third and four from the Houston 20, early third quarter, Texans trailing 21-12. And the call is a pitch outside to Slaton? Zuh? This ain't college ball, and Slaton ain't Barry Sanders. I cannot imagine a poorer call that would not have included taking a knee. But hey, at least that was on third down, because on fourth down...

9. Kubes treated the game like it was Tecmo Bowl. Punting? What's that? Field goals? Those are for wimps! Never mind that Kris Brown is as close to automatic as it gets, and that you could have cut the deficit to six (6) points by simply taking the three (3) each time, thus giving yourself a chance to win the game in the fourth quarter. Nah--letting your anemic offense and jittery QB spit the bit to keep the deficit at twelve (12) is a far more sound strategy.

10. Of course, kicking those FGs would have required Bryan Pittman snapping the ball, which is apparently asking an awful lot out of a guy whose only job is to snap the ball. It was almost like he and Matt Turk got together before the game and said, "Remember last year's game in San Diego? Let's see if we can top it!" Well, congrats, fellas. Turk staggering around like a drunken sorority pledge, complete with his patented falling-down-on-ass-and-chucking-football-straight-up-in-the-air move, was priceless. It'll haunt my dreams for years to come.

11. While we're on the subject of field goals, you cannot settle for two (2) of them when the Titans turn the ball over twice early in the game, giving the Texans unbelievable field position. A good team gets ten (10) points out of those turnovers. A very good team gets fourteen (14). The Texans got six (6). You do the math.

12. You know what would be swell? A pass rush. Whereas in weeks past we've at least been able to rave about Super Mario, the Titans did a tremendous job making him a complete non-factor. Normally, you'd like to think someone else would step up to fill that hole, but instead we got more of the same from the DL: Nothing.

13. Linebacking play was below average. Not nearly as bad as the defensive line, but not good by any stretch of the imagination.

14. Jacques Reeves' first quarter INT was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that ol' Jacques decided he was done touching the ball for the day, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that the football was coming his way a few more times when he was stride for stride with the WR.

15. Fred Bennett, please take a look at tape from last year and attempt to re-capture that technique. I beg you.

16. Will Demps made what I would say was the worst tackle I've ever had the displeasure to see in person on Bo Scaife's TD catch. Frankly, calling it a tackle is misleading, because Demps looked like he was aiming for the ground two (2) yards in front of Scaife.

17. Dunta Robinson was easily the most pumped up individual on the Houston sideline. Unfortunately, he is not playing for another several weeks.

18. One more note on Kubiak...his penchant for ill-conceived challenges has become laughable, but I don't know how much of that is on him. Doesn't he have someone upstairs who's watching the game on video and telling him when a play should be challenged? I believe he does, and I believe I'd be scouring the classifieds today if I was that person.

19. You probably think the title of this post is some sort of metaphor or exaggeration. Or you did, until I hinted otherwise. So here's the story: Dejected after the beating our squad took (and beginning to wonder if my travel to the road games was serving as some sort of jinx), I headed to the airport to fly home. My buddies and I stopped for some food in the Terminal A food court. I decided that some Chinese food would ease my troubled soul, and proceeded to order from Manchu Wok. As I ate it, I remarked to my friends that the chicken did not taste very good. But because I (a) was hungry and (b) am a dumbass, I ate most of it.

Fast forward an hour, and guess who unswallowed his dinner? Into an airplane pillowcase, no less, as his seat didn't have any barf-bags and the damn drink cart was blocking the path to the lavatory? There I sat for another hour, with a seeping sack of barely digested Chinese food at my feet and my sense of self-worth slightly lessened.

You might ask why I'm telling you this terrible tale, and the answer is simple: First, it's somewhat amusing. Secondly, it shows that things can get worse, even when they seem like they can't. Keep that in mind on Sunday when the Texans face the Jags.

SON OF A .... What can I say? Yesterday, we all witnessed a beating the likes of which we thought we had left in the rearview mirror. Evidently, we were wrong, because the Steelers destroyed your Houston Texans in every way they could be destroyed. If they had been so inclined, Roethlisberger, Parker & Co. could have hung fifty (50) points on the Texans; the only reason that didn't happen was because the Steelers took the proverbial knee in the fourth quarter and threw all of four (4) passes in the third quarter. I haven't seen a team impose its will on the Texans like that, from start to finish, in quite some time. Sure, last season's effort against San Diego was ghastly; maybe this is conveniently revisionist history, but I don't remember it being as categorically pathetic as yesterday's disaster. In short, the Texans played about as poorly as they possibly could, and certainly far worse than any of us ever dreamed. They should be ashamed of themselves. I'm going to swallow my own tongue if I don't stop thinking about the game; let's get this PGB cranked out so we can begin the healing process:

1. Hey, I know it was only limited action, but Ahman Green made it through an entire ga---...what's that? You're kidding me. I did NOT see that one coming. Evidently, neither did Ahman or his agent. Still, there's a good chance Ahman Green made $1,800,000.00 for contributing thirty-one (31) total yards this season. What a country!

2. The statistics don't show it, but I thought Steve Slaton acquitted himself pretty well in his regular season debut. He ran hard and decisively. Truth be told, Ahman looked reasonably good too, right up until he began clutching his Life-Alert pendant.

3. Where was Chris Taylor?

4. The offensive line, on the whole, looked like they should have suited up for a junior high powderpuff game. Although they showed flashes of competence, this certainly wasn't what Alex Gibbs was brought here to do. Look, I know Pittsburgh has one of the, if not the, best front-seven(s) in the NFL. They're fast, they play a unique scheme, and they attack. The Texans might not face a better defense this year. But you know what? I don't care. The Texans were so severely whipped in the trenches (on both sides of the ball, but we'll get to the defense later) that they didn't even look like they were in the same league as the Steelers. They got beat off the edge. They got beat on the interior. They got pushed around. They looked totally overmatched, and that's on the coaches and the players. Specifically...

5. Chris Myers seemed to constantly be giving ground at the point of attack. Granted, that's nearly a given considering Mt. Hampton was the dude doing a lot of the taking, but I was still surprised at how often and how severely Myers looked to be on the wrong end of the battle.

6. I know Duane Brown has garnered mixed reviews from his debut, but I thought he performed fairly well in the first half and was then victimized in the second half by a Pro Bowler who's probably as fast or faster than anyone he'll see all season. Brown's a rookie starting at LT, and he's going to take his lumps. No reason to panic yet, especially not after he looked so capable throughout the preseason.

7. Ephraim Salaam looked pretty slow in limited duty, so I wouldn't harbor any illusions about him displacing D. Brown.

8. As I watched the game, I remarked to my buddy that Matt Schaub was doing his best impression of David Carr, circa 2006. Awful pocket presence. Horrible decisions with the ball, including two (2) interceptions that made me recoil in horror. Seemed to lock in on 'Dre and not survey the field. Took some brutal hits early (Vonta Leach in particular almost got Schaub decapitated on one of the five (5) sacks) and then looked rattled for the rest of game. And if you didn't watch the game and just looked at his final numbers, you'd think that he didn't play nearly as badly as he did. The similarities are chilling, aren't they?

9. All that said, Kubes was absolutely right not to bring Sage Rosenfels in. With Pittsburgh running as soft a scheme as you'll ever see in the fourth quarter, the Texans were bound to score a garbage TD or two. And better for Schaub to be the one "leading" those drives, even though we know they meant nothing. Had Sage been the guy under center for those meaningless snaps, we would've been bombarded with incessant yammering about how Sage led the team to TDs in limited action when Schaub couldn't do it. It would have been ludicrous, but it still would've been a distraction the team does not need.

10. Speaking of meaningless snaps, what the hell was Andre Johnson doing in there once the score was 35-3? Does Kubes not remember what happened when he pulled that crap nearly one year ago to the day? I'm all for 'Dre getting his (hell, he's on my fantasy team), but that was a ridiculous risk the team shouldn't be taking with its best offensive player.

11. Kevin Walter and Owen Daniels each had one amazing catch. Would have been nice to see Schaub give them opportunities to go for two, three, four, or even five more receptions, huh?

12. Apostrophe Davis and Jacoby Jones held on to the ball during returns. That's about the nicest thing I can say about their impact on the game.

13. You would not believe how much Steelers fans despise Kris Brown. If you ever want to have some fun with one, tell them how automatic and clutch Brown has been as a Texan.

14. Mario Williams was fantastic. It's clear that he's picked up where he left off at the end of last season. He was superb. As bad as the game was, thinking about how dominant he was is the overriding positive. Praise doesn't do him justice.

15. The rest of the defensive line, however, was putrid. I'm going to stroke out if I write too long about it, so I'll break it down as quickly as I can. Neither Anthony Weaver or Travis Johnson should start another game for the Texans. Weaver is completely impotent at DE, and Tr. Johnson alternates between ineffective and galactically stupid (e.g., his horrible and catastrophic personal foul, one of which he seems to be good for each week). There's no way, and I mean NO WAY, that the alternatives at DE and/or DT could perform any worse. Please, Kubes...make an executive decision here. Weaver and Johnson are simply awful.

16. I thought Amobi Okoye made a play or two, but the stat sheet doesn't show it. If the Texans are going to be anything other than Super Mario & the Three Clowns, Amobi needs to find another gear.

17. I had Willie Parker on my fantasy team last season, and he scored two (2) TDs all year. Yesterday, he scored three (3) in one game. Clearly, Willie knew I was at Heinz Field yesterday and wanted to give me the bird. Message received loud and clear, Mr. Parker. I hate you.

18. DeMeco was all over the field, as usual. But it's not good when he's making 90% of his tackles ten (10) yards downfield.

19. Zac Diles racked up a ton of tackles, but I wasn't overly impressed with him. Still, that's worlds better than Morlon Greenwood. Remember when I called him "the most underrated defensive player in the NFL?" Dumbassery like that is why people don't take blogs seriously. Hey, X-Factor--get healthy already!

20. Fred Bennett looked like Petey Faggins yesterday.

21. Jacques Reeves looked surprisingly decent yesterday.

22. Any time the middle of the field looks like you could land an airplane in it, the safeties are not doing their jobs. Demps and Brown might as well have been on the sidelines for all the good they did. Is that on them, or is it on Richard Smith? I'll reserve judgment for now.

23. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Andre Johnson; Defense--Mario Williams; Special Teams--Matt Turk.

24. Finally, I just want to share a few thoughts on my trip to the Steel City. My buddy had warned me how much the Steelers meant to the city, how dedicated their fans were, how it was a different place than Houston. I'm here to tell you that whatever you've heard about how passionate Steelers fans are, multiply it by ten. You go to a city that boasts an NFL team the day before the game, and maybe you'll see a sign or two in a storefront; maybe you'll see a local wearing some gear. What you won't see is 80% of the population wearing some sort of team paraphernalia on a non-game day. Yet that's exactly what I saw in Pittsburgh, everywhere I went. The city is absolutely devoted to that team. To say I was amazed is an understatement.

And lest you think Steeler Nation is full of over-the-top pricks, let me say this: I could not have been treated any better as an opposing fan during my time in Pittsburgh. Granted, perhaps a Browns fan wouldn't be afforded that same respect. But I was, and it stuck with me. I got some good-natured ribbing (e.g., a dude wearing a Jack Lambert jersey telling me I had "big balls wearing a Texans shirt in this town"), but it was all in fun. The disastrous game aside, I have nothing but good things to say about Pittsburgh and their fans. They're first class, and they should be proud.

In less than a week, the Ravens come to town for the Texans' home opener. It goes without saying that this is a gigantic game for the good guys. Baltimore features an offense, a rookie QB, and a stout defense that should provide plenty of opportunity for redemption. Time to answer the bell, boys.

Due to a failed two-point conversion (that I'm betting even Wade Phillips would've rather seen converted if it meant getting to avoid overtime and the risk of injury to anyone on his squad), this year's Governor's Cup returns to Dallas. Make no mistake, though--if not for a couple of costly/timely turnovers by the opposition, this game would've gotten ugly. Here's the final box score.

Critiquing after preseason games is tough. As fans, we really have no idea how closely the coaches played it to the vest. If you're truly trying to win a football game, you play your best players as much as possible; you don't sit them after a half or three (3) quarters. With that in mind, I think we all need to take a deep breath and not completely lose our collective mind just yet. Three (3) preseason games is, however, enough of a sample size for us to note one fairly troubling pattern:

Your Houston Texans defense has not stopped the opposition with anything approaching regularity.

No need to panic yet, but Richard Smith & Co. are not exactly engendering confidence amongst the battle red masses. Save the hysteria until we see how the squad does at Pittsburgh and at home hosting Baltimore. A few other observations:

1. Keep those good thoughts coming for Harry Williams. Surgery was apparently successful yesterday, and all of our best should go to Williams and his family.

2. Still no pass rush. At all. And yes, I know: Super Mario was working against double and triple teams most of the evening. But you know what? That should, in theory, mean that other players were free to get to Tony Romo, who had all the time in the world to do whatever he wanted on Friday night. Dallas' OL is one of the best in the league, but to not disrupt the offense at all? Inexcusable, regardless of whether Richard Smith refused to unveil any of his plus packages or schemes.

3. If I was Rosevelt Colvin, I'd be rather worried that I was going to get Keenan McCardelled in a day or five. Colvin's done next to nothing in game action.

4. If Chris Brown makes this team, I'll be flabbergasted. The guy is a walking justification for the non-guaranteed contract system embraced by the NFL.

5. For reasons unknown to me, Kubes continues to insist that Ahman Green will be ready to play by Week One. If he in fact is deemed "healthy," he's going to start. And when Green inevitably pulls a hamstring during the national anthem, Steve Slaton will be your new No. 1 RB.

6. Good to see Andre Johnson back on the field, but it was pretty clear his timing was off. He was a complete non-factor.

7. The Schaub looked absolutely brutal for the first quarter of Friday night's game before transforming into the QB we saw dissect New Orleans a week ago. While the OL didn't surrender a sack, Schaub and Rosenfels were forced to deliver the ball earlier than they would've liked for the majority of the night.

8. Kevin Walter won't sneak up on opposing teams this year, but I think the guy's still going to improve on last year's numbers. He just has a knack for making the tough catch, and I think Schaub is very comfortable going to him in any situation.

9. Apostrophe Davis is what Jacoby Jones should be.

10. Nice to see Owen Daniels raising his game as the preseason has progressed. Honestly, can you give me another team's 3 WR/1 TE set that you'd rather have than 'Dre/Walter/Apostrophe/Daniels?

11. Aside from Super Mario's goal line strip (recovered by Frank Okam), the run defense was abysmal on Friday night. And the pass defense wasn't any better. I'm no expert, but you're going to have problems winning football games if you can't stop the other team on the ground or through the air. At this point in the analysis, I'm of the mind that we're going to see an awful lot of shootouts this season.

12. Jacques Reeves continues to implicitly encourage the NFL to replace the numbers on the back of his jersey with a bullseye.

13. DeMeco Ryans looked like DeMeco Ryans on Friday night.

14. Zac Diles is your starter at SLB. There should be no further debate, especially since that INT he snagged in the end zone almost made me spontaneously combust.

15. We're counting on Fred Bennett to be a No. 1, shutdown CB. It's only preseason, but he has not looked like one yet. Considering he's going to have The Human Torch or a rookie on the other side of the field from him, this terrifies me.

16. Kris Brown seems to get better every game. The guy is automatic.

I've rambled enough. What say you, BRB? Who's impressed you? Made you question the existence of a benevolent Creator? Share your takes in the Comments below.

As always, here are the final stats. While we still need to temper our reactions (deep breath...it's only preseason...it's only preseason...exhale), Saturday night's win at New Orleans left us with plenty to chew on. Let's get going:

1. Matt Schaub played QB about as well as it can possibly be played. Whereas his effort the week before featured one abominable throw, Saturday night's showing was epic from start to finish. We all know it, but it bears mentioning again: If he stays upright, he's going to be a top ten QB in the NFL this season.

2. I was a bit critical of Sage in the live game threads (here and here), and I'll admit the numbers don't back me up. But he made a throw or two that looked like Schaub's mistake last week, so the stats may not tell the whole story.

3. Another positive: Chris Brown carried the ball eight (8) times (for a paltry 19 yards) and seemingly managed to avoid breaking, tearing, rupturing, spraining, straining, and/or tweaking anything. Wonders never cease.

4. From what I've seen, I believe the coaching staff is giving Chris Taylor every opportunity to be RB2 in this offense. He's looked good at times and average to slightly below-average most of the time, however, so the jury's out on whether he will win the gig.

5. Steve Slaton looked markedly better in Week Two. I'm excited about the possibility of him stealing the starting job by Pittsburgh.

6. Kevin Walter is a damn fine WR, and I'm ashamed that I ever doubted him. Preseason or no preseason, 100 receiving yards in a half is elite work.

7. Considering the high regard I hold for K-Dub, it with the utmost respect I say this: David Anderson is a poor man's Kevin Walter. Dude is strong-arming his way into the WR rotation. Speaking of...

8. Jacoby Jones is strong-arming his way to irrelevance. If he doesn't get his act together, he's going to get into Texans games as much as I will this year.

9. The OL looked unbelievable in pass protection again, and I thought the run-blocking was better than the week before (though there's still plenty of room for improvement there).

10. Duane Brown continues to impress. I mean, REALLY impress. It's only preseason, but the guy looks like he knows what he's doing. Quick--name another Texans LT you could say that about week-to-week.

11. Morlon Greenwood looked bad...again.

12. He was by no means alone. I thought the defense as a whole looked mediocre at best and like a doormat at worst. ZERO pass rush. Decent job stopping the run. Horrendous job in pass coverage, though a couple of Brees' long completions honestly could not have been defended any better; Brees just made perfect throws. Speaking of...

13. Jacques Reeves looked like the Jacques Reeves Dallas fans were so happy to see depart more often than not. I had high hopes that Antwaun Molden would pick up the slack, but Molden looked like the rookie he is. He'll get better, I know. Reeves will get better, I pray.

14. Great safety play from Demps and Brown. They were good in run support last week, and I thought they improved in the passing game this week.

15. Overall, another game that meant nothing, though it was nice to see the Texans have to manage the game at the end to win. Most importantly, no season-ending injuries. We'll take it.

Next up: "America's Team" on Friday night. You know, if your "America" is Satan's playground.

First things first: Box score is here. Since we haven't made it to the regular season yet and most of the starters didn't play after the first quarter, this'll be a far more abbreviated PGB than the usual song and dance. Without further ado, here's what stood out to me as I watched Kris Brown prove once again why it's becoming increasingly permissible to spell "Chris" with a "K":

1. Based upon an admittedly small sample size from yesterday's contest, Super Mario is going to take it to another level this year. He's otherwordly.

2. The Schaub looked pretty sharp, with the exception of that lone red zone throw into triple coverage. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, lest I have to double my lithium dose.

3. Sage Rosenfels was, in a word, brilliant. His TD pass to David Anderson and forty-one (41) yard completion to Jacoby Jones were things of beauty.

4. Speaking of...David Anderson is making this team as the fifth WR. And I'm ecstatic about it.

5. Speaking of...Jacoby Jones broke every damn rule in the return game playbook with his fumbled return, yet he had exactly one guy to beat when he coughed it up. Otherwise, he's going to the house and we're all raving about him being back.

6. Kevin Walter is going to be even better this year than he was last year. And that's saying something.

7. Regarding Apostrophe Davis, see the preceding point. I don't know that I'd trade Houston's receiving corps for any other team's in the NFL.

8. The running game did not look to be any better than it was last year, though Steve Slaton did show flashes of potential in his first few carries.

9. Ahman Green hurting himself on the first preseason play from scrimmage, without anyone touching him, would be funny if it wasn't so completely expected. Not that any of us was really counting on Green playing 16 games this year, but this is silly.

10. The OL looked very solid in pass protection.

11. And I'd be remiss if I didn't note that Duane Brown looked stupendous in his professional debut. Quick feet, good hands, no penalties...it's only preseason, but I really liked what I saw.

12. The defense did not look good at all. They were absolutely victimized in the flat and consistently looked slow to the sideline. Not good.

13. I love Morlon Greenwood. You love Morlon Greenwood. I did not love his play last night. He was either (1) out of position or (2) a step or two behind. Either one is bad.

14. But Zac Diles? Very solid effort in his starting debut.

15. The secondary was up and down. Fred Bennett got abused on some plays that he shouldn't have been if he's truly a No. 1 CB. Jacques Reeves still scares me. Jamar Fletcher was good more often than he was bad. Demps and Brown did an admirable job in run support, and didn't let anyone get behind them. And Nick Ferguson's INT caused me to jump out of my seat, spilling my lady friend's red wine all over her, me, and one of our neighbors. I felt really bad about staining an innocent spectator's khakis, but I had no such remorse for my date or myself. She shouldn't be drinking red wine at a football game, and I shouldn't be dating women who drink red wine at football games.

16. We've heard Kubes rave about Amobi Okoye taking that next step. Although he didn't play much, I saw enough to believe the hype. Well, and I want to believe it. So maybe I'm not the best impartial judge on the subject. But I believe.

17. Finally, and most importantly, keep a good thought for Louis Green, the Denver linebacker who was carted off the field on a stretcher. He's been discharged from the hospital, but that doesn't diminish the scary impact of the moment. Here's hoping he's healthy and back to making a living for his family as soon as possible.

So, BRB, what do you think? On to New Orleans!

December 2, 2007.  3rd & 7.  Rosenfels is back in the shotgun.  The ball is snapped and Rosenfels passes over the middle to Ron Dayne for a short gain.  Fred Weary goes down with a knee injury.  Back in Houston, Mike Brisiel saw it all on TV.  His stomach turned.  One of his teammates and good friends was hurt.  As he kept watching, he saw Chris White come in and also go down with an injury.  

It was a bittersweet day for Mike.  He had just seen 3 teammates injured, but in the back of his mind, he knew that the team would be calling him up.  He'd been working on the practice squad for 2 years, competing week in and week out for his chance.  And when it came, he took it.

Game day came, and Brisiel took the field with the starters.  He spent most of the game working against Kevin Carter.  Mike said he'd always remember that first game and having to move Carter off the ball because he was so big and had such long arms.  Yet as we all saw, the Texans and Mike Brisiel got it done.

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Last Saturday, I was again fortunate enough to appear on another podcast to discuss your Houston Texans; this time, it was via the excellent fantasy football site Dynasty Rogues. If you're interested in hearing the latest edition of my audible idiocy (including my fantasy sleeper prediction), click here and take a gander about halfway down the page.