Show and Tell at BRB

OptaRealistic Take on the Texans' Regular Season

This is just a quick prediction of how the regular season goes. You are free to completely tear it apart and criticize it all you want.

The Guardians of the Gridiron


By DarthTexan via Twitter.

I like it. I like it a lot.

Anyone see the movie yet? It's been getting surprisingly good reviews despite it being based on comic book characters that only the nerdiest of nerds have heard about.


Must Watch: Brian Cushing Highlight Video

He's got quite a few impact plays despite his limited playing time these past two years. Check out the video here.

Video: Have you got Fitzmagic in you?


Hey guys, ever since you made JP Losman look like an NFL QB I have had a soft soft for y'all. Especially hope that you can one day be Texas' team vs the Cowboys.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know Fitzpatrick is a gamer and you're going to have a lot of excitement this year - for better or for worse. Here's a pump-up video that conveyed how much fun us Bills fans had with it. Here's to your Fitz-Johnson connection being as good as ours was.

[Ed. note: It's so bad that it's kinda good.]

John Harris Explains The 3-4 Defense


Yes, the Texans used the 3-4 scheme in 2011, 2012 and 2013, but with Romeo Crennel replacing Wade Phillips at defensive coodinator, it'll be executed much differently.

David Quessenberry Visits Texans Minicamp


In case you missed this in yesterday's Minicamp Live Blog, David Quessenberry paid his team a visit.

Quessenberry is currently undergoing treatment for lymphoma and will miss the 2014 season, but he'll undoubtedly have the full support of the organization and the fans the whole way.

We'll be on the lookout for DQ news all season.

Picture via Duane Brown's Twitter.

Andre Johnson Sighting!


Credit to @PatDStat for the screenshot.

Boy, this picture makes me feel some type of way... Equal parts resentment, sympathy, anger and sadness. Come home, 'Dre!

The San Antonio Spurs dominated the Miami Heat 107-86 last night, causing many fans to find the exit early. Unsure if Andre was among them.


A Matter Of Utmost Importance

One reader's desperate plea...

2014 NFL Draft: Nickname The Texans DEs


Let's have some Friday fun and give a name to the best duo since peanut butter and jelly.

Houston Sports Personified


J.J. Watt tweeted this picture out yesterday. If you were born within the last 10 years, you might not know that he's standing next to Houston Rockets legend Hakeem Olajuwon.
He's the man that helped pull the city from the black hole created by the 92-93 Oilers choking away a massive lead against the Buffalo Bills.
Such courtside greatness wasn't enough for the Rockets, though, as they lost last night against the Portland Trail Blazers in an overtime thriller.


2014 NFL Draft: Mocking The Houston Texans


It's time for a full Houston Texans mock draft, BRB-style.

Sweet Houston Texans Rocks Glasses


The lady got me these as a gift, and I thought I'd share. I'm thinking there's a strong bourbon-drinker/Texans fan demographic here on Battle Red Blog.

Check them out on Amazon.

Andre Johnson's Career Yardage - A Pie Chart Perspective


This week in unnecessary pie charts, we take a look at Andre Johnson's career receiving numbers compared to those of the next nine WRs that have played for the Houston Texans.

Like a Thanksgiving plate dominated by an oversized turkey leg, the chart above is hilariously unbalanced. We're all painfully familiar with the precipitous drop in quality after Andre, but it's staggering to see him account for as many yards by himself as almost everyone else on the list.

Hopefully we'll see DeAndre Hopkins distinguish himself from the pack of near-anonymous receivers accompanying him here. Click here for the full picture.

Debate's Over, I Found Our New QB


Dustin Vaughn, West Texas A&M

D II All-American.
Invited to the combine.
Best highlight video ever!

Meet The Bobs

"We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."

Courtesy of Photoshop guru Ryan Dunsmore.

Celebrate V-Day With Pics Of Player Wives and GFs


Happy Valentine's Day! In the spirit of this most sacred holiday, known pervert David Corzo trolls the Internet looking for pictures of the Houston Texans' wives and girlfriends.

Andre Johnson: Draftnik


"I have thought about different scenarios. Me personally, if I had it, I would probably trade it, but that's just my opinion. That doesn't make it right. Doesn't mean they should listen to me, because I am not the GM. I have never had to sit in the draft room like that."

Andre Johnson on what he'd do with the first overall pick of the 2014 NFL Draft

Looking For Someone To Cheer For In The Olympics?


Found this via the Houston Texans Instagram page,

Jonathan Garcia is a speed skater representing the US of A in the Sochi Olympics. He's also a Houston product and an apparent Texans fan.

He's competing in the 1000m today. Good luck, buddy. Read more about Johnathan here.

Battle Red Onion: J.J. Watt Is Good At Everything


This week on BRO, we find J.J. on some kind of slickened surface pushing what appears to be a remote control around with a disfigured garden tool.

Sources tell BROthat this activity is known colloquially among Wisconsinites as push-puck or ice stick invader men. We'll monitor this new hobby as necessary.

Next week on BRO: We catch up with Jared Crick and his continuing quest to finish his taxes. What role will Form 990-W play?


Put Your Coaching Khakis On, BRB

You're now head coach of the Houston Texans, and one Battle Red Blogger has some questions for you. Let's all learn something together.

Cole: 2011 First Rounders In For A Rude Awakening


The National Football Post ran an interesting article from Jason Cole the other day about why J.J. Watt and the other members of such a great draft class are going to get screwed when it comes to contract extensions. It's really worth a read. A storm is brewing.

"In the case of Watt, who is due to make just over $1.9 million this season, if his fifth-year option is $6 million and the franchise tag is $12 million for him in 2016, the Texans essentially have him under contract for three more years at only $20 million. On the open market, Watt might be worth double that."

Watt Looks Mad After Pro Bowl Loss


Found this picture via Marc Vandermeer's Twitter.

With only pride at stake, Watt predictably gave his all, and you just know this loss stings as much as any other. For those keeping up at home, that's 15 losses in a row for Watt (and Duane Brown, too.)

Watt finished the game with a sack and a SWATT plus numerous QB hits and pressures.

Someone Talk Me Off The Ledge, I Miss Case Keenum Already


I wanted to believe. So badly.

I still want to believe!

Keenum 2014!


Fun With The Mock Draft Simulator

Battle Red Blog reader, and Hero of the People, Lukayyy gives us his results of a mock draft executed with the very handy "On the Clock" program from FanSpeak.

Spotrac: Watt's Next Contract Will Probably Be Huge


"Watt's production is so far ahead of any other pass rusher in the game right now, that even comparing him to the best of the best isn't enough to "de-value" him in terms of overall dollars.
He scored an average of 79% better than the top-paid defensive ends in football, a figure that when factored into our base contract numbers turn into:

Spotrac's Prediction: 6 years, $142,272,798"

[Relevant disclaimer]
"While it may seem outrageous to assume the Texans or any team might actually make an offer this high - we're simply determining the true value of Watt at this moment in time - as outrageous as it may result in."

Read the full analysis of Watt's true value on Spotrac.

McNair Talks Clowney; Compares Him To J.J. Watt, Mario Williams


"I said to J.J. [Watt], 'I don't know what'll happen, but if we get [Jadeveon] Clowney, we want you to instill in him the same kind of work habits that you have.' He said, 'Well, if he's in the same room with me, he'll have them.'"

Watch McNair's full interview on Clowney here.
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