Show and Tell at BRB

2014 NFL Draft: Mocking The Houston Texans

It's time for a full Houston Texans mock draft, BRB-style.

Sweet Houston Texans Rocks Glasses


The lady got me these as a gift, and I thought I'd share. I'm thinking there's a strong bourbon-drinker/Texans fan demographic here on Battle Red Blog.

Check them out on Amazon.

Andre Johnson's Career Yardage - A Pie Chart Perspective


This week in unnecessary pie charts, we take a look at Andre Johnson's career receiving numbers compared to those of the next nine WRs that have played for the Houston Texans.

Like a Thanksgiving plate dominated by an oversized turkey leg, the chart above is hilariously unbalanced. We're all painfully familiar with the precipitous drop in quality after Andre, but it's staggering to see him account for as many yards by himself as almost everyone else on the list.

Hopefully we'll see DeAndre Hopkins distinguish himself from the pack of near-anonymous receivers accompanying him here. Click here for the full picture.

Debate's Over, I Found Our New QB

Dustin Vaughn, West Texas A&M

D II All-American.
Invited to the combine.
Best highlight video ever!

Meet The Bobs

"We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."

Courtesy of Photoshop guru Ryan Dunsmore.

Celebrate V-Day With Pics Of Player Wives and GFs

Happy Valentine's Day! In the spirit of this most sacred holiday, known pervert David Corzo trolls the Internet looking for pictures of the Houston Texans' wives and girlfriends.

Andre Johnson: Draftnik

"I have thought about different scenarios. Me personally, if I had it, I would probably trade it, but that's just my opinion. That doesn't make it right. Doesn't mean they should listen to me, because I am not the GM. I have never had to sit in the draft room like that."

Andre Johnson on what he'd do with the first overall pick of the 2014 NFL Draft

Looking For Someone To Cheer For In The Olympics?


Found this via the Houston Texans Instagram page,

Jonathan Garcia is a speed skater representing the US of A in the Sochi Olympics. He's also a Houston product and an apparent Texans fan.

He's competing in the 1000m today. Good luck, buddy. Read more about Johnathan here.

Battle Red Onion: J.J. Watt Is Good At Everything

This week on BRO, we find J.J. on some kind of slickened surface pushing what appears to be a remote control around with a disfigured garden tool.

Sources tell BROthat this activity is known colloquially among Wisconsinites as push-puck or ice stick invader men. We'll monitor this new hobby as necessary.

Next week on BRO: We catch up with Jared Crick and his continuing quest to finish his taxes. What role will Form 990-W play?


Put Your Coaching Khakis On, BRB

You're now head coach of the Houston Texans, and one Battle Red Blogger has some questions for you. Let's all learn something together.


Cole: 2011 First Rounders In For A Rude Awakening


The National Football Post ran an interesting article from Jason Cole the other day about why J.J. Watt and the other members of such a great draft class are going to get screwed when it comes to contract extensions. It's really worth a read. A storm is brewing.

"In the case of Watt, who is due to make just over $1.9 million this season, if his fifth-year option is $6 million and the franchise tag is $12 million for him in 2016, the Texans essentially have him under contract for three more years at only $20 million. On the open market, Watt might be worth double that."

Watt Looks Mad After Pro Bowl Loss


Found this picture via Marc Vandermeer's Twitter.

With only pride at stake, Watt predictably gave his all, and you just know this loss stings as much as any other. For those keeping up at home, that's 15 losses in a row for Watt (and Duane Brown, too.)

Watt finished the game with a sack and a SWATT plus numerous QB hits and pressures.

Someone Talk Me Off The Ledge, I Miss Case Keenum Already

I wanted to believe. So badly.

I still want to believe!

Keenum 2014!


Fun With The Mock Draft Simulator

Battle Red Blog reader, and Hero of the People, Lukayyy gives us his results of a mock draft executed with the very handy "On the Clock" program from FanSpeak.

Spotrac: Watt's Next Contract Will Probably Be Huge

"Watt's production is so far ahead of any other pass rusher in the game right now, that even comparing him to the best of the best isn't enough to "de-value" him in terms of overall dollars.
He scored an average of 79% better than the top-paid defensive ends in football, a figure that when factored into our base contract numbers turn into:

Spotrac's Prediction: 6 years, $142,272,798"

[Relevant disclaimer]
"While it may seem outrageous to assume the Texans or any team might actually make an offer this high - we're simply determining the true value of Watt at this moment in time - as outrageous as it may result in."

Read the full analysis of Watt's true value on Spotrac.

McNair Talks Clowney; Compares Him To J.J. Watt, Mario Williams

"I said to J.J. [Watt], 'I don't know what'll happen, but if we get [Jadeveon] Clowney, we want you to instill in him the same kind of work habits that you have.' He said, 'Well, if he's in the same room with me, he'll have them.'"

Watch McNair's full interview on Clowney here.

Some Insight Into BOB's Final Months At PSU

Some of [O'Brien's] frustrations revolved around what he saw as the lack of leadership at Penn State and his desire simply to fulfill his job description as the football coach, not university figurehead. I wrote about this a few days ago when I thought the time was apt.

"You can print this: You can print that I don’t really give a ---- what the ‘Paterno people’ think about what I do with this program. I’ve done everything I can to show respect to Coach Paterno. Everything in my power. So I could really care less about what the Paterno faction of people, or whatever you call them, think about what I do with the program. I’m tired of it.

"For any ‘Paterno person’ to have any objection to what I’m doing, it makes me wanna put my fist through this windshield right now.

"I’m trying to field the most competitive football team I can with near-death penalty ----ing sanctions. Every time I say something like that and somebody prints it, it’s skewed as an excuse. And I’m not an excuse-maker. I’m trying to do the best I can for the kids in that program. That’s all I care about is the kids in that program. As long as I’m the head football coach here."

Read more from David Jones of

Video: Andre vs. Cortland

Never forget... NEVER.


Barry's Weekly Untitled Feature - Week 16

Check out some nice, close-up pictures from Barry's trip to the home finale at Reliant Stadium.

Quit Teasing Us, Teddy!

Bridgewater was asked whether he thinks he is ready for the NFL.
"Of course I do," he said. "I feel that I’m ready, but I also feel that I’m not. It can go either way."

In what areas does he feel he can improve?
"Just the little things. For one, I can get bigger. I’m not as heavy as I was last year, but I can attribute that to my mouth surgery. ... If I was 10 pounds heavier I could have more zip on my throws."

- Teddy Bridgewater via the MIami Herald.

Did A.J. Bouye Pick Up $11k Dinner Tab For Fellow DBs?


From A.J. Bouye's Twitter feed. This is how you celebrate the holidays! Notice the $4,600 worth of Louis XIII, which amounts to 28 one-ounce shots according to Johnathan Joseph's Instagram account. Outrageous.

I saw this originally on SoTT and thought it was worth sharing.

The "smh" caption from the link is as telling as it is brief. I'm surprised that fellow rookie D.J. Swearinger wasn't forced to split it with him.

BRB On The Radio- Corzo Converses With Canadians

Did you know that there's a bastion of Texans fans in Edmonton Canada? I didn't, but the Warren Moon connection has held strong over the years, apparently.

I got a chance to speak with Kevin Lowe of TSN in Edmonton for a few minutes. We talked Schaub, Kubiak, Andre and losing. Have a listen.

I come in around the 15th minute mark.

Oh, Snap! Patriots vs. Texans Snap Count

10 losses in a row. Your Houston Texans continue their Bataan-style Death March toward the end of the season with another close loss... this time to the New England Patriots. Here's how the team deployed its roster.

Truth Stranger Than Fiction?

One Battle Red Bloggers imagines what goes on behind owner Bob McNair's closed doors. Well worth the read.


DTango's Mea Culpa

Sorry Kubiak... (but I still want you fired.)

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