A day later, I really don't feel any different than I did last night. I still maintain that Sage Rosenfels gave Indianapolis the game. I still maintain that the coaches and/or playcalling were not responsible for the loss, though I appreciate the solid back-and-forth that the two camps had going in the Comments to the previous post.

Regardless of how much affinity we have for the Texans, we will always remember yesterday for the last four (4) minutes in the fourth quarter. And that's a huge shame, because there were so many standout performances from other Texans. Although it's surely no consolation to Sage, I also think one Texan in particular should send Sage a cash basket in appreciation for keeping the suck spotlight off of him. Let's get to it:

1. The reason the Texans looked like a complete football team for the first time this season was due entirely to the appearance of an element that's been absent nearly the entire season. That magical component? A pass rush. Your Houston Texans, and specifically their front four, got consistent pressure on Peyton Manning and knocked him on his rear throughout the game. Super Mario notched two (2) sacks and was in Peyton's kitchen all afternoon, disrupting the flow of the Indy offense. We've come to expect that from Mario, so that's not a big surprise. But you know who did show up for the first time this season?

2. Amobi Okoye! He got more penetration than we've seen all season; he was getting to and knocking down Peyton consistently in the second half. Could yesterday have been Amobi's arrival as a force to be reckoned with, like Super Mario did against Kansas City last year?

3. Linebacking play was far better than it's been all season, too. While DeMeco is always going to be a stalwart, I was impressed with how well Zac Diles and (gasp!) Morlon Greenwood played. Greenwood in particular made some nice tackles at the line of scrimmage and slightly behind it.

4. That brings me to another crucial point: The tackling was infinitely better yesterday than it's been all season. The Texans wrapped up and generally didn't let the opposition squirm away, unlike their efforts the previous three (3) games.

5. Was it just me, or did anyone else think we got better safety play from the "reserves" than we have from Brown and Demps?

6. Fred Bennett had a couple of very nice plays, though I'm not sure that each one called for a celebration akin to having won the Super Bowl. Hopefully, like Amobi, this is the start of something big.

7. The worst player on the field whenever the Colts had the ball was easily Jacques Reeves. If not for Sage monopolizing the fanbase's scorn, Reeves' insistence on continuing to play CB as if he has no arms and wearing a neck brace would be the overriding negative of the game. He's simply awful, and he's clearly the weakest link in a weak secondary. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that I'd rather have Dunta Robinson hobbling around on crutches out there instead of Reeves at 100%.

8. In the rare event that Pepe Le Pew has any defenders, please do not point to the pass he "knocked away" in the end zone in the first half. Marvin Harrison had Reeves beat; Peyton simply underthrew that ball. Frenchy wouldn't have been able to lay a hand on it if he'd actually been in good position. That's not good corner play. But congratulations, Jacques Reeves. You've done the impossible. You've made me long for Petey Faggins to get more snaps. Do you know how dirty that makes me feel?

9. Seriously...I'd rather have Petey Faggins, who I thought was the worst DB in the league, get more playing time than a free agent acquisition inked to a multi-year deal mere months ago. Chew on that for a bit, and then try not to vomit.

10. The offensive line, both in run and pass blocking, was superb. Duane Brown in particular did an admirable job holding off Dwight Freeney. Freeney beat him a couple of times, but I thought the rookie acquitted himself in tremendous fashion. And did you see how Brown was sprinting after Gary Brackett after Sage's first fumble? Talk about heart.

11. The next decent snap Bryan Pittman makes will be the first I've seen in a month. How has he not been cut yet?

12. Steve Slaton continues to look like he was the steal of the draft. I honestly could not be any happier with him.

13. Was that Ahman Green I saw running hard between the tackles? And not pulling up lame? I must have been drunk.

14. 'Dre--Nine (9) catches for 131 yards and a TD. He's back.

15. Quick: Name five (5) current tight ends you'd rather have than Owen Daniels. Can you do it? Because I can't.

16. As a whole, the offense looked like a well-oiled machine. Well, at least until the unpleasantness at the end, that is.

17. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Andre Johnson; Defense--Mario Williams; Special Teams--Kris Brown (with a special nod to Kevin Bentley, whose special teams play is becoming a consistent rave every week).

18. I'll leave you with an observation from my buddy Jay. You remember Jay; he become a bit of a legend around these parts after his conduct in Nashville last year. When we met up after the game, Jay attempted to express his feelings on the loss. I can assure you I am only barely paraphrasing here when I report that he uttered the following line:

If today's game was a hurricane, I feel like my house got blown away. And then I was raped by looters.

Ahhhh, Texans fandom. Bring on the Dolphins, I guess.

Pardon the blatant abuse of Bon Jovi in the title to this post, if you will. As I was debating how to recap yesterday's game, I was struck by the duality of your Houston Texans after their loss to the Jaguars of Jacksonville. On one hand, the passing game looked terrific. On the other hand, the running game continued to look like it has since the franchise's inception. Which is to say, inconsistent at best, and nonexistent at worst. Still, that middling effort was far better than what we saw out of the defense, particularly in the second half. And no matter what kind of spin we try to put on it, the fact remains that your Houston Texans have lost three (3) in a row, two (2) of which were within the division. Dress it up all you want, but that burns.

The breaking dawn on the horizon, of course, is that the good guys don't have to leave their new open-air stadium for the next month. And while I'd certainly rather be catching the Colts with a semblance of momentum and/or not coming off their bye week, they haven't looked like the Colts we've grown accustomed to crushing our collective will to live playing, and they've got some real injury issues of their own. After Indy, the Texans host Miami, Detroit, and Cincinnati. While it's admittedly unreasonable to think the hometown team is going to rattle off four (4) wins in a row, it's not entirely insane to hope that they take three (3) of the next four.

So how does this tie in to yesterday afternoon's loss? Before yesterday, the Texans had not given us a reason to think they were capable of winning three (3) games all season, much less three of their next four. Now? We can at least hope. As I've realized that being a Texans fan is the sporting equivalent of being Andy Dufresne, all I can say is that hope is a good thing, and no good thing ever dies. Unless your secondary murders it. Segue, baby!

1. I really have nothing good to say about any of the Houston defensive backs. They can't tackle, and they can't cover. I'm no expert, but I think the chronic failure to do both of those things bodes very poorly for them (and by extension, us) for the rest of the season.

2. Staying on the secondary, C.C. Brown broke his arm and is out for the season. Normally, it'd be a huge blow to lose your starting strong safety. And hell, maybe it will be in C.C.'s case. But I believe there's an excellent chance that whoever takes over the starting gig (Dominique Barber? Nick Ferguson?) cannot be any worse. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.

3. Jacques Reeves can stay stride for stride with any WR in the league. Unfortunately for us, playing CB requires the occasional movement of one's arms and/or turning of one's head. Both of those qualities seem to be beyond Pepe Le Pew's skill set.

4. Fred Bennett just makes me sad. Remember how good he was last year?

5. DeMeco made some unreal plays yesterday, but he also missed what might have been the biggest tackle of his professional career in overtime (ended up setting up the winning FG for Scobee). Scobee would've probably hit anything closer than 55 yards out, so in the final analysis, it's not like it was catastrophic, but still...I expect more from the leader of the defense.

6. When did Quincy Monk steal Morlon Greenwood's identity and roster spot?

7. The pass rush is still mostly a figment of my imagination, but the Texans did put David Garrard on his back quite a few times, albeit not for sacks. Super Mario might as well have had a saddle on his back throughout most of the game, yet he still managed to be disruptive. I also really liked what I saw from Earl Cochran; he was about 758 times more active than Anthony Weaver's corpse usually is.

8. At DT, Amobi Okoye continues to be a complete non-factor. What the hell's the deal? Is he too small/light to penetrate and/or tie up blockers? Does he need a planetoid like Frank Okam playing next to him to allow him to contribute? Whatever the hold-up is, Richard Smith had better figure out how to take advantage of Okoye's talent. I hesitate to put too much of Okoye's struggles on Okoye himself, purely because I remember how effective he looked early in his rookie season. Plus, the thought of the Texans whiffing on two (2) first-round defensive tackles in a three (3) year period makes me want to jam a pair of scissors in my eye.

9. Travis Johnson was healthy enough to play, yet he didn't get the start. Jeff Zgonina ain't Warren Sapp, but at least he's not a headcase liable to pick up a personal foul or two, all the while running his mouth at a rate approximately 235 times faster than he moves in the trenches.

10. In the time it's taken you to read this far, David Garrard could have completed fifteen (15) consecutive slants without Richard Smith making a single adjustment. On a related note, perhaps our venerable defensive coordinator has used the thirty (30) hours since the game ended to figure out that maybe, just maybe, it might be a good idea to spy David Garrard instead of letting him singlehandedly scramble down the middle of the field what seemed like eight (8) straight times.

11. Kris Brown continues to be the most consistent player on the entire roster.

12. What does it say about Jacoby Jones that I would have rather had him not touch the ball, allowing it to be downed at the one-yard line, instead of picking it up and trying to return it? I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown every time he fields a punt and/or catches a pass.

13. Final word on special teams: I'm no professional football player or coach, but I believe a timeout might be warranted when you notice Jacksonville's "punt team" does not actually feature anyone lining up to punt the ball. And as bad as that was, the abhorrent tackling featured after the snap actually took the cake. Bravo, Petey Faggins.

14. The Schaub was, in a word, brilliant. He made the right reads, went through his progressions, protected the ball, and all in all looked absolutely nothing like the fraud we saw in the first two games of the season. It was undeniably the biggest game of his professional career, and Matt Schaub played his position about as well as it can be played. Kudos to Kubes as well for scripting the first several plays to feature short passes that would allow Schaub to get into a rhythm and build his confidence. Simply a superlative performance, and I have no doubt The Schaub would have led the Texans to victory if we hadn't lost the coin flip at the beginning of overtime.

15. Owen Daniels showed why he is one of the, if not the, best young TE(s) in the NFL--made some tough catches and picked up yards after the catch.

16. I know it's stupid, but I'm worried about Andre Johnson. Tremendous catch in the middle of the field late in the fourth quarter aside, he just doesn't look like the 'Dre we all know and love. He's more decoy than No. 1 WR right now. What gives?

17. Thankfully, Kevin Walter was there to pick up his slack (and/or vulture his TDs, if you're a 'Dre fantasy owner). He seemed to pick up that crucial last yard to cross the marker whenever the situation called for it, and he flashed the skills that shocked everyone not named Gary Kubiak last season. More, please.

18. Stupendous job in pass protection by the OL. The Schaub was clean all day, and we were all reminded of how effective the passing game can be if he's given time to throw. I was particularly impressed with the interior of the line, especially after the beating(s) they took in the first two games.

19. It's a really, really good thing that we hardly ever hear an announcer utter Duane Brown's name.

20. There weren't a ton of holes created for Steve Slaton to get through, but I loved the way he looked between the tackles. Factor in the additional facet the offense picks up by featuring him as a legitimate option out of the backfield, and Slaton could be a poor man's version of Brian Westbrook.

21. Is anyone else tickled that Ahman Green has lost out on $400,000.00 since the season opener? Given Slaton's emergence, at what point do you just send Green to the injured reserve?

22. Fake Game Balls: Offense--The Schaub; Defense--Super Mario; Special Teams--Kris Brown.

23. Did I really compare being a Texans fan to being wrongfully convicted, imprisoned, and brutalized at the beginning of this post? Hmmmmmm....so I did. And I stand by it. At least until the first win of '08.

I'd love to sit here and tell you that your Houston Texans are "the best 0-2 team you'll ever see." Really, I would. But I can't, because they're not. The numbers don't lie.

Since the 2008 regular season began, the Texans have looked like something that is expelled from a canine's anus. In reality, your Houston Texans have looked far more like the two (2) win team of 2005 than the eight (8) win team of 2007. And yes, I know...the Texans have played two (2) teams that feature defenses likely to be ranked in the Top Five at season's end. And I also realize that the effects of Hurricane Ike surely weighed heavy on the minds of everyone in the Houston organization for the last week. The fact remains, however, that hurricane or no hurricane, talented opponent or not, the Texans we saw in Pittsburgh and Nashville could not have beaten anyone in the NFL. They sucked. Badly. Pure and simple. There's no way around that. And if they don't turn this thing around quickly, we're headed for a first-round pick in the first hour of the 2009 NFL Draft.

Luckily (right now; that may change) for us, there's still a ton of football to be played. All's not lost...yet. But yesterday reinforced several of the issues we saw in Pittsburgh. Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

1. There are very few positives to be gleaned from yesterday's abomination, so I'm getting those out of the way first. The brightest spot, of course, was Steve Slaton (18 carries for 116 yards and a TD). While nearly half of those yards came from one run, when was the last time a Texan RB even broke off a run of more than ten (10) yards? I'm not looking that gift horse in the mouth. Not that we have to worry about it, because it would actually require Ahman Green to suit up, but there should be ZERO debate over who should be starting at RB.

2. Apostrophe Davis was also a solid contributor yesterday. Between his good returns and that forty-nine (49) yard reception, Davis did not make me want to vomit into an airplane pillowcase (consider that last phrase a bit of foreshadowing, gentle reader).

3. The offensive line wasn't great. They probably weren't even good. But I'd say they were passable. They got pushed around too much by another tremendous front four (especially up the middle), but they were not nearly as cringe-inducing as they had been at Heinz Field. I guess what I'm saying is that they sucked a good deal less than they did in their prior engagement. That's worth something, right? Kind of like being the prettiest girl in Oklahoma.

4. I suppose it's technically possible for Matt Schaub to play worse than he has the last two (2) games. After all, there's always another interception to be thrown, more happy feet to display in the pocket, more refusals to look at anyone other than your first read, etc. On an afternoon that saw several Texans striving to be declared the crappiest player on the field, Schaub won the title going away. His interceptions, like those that he threw against the Steelers, were atrocious. How in the hell can Schaub look so bad now when he looked so solid in several games last year? What happened?

5. That said, I don't think you can pull the plug yet. At this point, we've got a body of severely contrasting work. Is he the guy we saw last year against the Saints? Or is he the guy we saw yesterday? I don't know, though I'd readily admit he's trending downward at a precipitous rate. The most important game of his professional career takes place on Sunday in Jacksonville. If Schaub doesn't play one hundred times better, the calls for Sage Rosenfels will be completely justified and may well be impossible for Kubes to ignore.

6. As horrible as Schaub was, he got absolutely no help from his WRs. Andre Johnson dropped two (2) surefire TD passes, and Owen Daniels bobbled away/dropped another one that he should have caught. If those guys aren't going to catch the balls that are thrown their way, the Texans will be lucky to stay within two (2) TDs of anyone all year.

7. Vonta Leach remains a viable option in the passing game, and I remain perplexed as to why this is so.

8. The offensive playcalling was extraordinarily suspect, and I'm not even talking about the six (6) times Kubes went for it on fourth down (that gets its own paragraph). One play really sticks out to me in particular. Third and four from the Houston 20, early third quarter, Texans trailing 21-12. And the call is a pitch outside to Slaton? Zuh? This ain't college ball, and Slaton ain't Barry Sanders. I cannot imagine a poorer call that would not have included taking a knee. But hey, at least that was on third down, because on fourth down...

9. Kubes treated the game like it was Tecmo Bowl. Punting? What's that? Field goals? Those are for wimps! Never mind that Kris Brown is as close to automatic as it gets, and that you could have cut the deficit to six (6) points by simply taking the three (3) each time, thus giving yourself a chance to win the game in the fourth quarter. Nah--letting your anemic offense and jittery QB spit the bit to keep the deficit at twelve (12) is a far more sound strategy.

10. Of course, kicking those FGs would have required Bryan Pittman snapping the ball, which is apparently asking an awful lot out of a guy whose only job is to snap the ball. It was almost like he and Matt Turk got together before the game and said, "Remember last year's game in San Diego? Let's see if we can top it!" Well, congrats, fellas. Turk staggering around like a drunken sorority pledge, complete with his patented falling-down-on-ass-and-chucking-football-straight-up-in-the-air move, was priceless. It'll haunt my dreams for years to come.

11. While we're on the subject of field goals, you cannot settle for two (2) of them when the Titans turn the ball over twice early in the game, giving the Texans unbelievable field position. A good team gets ten (10) points out of those turnovers. A very good team gets fourteen (14). The Texans got six (6). You do the math.

12. You know what would be swell? A pass rush. Whereas in weeks past we've at least been able to rave about Super Mario, the Titans did a tremendous job making him a complete non-factor. Normally, you'd like to think someone else would step up to fill that hole, but instead we got more of the same from the DL: Nothing.

13. Linebacking play was below average. Not nearly as bad as the defensive line, but not good by any stretch of the imagination.

14. Jacques Reeves' first quarter INT was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that ol' Jacques decided he was done touching the ball for the day, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that the football was coming his way a few more times when he was stride for stride with the WR.

15. Fred Bennett, please take a look at tape from last year and attempt to re-capture that technique. I beg you.

16. Will Demps made what I would say was the worst tackle I've ever had the displeasure to see in person on Bo Scaife's TD catch. Frankly, calling it a tackle is misleading, because Demps looked like he was aiming for the ground two (2) yards in front of Scaife.

17. Dunta Robinson was easily the most pumped up individual on the Houston sideline. Unfortunately, he is not playing for another several weeks.

18. One more note on Kubiak...his penchant for ill-conceived challenges has become laughable, but I don't know how much of that is on him. Doesn't he have someone upstairs who's watching the game on video and telling him when a play should be challenged? I believe he does, and I believe I'd be scouring the classifieds today if I was that person.

19. You probably think the title of this post is some sort of metaphor or exaggeration. Or you did, until I hinted otherwise. So here's the story: Dejected after the beating our squad took (and beginning to wonder if my travel to the road games was serving as some sort of jinx), I headed to the airport to fly home. My buddies and I stopped for some food in the Terminal A food court. I decided that some Chinese food would ease my troubled soul, and proceeded to order from Manchu Wok. As I ate it, I remarked to my friends that the chicken did not taste very good. But because I (a) was hungry and (b) am a dumbass, I ate most of it.

Fast forward an hour, and guess who unswallowed his dinner? Into an airplane pillowcase, no less, as his seat didn't have any barf-bags and the damn drink cart was blocking the path to the lavatory? There I sat for another hour, with a seeping sack of barely digested Chinese food at my feet and my sense of self-worth slightly lessened.

You might ask why I'm telling you this terrible tale, and the answer is simple: First, it's somewhat amusing. Secondly, it shows that things can get worse, even when they seem like they can't. Keep that in mind on Sunday when the Texans face the Jags.

I finally got to watch and think about every minute of this weeks game and I am nothing but excited.  Sure the score says it was 31-12, but that's not what I saw on the field.  I saw a solid exciting football team playing their hearts out.

The Texans have faced 2 of the nastiest challenges possible back to back and have gotten better each week.  They to Pittsburgh and got buried, but gave them a few good licks.  And then the Texans got battered by Hurricane Ike before taking the field on the road again to battle the Titans.

And battle they did.  I don't think I saw a single play where I wondered "what in the hell are they doing".  I was cheering into the final seconds.

Gary Kubiak

Many congratulations are deserved this week.  First and foremost, Gary Kubiak for having the balls to go for it on 4th down 6 times.  This was an all out dog fight.  What better way to show your players that you have confidence in them than to let them make a play.  The Texans didn't catch as many breaks as they needed, but they still made huge plays, especially on 4th down.  Keep calling them Kubiak.

Richard Smith

Whatever it was that got him to call this game the way he did, please, please let it happen again.  Our defense blitzed and pressured all game.  Yes, we didn't have any huge game changing plays this week, but there was real life there.  There was a real defense on the field.  Most plays 5-6 guys were crossing the line of scrimmage.  The Texans gave up some coverage and Collins found some holes, but they kept battering him.  By the second quarter, he was sweating profusely and breathing heavily.  Several of his throws were off target and several plays, both runs and passes, were blown up.  That's the kind of Texans defense I want to see. 

Kyle Shanahan

Whether it was Kubiak or Shanahan calling the offense, they did worlds better this week.  They got Schaub moving and it showed in the line play.  The offensive line was much better in their protection.  Most importantly, especially with our undersized mobile line, we had the Titans big fat men, running around laboring for breath.  At one point we even chased Albert Haynesworth off the field. 

Another thing they did well was adjust the play calling.  For some reason they started Schaub with 5-7 step drops and the Titans were getting to him.  By the second quarter they had switched to 3 step drops and screens which was really tearing up the Titans defense.

Third, they tried several different things and stuck with what worked.  There were no vanilla formations for the Texans.  They showed several different looks and both ran and passed out of them.  The Titans defense was noticeably slowed until the 4th quarter when they could pin their ears back. 

Fourth, Kubiak's philosophy is starting to get traction.  Schaub had several good bootlegs.  The running game actually worked this week and Kubiak was able to execute a few of his favorite plays off of it.

Lastly, They absolutely attacked the end zone.  They ran plays attacking the end zone from all over the field.  If any of those plays and scored, this would be an entirely different game.  None the less, they attacked over and over again.  The Texans will score on these plays.

Offense and defense both played a great game.  A loss to a division opponent sucks, but I've never been happier about where an 0-2 team is.

More on some individual players after the jump.

Continue reading this post »

SON OF A .... What can I say? Yesterday, we all witnessed a beating the likes of which we thought we had left in the rearview mirror. Evidently, we were wrong, because the Steelers destroyed your Houston Texans in every way they could be destroyed. If they had been so inclined, Roethlisberger, Parker & Co. could have hung fifty (50) points on the Texans; the only reason that didn't happen was because the Steelers took the proverbial knee in the fourth quarter and threw all of four (4) passes in the third quarter. I haven't seen a team impose its will on the Texans like that, from start to finish, in quite some time. Sure, last season's effort against San Diego was ghastly; maybe this is conveniently revisionist history, but I don't remember it being as categorically pathetic as yesterday's disaster. In short, the Texans played about as poorly as they possibly could, and certainly far worse than any of us ever dreamed. They should be ashamed of themselves. I'm going to swallow my own tongue if I don't stop thinking about the game; let's get this PGB cranked out so we can begin the healing process:

1. Hey, I know it was only limited action, but Ahman Green made it through an entire ga---...what's that? You're kidding me. I did NOT see that one coming. Evidently, neither did Ahman or his agent. Still, there's a good chance Ahman Green made $1,800,000.00 for contributing thirty-one (31) total yards this season. What a country!

2. The statistics don't show it, but I thought Steve Slaton acquitted himself pretty well in his regular season debut. He ran hard and decisively. Truth be told, Ahman looked reasonably good too, right up until he began clutching his Life-Alert pendant.

3. Where was Chris Taylor?

4. The offensive line, on the whole, looked like they should have suited up for a junior high powderpuff game. Although they showed flashes of competence, this certainly wasn't what Alex Gibbs was brought here to do. Look, I know Pittsburgh has one of the, if not the, best front-seven(s) in the NFL. They're fast, they play a unique scheme, and they attack. The Texans might not face a better defense this year. But you know what? I don't care. The Texans were so severely whipped in the trenches (on both sides of the ball, but we'll get to the defense later) that they didn't even look like they were in the same league as the Steelers. They got beat off the edge. They got beat on the interior. They got pushed around. They looked totally overmatched, and that's on the coaches and the players. Specifically...

5. Chris Myers seemed to constantly be giving ground at the point of attack. Granted, that's nearly a given considering Mt. Hampton was the dude doing a lot of the taking, but I was still surprised at how often and how severely Myers looked to be on the wrong end of the battle.

6. I know Duane Brown has garnered mixed reviews from his debut, but I thought he performed fairly well in the first half and was then victimized in the second half by a Pro Bowler who's probably as fast or faster than anyone he'll see all season. Brown's a rookie starting at LT, and he's going to take his lumps. No reason to panic yet, especially not after he looked so capable throughout the preseason.

7. Ephraim Salaam looked pretty slow in limited duty, so I wouldn't harbor any illusions about him displacing D. Brown.

8. As I watched the game, I remarked to my buddy that Matt Schaub was doing his best impression of David Carr, circa 2006. Awful pocket presence. Horrible decisions with the ball, including two (2) interceptions that made me recoil in horror. Seemed to lock in on 'Dre and not survey the field. Took some brutal hits early (Vonta Leach in particular almost got Schaub decapitated on one of the five (5) sacks) and then looked rattled for the rest of game. And if you didn't watch the game and just looked at his final numbers, you'd think that he didn't play nearly as badly as he did. The similarities are chilling, aren't they?

9. All that said, Kubes was absolutely right not to bring Sage Rosenfels in. With Pittsburgh running as soft a scheme as you'll ever see in the fourth quarter, the Texans were bound to score a garbage TD or two. And better for Schaub to be the one "leading" those drives, even though we know they meant nothing. Had Sage been the guy under center for those meaningless snaps, we would've been bombarded with incessant yammering about how Sage led the team to TDs in limited action when Schaub couldn't do it. It would have been ludicrous, but it still would've been a distraction the team does not need.

10. Speaking of meaningless snaps, what the hell was Andre Johnson doing in there once the score was 35-3? Does Kubes not remember what happened when he pulled that crap nearly one year ago to the day? I'm all for 'Dre getting his (hell, he's on my fantasy team), but that was a ridiculous risk the team shouldn't be taking with its best offensive player.

11. Kevin Walter and Owen Daniels each had one amazing catch. Would have been nice to see Schaub give them opportunities to go for two, three, four, or even five more receptions, huh?

12. Apostrophe Davis and Jacoby Jones held on to the ball during returns. That's about the nicest thing I can say about their impact on the game.

13. You would not believe how much Steelers fans despise Kris Brown. If you ever want to have some fun with one, tell them how automatic and clutch Brown has been as a Texan.

14. Mario Williams was fantastic. It's clear that he's picked up where he left off at the end of last season. He was superb. As bad as the game was, thinking about how dominant he was is the overriding positive. Praise doesn't do him justice.

15. The rest of the defensive line, however, was putrid. I'm going to stroke out if I write too long about it, so I'll break it down as quickly as I can. Neither Anthony Weaver or Travis Johnson should start another game for the Texans. Weaver is completely impotent at DE, and Tr. Johnson alternates between ineffective and galactically stupid (e.g., his horrible and catastrophic personal foul, one of which he seems to be good for each week). There's no way, and I mean NO WAY, that the alternatives at DE and/or DT could perform any worse. Please, Kubes...make an executive decision here. Weaver and Johnson are simply awful.

16. I thought Amobi Okoye made a play or two, but the stat sheet doesn't show it. If the Texans are going to be anything other than Super Mario & the Three Clowns, Amobi needs to find another gear.

17. I had Willie Parker on my fantasy team last season, and he scored two (2) TDs all year. Yesterday, he scored three (3) in one game. Clearly, Willie knew I was at Heinz Field yesterday and wanted to give me the bird. Message received loud and clear, Mr. Parker. I hate you.

18. DeMeco was all over the field, as usual. But it's not good when he's making 90% of his tackles ten (10) yards downfield.

19. Zac Diles racked up a ton of tackles, but I wasn't overly impressed with him. Still, that's worlds better than Morlon Greenwood. Remember when I called him "the most underrated defensive player in the NFL?" Dumbassery like that is why people don't take blogs seriously. Hey, X-Factor--get healthy already!

20. Fred Bennett looked like Petey Faggins yesterday.

21. Jacques Reeves looked surprisingly decent yesterday.

22. Any time the middle of the field looks like you could land an airplane in it, the safeties are not doing their jobs. Demps and Brown might as well have been on the sidelines for all the good they did. Is that on them, or is it on Richard Smith? I'll reserve judgment for now.

23. Fake Game Balls: Offense--Andre Johnson; Defense--Mario Williams; Special Teams--Matt Turk.

24. Finally, I just want to share a few thoughts on my trip to the Steel City. My buddy had warned me how much the Steelers meant to the city, how dedicated their fans were, how it was a different place than Houston. I'm here to tell you that whatever you've heard about how passionate Steelers fans are, multiply it by ten. You go to a city that boasts an NFL team the day before the game, and maybe you'll see a sign or two in a storefront; maybe you'll see a local wearing some gear. What you won't see is 80% of the population wearing some sort of team paraphernalia on a non-game day. Yet that's exactly what I saw in Pittsburgh, everywhere I went. The city is absolutely devoted to that team. To say I was amazed is an understatement.

And lest you think Steeler Nation is full of over-the-top pricks, let me say this: I could not have been treated any better as an opposing fan during my time in Pittsburgh. Granted, perhaps a Browns fan wouldn't be afforded that same respect. But I was, and it stuck with me. I got some good-natured ribbing (e.g., a dude wearing a Jack Lambert jersey telling me I had "big balls wearing a Texans shirt in this town"), but it was all in fun. The disastrous game aside, I have nothing but good things to say about Pittsburgh and their fans. They're first class, and they should be proud.

In less than a week, the Ravens come to town for the Texans' home opener. It goes without saying that this is a gigantic game for the good guys. Baltimore features an offense, a rookie QB, and a stout defense that should provide plenty of opportunity for redemption. Time to answer the bell, boys.

The sick feeling of getting pulverized will pass.  Until then, just 3 more things to think about from the game against the Steelers.

First, a story.  When I was 13, I played in one of those great Thanksgiving pick-up tackle football games you have with your friends.  One of the guys playing was a gigantic Samoan.  He played D-line at some college.  He got the ball on a kick off and came charging down the field.  He was running straight ahead and didn't make any attempt to avoid me.  I had the brilliant idea to go head up with him and stop him with pure tenacity.  We were going full tilt at each other and I made a flying leap to tackle him.  What happened next was such a gigantic departure from my expectations that the moment has forever been burned in my memory.  As we collided, I actually bounced off of him and was flung backwards several feet.

 

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Due to a failed two-point conversion (that I'm betting even Wade Phillips would've rather seen converted if it meant getting to avoid overtime and the risk of injury to anyone on his squad), this year's Governor's Cup returns to Dallas. Make no mistake, though--if not for a couple of costly/timely turnovers by the opposition, this game would've gotten ugly. Here's the final box score.

Critiquing after preseason games is tough. As fans, we really have no idea how closely the coaches played it to the vest. If you're truly trying to win a football game, you play your best players as much as possible; you don't sit them after a half or three (3) quarters. With that in mind, I think we all need to take a deep breath and not completely lose our collective mind just yet. Three (3) preseason games is, however, enough of a sample size for us to note one fairly troubling pattern:

Your Houston Texans defense has not stopped the opposition with anything approaching regularity.

No need to panic yet, but Richard Smith & Co. are not exactly engendering confidence amongst the battle red masses. Save the hysteria until we see how the squad does at Pittsburgh and at home hosting Baltimore. A few other observations:

1. Keep those good thoughts coming for Harry Williams. Surgery was apparently successful yesterday, and all of our best should go to Williams and his family.

2. Still no pass rush. At all. And yes, I know: Super Mario was working against double and triple teams most of the evening. But you know what? That should, in theory, mean that other players were free to get to Tony Romo, who had all the time in the world to do whatever he wanted on Friday night. Dallas' OL is one of the best in the league, but to not disrupt the offense at all? Inexcusable, regardless of whether Richard Smith refused to unveil any of his plus packages or schemes.

3. If I was Rosevelt Colvin, I'd be rather worried that I was going to get Keenan McCardelled in a day or five. Colvin's done next to nothing in game action.

4. If Chris Brown makes this team, I'll be flabbergasted. The guy is a walking justification for the non-guaranteed contract system embraced by the NFL.

5. For reasons unknown to me, Kubes continues to insist that Ahman Green will be ready to play by Week One. If he in fact is deemed "healthy," he's going to start. And when Green inevitably pulls a hamstring during the national anthem, Steve Slaton will be your new No. 1 RB.

6. Good to see Andre Johnson back on the field, but it was pretty clear his timing was off. He was a complete non-factor.

7. The Schaub looked absolutely brutal for the first quarter of Friday night's game before transforming into the QB we saw dissect New Orleans a week ago. While the OL didn't surrender a sack, Schaub and Rosenfels were forced to deliver the ball earlier than they would've liked for the majority of the night.

8. Kevin Walter won't sneak up on opposing teams this year, but I think the guy's still going to improve on last year's numbers. He just has a knack for making the tough catch, and I think Schaub is very comfortable going to him in any situation.

9. Apostrophe Davis is what Jacoby Jones should be.

10. Nice to see Owen Daniels raising his game as the preseason has progressed. Honestly, can you give me another team's 3 WR/1 TE set that you'd rather have than 'Dre/Walter/Apostrophe/Daniels?

11. Aside from Super Mario's goal line strip (recovered by Frank Okam), the run defense was abysmal on Friday night. And the pass defense wasn't any better. I'm no expert, but you're going to have problems winning football games if you can't stop the other team on the ground or through the air. At this point in the analysis, I'm of the mind that we're going to see an awful lot of shootouts this season.

12. Jacques Reeves continues to implicitly encourage the NFL to replace the numbers on the back of his jersey with a bullseye.

13. DeMeco Ryans looked like DeMeco Ryans on Friday night.

14. Zac Diles is your starter at SLB. There should be no further debate, especially since that INT he snagged in the end zone almost made me spontaneously combust.

15. We're counting on Fred Bennett to be a No. 1, shutdown CB. It's only preseason, but he has not looked like one yet. Considering he's going to have The Human Torch or a rookie on the other side of the field from him, this terrifies me.

16. Kris Brown seems to get better every game. The guy is automatic.

I've rambled enough. What say you, BRB? Who's impressed you? Made you question the existence of a benevolent Creator? Share your takes in the Comments below.

Last Saturday, I was again fortunate enough to appear on another podcast to discuss your Houston Texans; this time, it was via the excellent fantasy football site Dynasty Rogues. If you're interested in hearing the latest edition of my audible idiocy (including my fantasy sleeper prediction), click here and take a gander about halfway down the page.

We're a few hours away from training camp opening, and our local fishwrap was kind enough to post a short slide show depicting some of your Houston Texans checking in. Aside from the obvious amusement that accompanies gems such as "Schaub had what David Carr lacked — namely leadership," I ask you this: When did people start naming the first son who shares his father's name with Roman numerals instead of simply "Junior?"

Congratulations, Travis Johnson. You've blown my mind again.

(images via assets.houstontexans.com & via rotoworld.com)

 

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