House money.

Remember those words. No matter what happens tomorrow in Baltimore, remember that your Houston Texans are playing with house money. They won the AFC South and a playoff game despite suffering through a spate of injuries that could have easily destroyed a lesser team. Considering all that's happened this season, the Texans have exceeded every reasonable expectation that I could have had for them. Furthermore, had you asked Houston fans prior to the season if they would have taken a division title, a playoff victory and called it a year, I'm guessing 99% would have answered in the affirmative without any hesitation.

This isn't to say that the Texans are going to get their arse handed to them tomorrow in Baltimore. I don't think they will. The Texans are too talented, too resilient, to get embarrassed. They may lose, but they're not going to roll over. In fact, I think the final score of tomorrow afternoon's game will be...wait a second. I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's knock out a few other predictions first.

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This has been a historic week for our motley fan base. It's the first time Texans fans have ever had a playoff game of our own to look forward to. Weird feeling, this. Hard to describe, really. I was trying to put it into words, and I was failing miserably. And then, for some reason, I was struck by something.

Morgan Freeman. Or, more accurately, Morgan Freeman as Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding. Specifically, I recalled Red's last few lines from "Shawshank Redemption." After a relatively painless adaptation, I think it sums up where I'm at pretty well.

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a fan of a playoff team can feel, a fan at the start of a postseason whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it until tomorrow. I hope to see the Texans play well, and to see them win. I hope Reliant is as loud as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Hit the jump for predictions about what we'll see tomorrow when your Houston Texans take on the Bengals of Cincinnati. In a playoff game. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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As we enter the final week of the 2011 regular season, and thus the final regular season edition (I like how, for the first time ever, I have to qualify "final edition" with "regular season") of "Three and Out," I figured it would be a fine time to take stock of how I the spirits did in predicting the winner of each Texans game this year. Sure, I could also examine how accurate each specific prediction for each game was, but I lack both the wherewithal and whiskey for that at the moment. Therefore, I'm going to stay on the big picture stuff for now. Away we go!

Week One: Correct. That was too easy. How could anyone pick the Colts to beat the Texans without Peyton Manning?
Week Two: Correct. This is getting eerie.
Week Three: Correct. I've got chills.
Week Four: Incorrect. Whew. I was starting to believe the hype. I needed that.

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My quick, yet alarmingly accurate, predictions for Texans-Colts this evening await you after the jump. Before you take the plunge, feel free to read MDC's post-game writeup from Week One to remember exactly what your Houston Texans did to the Colts the first time they met this season.

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I'm going to get this post up quickly before news breaks of Rick Dennison contracting Ebola, or Brian Cushing getting yellow fever, or Marc Vandermeer coming down with a case of typhus, or whatever biblical plague will next be visited upon those connected to the local football team. The predictions that appear after the jump are only good as long as those involved are actually healthy enough to play on Sunday when the Panthers visit the 2011 AFC South Champions at Reliant Stadium.

Which is to say that they are probably already worthless. Well, they were always worthless, so now they're probably worthlesser. Jump, friends!

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Did you know your Houston Texans have placed twelve (12) players on injured reserve this season? Let's take a look at who's on that dreaded list. After the jump, of course. Trust me: It's better to jump now via the link below than out a window in real life after you take a gander at the list.

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After your Houston Texans held on for their eighth win of the season in Jacksonville last week, I retreated to a dark room in my house. I drew the shades. I moved furniture (bean bag chairs and orange crates count as furniture). I laid a mat down in the center of the room. I sat, Indian-style, on said mat. I closed my eyes. I went to my happy place. I cleared my mind. After the two seconds it took to clear my mind passed, I quietly asked the spirits, "Why didn't you warn me about Matt Leinart's injury? If I had written that in 'Three and Out' two days ago, people would have finally understood that I commune with forces greater than the voices in my head."

My question was met with silence. So I asked again, a little louder this time. Still nothing. Frustrated, I yelled the question. This time, I heard a response.

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Not even Thanksgiving can keep "Three and Out" from spreading its unique brand of psychic asshattery. Without further ado, I give you three (3) things sure to happen when your Houston Texans take on the Jaguars of Jacksonville in Florida tomorrow afternoon.

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