Better late than never, right? As Baltimore is fast ahead, let's put the latest road loss in the rearview mirror as quickly as possible...

1. The most maddening thing I think I've read all season, courtesy of Jacques "I Make Petey Faggins Look Good" Reeves:

"That’s what I want," Reeves said about quarterbacks trying to pick on him. "It gives me a chance to make plays, so I have no problem with it."

You have got to be kidding me. News flash, Pepe Le Pew: You're awful. Every Sunday, you make me want to go on a killing spree. You make Petey Faggins, widely considered to be the worst defensive back in all of football, look like Deion Sanders. I hate you, Frenchy. The reason teams throw at you is precisely because you do not make plays (Sunday's fluke pick-six aside). They're going to throw at you regardless, so the least you could do is not encourage them to do so. It's akin to dousing yourself in gasoline and then dancing around a campfire. I want to scream right now.

2. There are lots of reasons to think Richard Smith is an incompetent boob. The refusal to blitz. The insistence on playing defensive linemen who are nowhere near as productive as the younger guys below them on the depth chart. The inability to maximize the skills of his personnel. These are all good reasons. But in my opinion, there is no bigger reason to want Smith's head on a platter than his cornerback rotation. I'm willing to be lenient about his use of Dunta Robinson; Dunta's still rounding into shape after a horrific injury and is shaking the rust off (e.g., getting beat for a TD by Sidney Rice). No such benefit of the doubt, however, when it comes to Richard Smith's bizarre use of Fred Bennett and absolute refusal to incorporate Antwaun Molden into the rotation. Bennett was a revelation last year; now he can't even get consistent snaps in front of Jacques Reeves and/or Petey Faggins? I'll make this perfectly clear: I would rather see Fred Bennett wearing his helmet backwards and lined up across from Jerry Rice than be subjected to another second of Reeves or Faggins. Simply put, there's no way Bennett is worse than either of those guys. It's not possible. I have no idea if Molden is an answer at CB, but give me the potential that he is over the known quantity that is the poisonous non-coverage skills of the incumbents any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Again, I want to scream.

3. Hey, Dick Smith: Tim Bulman and Earl Cochran each notched a sack. In light of that success, as well as the fact that they've clearly outplayed the guys ahead of them all season, any chance Bulman and Cochran supplant Travis Johnson and The Corpse Formerly Known As Anthony Weaver as the starters? Or even take snaps away from them? Of course not.

6. I think DeMeco's ankle is really messed up. He's spoiled us since his rookie year, so it blows to have to see him look less than the stellar Pro Bowler we're used to.

7. The last memory I'll have of Zac Diles this season is him biting on that fake and allowing Visanthe Shiancoe to score the winning TD for the Vikings. I hate that.

8. If Owen Daniels isn't in Honolulu in February, there should be an investigation. 11 catches for 133 yards? Tight ends don't put up those kind of numbers.

9. The Vikes neutralized Andre Johnson as well as a team not named the Texans can do it. As opposed to years past, the nice thing is that the Texans have enough other weapons that the offense doesn't completely grind to a halt if 'Dre has a quieter game. The offense may not be as explosive without 'Dre hovering around 100 receiving yards, but guys like OD, K-Dub, and Steve Slaton still give the QB options. That's a treat.

10. Duane Brown and Ephraim Salaam should be ashamed of themselves. I know Jared Allen's a stud and all, but they were outclassed the entire game. As I noted here, one play of Salaam getting pancaked really sticks out in my mind. The fact that Brown has to face another 3-4 defense on Sunday (remember what James Harrison and Joey Porter did to ol' Duane) should have Sage increasing his life insurance policy.

11. Staying on Sage...that pick into double coverage (in the end zone, no less) that effectively ended the game was atrocious. Communication issues aside, there was no excuse for that throw. The worst part about it? Tell me you didn't see it coming. You're lying.

12. The Texans' defense is far too crappy for the offense to be able to turn the ball over at all, much less inside the red zone. It's a chronic problem that doesn't seem to get better at all, and I don't know why. Is it simply execution by the players? Is it coaching? What's the deal?

13. Matt Schaub shouldn't have been out there after he started limping, though I appreciate his toughness. His INT on the wounded duck to Vonta Leach looked to be the result of his inability to put his whole body into the throw. No player ever wants to come out, so that's on Kubes.

14. What's not on Kubes, however, is Schaub's fumbling. It's also a problem that's not going away.

15. Thought the interior of the Houston OL did a very admirable job against the one ton of push that is the Williams Wall. That was unexpected.

16. I'm tired and now much angrier than when I started writing this, so I'm wrapping this up. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Owen Daniels; Defense--Zac Diles; Special Teams--Kris Brown (by default).

Sunday brings the Ike'd out game against Baltimore, and your Houston Texans will be without their starting QB and leading tackler. The only way this could be any more ominous is if it was on the road.

You folks know the drill by now, so here we go...three (3) things that are sure to happen tomorrow afternoon in Minnesota. WARNING: These things may not actually occur.

1. Andre Johnson will become the first player in NFL history to notch five (5) straight games with at least 130 receiving yards. History will be made, people! It'll be like witnessing the signing of the Declaration of Independence, only awesomer and more relevant. And 'Dre will add in a TD catch to boot. Which is good, because the Houston passing game (and more importantly, pass protection) will need to be firing on all cylinders to keep Jared Allen & Co. off The Schaub's back.

2. Your Houston Texans secondary will not intercept Gus Frerotte once. They'll intercept him twice, with one being made by Eugene Wilson, and another being made by Jacques Reeves. The latter will be a sight to see, as the ball will actually bounce high in the air off the back of Reeves' helmet; he'll then turn around and the ball will magically land in his hands, which he will have raised above his waist for the first time all season for the purpose of adjusting his helmet. You know, from the ball bouncing off of it.

3. Amobi Okoye will get his first sack of the season. In a related story, I will curse Anthony Weaver for stealing money from the organization at least seven (7) times during the broadcast.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Back in July, I said this about Sunday's game (I had the Texans coming into the game at 4-3), which should've been coming after our bye week:

Unfortunately, the Vikes are coming off a bye this week as well. On the plus side, I figure there's a decent chance that Tarvaris Jackson has Minnesota fans wishing they'd offered a second-rounder for Sage and/or Adrian Peterson crumbling under the strain of forty (40) carries per game. Call me a putz, but I see a hard-fought win here. 5-3, baby.

Jackson's riding the pine, the Rosencopter occurred in steel blue/liberty white/battle red instead of purple, and Peterson's only had 151 carries so far, with nary a thirty (30) carry day this season. I'll stick with the last sentence, though: Call me a putz, but see a hard-fought win here. Texans 27, Vikings 24. Please disregard all "statistics," "data," "logic," and "trends" about how the Texans can't win on the road. If you can do that, you'll understand the prediction.

Because if they don't, it could be a long day for your Houston Texans in Minnesota on Sunday. The official site reports some jarring statistics:

Peterson ranks second in the NFL in rushing with 684 yards behind Washington's Clinton Portis with 944 yards. Peterson has five rushing touchdowns this season, which ranks ninth in the league. His career average of 96.4 rushing yards per game in 21 pro games ranks the highest in the NFL over the past two seasons.

Add in that the Texans are currently giving up an average of nearly 120 rushing yards per game (and thus ranked 21st in the league against the run), and the prospect of stopping Peterson becomes downright terrifying. Man, I could really use some inspiring quotes from the defense about how they're going to handle Peterson. What's that? The official site has some? Great!

"If anybody has a secret, please let me know," cornerback Jacques Reeves said. "I'm open for suggestions. We just have to get to the ball and gang tackle."

"After he gets past the front line, when he gets to the secondary, it's trouble,'' cornerback Demarcus Faggins said. "He's very hard to tackle in the open field. He's big and also if he gets a step on you he's gone. He can run you over. He can run past you.

Well, that didn't work. Actually, I think we can expand Petey's notion to, "If the ball gets past the front line, when it gets to the secondary, it's trouble." But I digress; let's keep it on Peterson. The other quotes in the article, from DeMeco, Diles, and The Corpse Formerly Known As Anthony Weaver, more or less agree with Reeves' take; namely, that it's folly to think that Peterson can be handled one-on-one. He'll require multiple Texans to keep him in check. That's fine and good, but it's still going to require good tackling, and that's something the Texans have struggled with at times this season.

Aside from the tackling concerns, I'm wondering how Richard Smith plans to attack the Vikings' offense. Convential wisdom would seem to suggest that you'd stick eight (8) in the box and make Gus Frerotte beat you. That's all well and good, but then you're leaving your secondary on an island, an act which I'd totally support if we could figure out a way to literally maroon Petey Faggins and Jacques Reeves on a remote archipelago. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't, right?

This strikes me as a game where you really, really need a defensive coordinator who can make adjustments on the fly, bringing pressure from different angles and moving players all over the place prior to the snap. Unfortunately, I don't have any confidence that Richard Smith is capable of doing that. Thus, I pose the question to you, BRB: How do you stop Adrian Peterson? Because I don't think your Houston Texans can.