Three And Out--Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

by Tim on Sep 27, 2007 1:49 PM CDT in News

It's Thursday afternoon, so that means it's time for me to opine on three (3) things that will certainly (read: probably not) occur on Sunday when the hometown team tees it up against PETA's Most Beloved Franchise. And away we go!

The Schaub will leave Atlanta fans ripping out their hair and beating their collective breast. He could have (should have?) been under center for them in this, their hour of most dire need. Instead, he has been sent to destroy them. The Schaub's numbers, even with a terribly depleted WR corps and a second-string center? I'm going to say 19-26 for 229 yards with 2 TDs and 1 INT.
Ron Dayne will remind us all how much we miss Ahman Green. Don't expect a 100 yard game from him this week, though it won't be for lack of carries. If he runs for anywhere in the neighborhood of 80 yards, we should be thrilled. I'm going to guess he finishes with 71 yards on 17 carries and adds 1 rushing TD to the cause.
Dunta Robinson notches his third pick of the season on a poorly-conceived decision by Joey Harrington. Somewhere, Arthur Blank sheds a single tear. At that same moment, Michael Vick does his best impression of Towelie while watching cartoons.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I think this is going to be closer than a lot of Texans fans are thinking. The number and severity of the injuries suffered by the team is unprecedented, and Atlanta is going to come out with guns a blazin', probably aimed directly at Petey Faggins. That said, I don't think The Schaub and Amobi Okoye (who, don't forget, was shunned by his college coach just a few months ago) are going to let the Texans walk out of the Georgia Dome with anything but a victory. Houston 27, Atlanta 21.

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I'm Matt Campbell

and I approve of this message.

(Seriously, I think Amobi is going to facerape Joe H. at least twice.)

by MDC on Sep 27, 2007 1:56 PM CDT reply actions

Out on a limb

Petey gets a pick this week, though not because of his ever-complex DB skills.

Hey, you throw at the guy enough, and eventually the football will get wedged in his facemask. This would also answer the burning question of: "What else could go wrong for Joey Harrington?"

We can be critical of the draft picks, but in the end we always support the new Texan.

by Shake on Sep 27, 2007 3:38 PM CDT reply actions

crushing

Super Mario (totally dug the guys in the Super Mario gear last Sunday) and Amobi Okoye and ND Kalu and Shantee Orr each get at least one sack. And DeMeco. And Dunta. And Travis. And Maddox. And Zgonina. Why not?

by kurt sr on Sep 27, 2007 4:02 PM CDT reply actions

Why Not Indeed!

If that happens, I feel pretty good about our chances. I also feel pretty good about Joey Harrington having to drink the remainder of his meals in life through a straw.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Sep 27, 2007 4:27 PM CDT up reply actions

i hope Ronnie

finds the endzone. i'm playing him in my fantasy league this week. you may be wondering why the hell he's even on my team, but my top 3 RB's are McGahee, McAllister (oops), and DeAngelo Williams. it's a 12-team league with a WR/RB slot, so most teams have at least 4 RBs.

anyway, Atlanta's 26th in the league right now in rushing yardage allowed at 142.3 ypg (4.4 ypc), although have only allowed 1 TD. i'm hoping the Texans use a grinding ball control attack with a few big plays and are playing ahead for most of the 2nd half, letting big Ronnie rack up the carries, the yards, and hopefully at least one TD.

by littlevisigoth on Sep 27, 2007 4:46 PM CDT reply actions

Re: Dayne

I actually think he'd be a good play this week for the very reasons you enumerated. Kubes has openly said the Texans are going to recommit to the run; the Falcons' run defense isn't very good; and we've seen (in the Carolina game) how the team plays with a lead. If the team gets out to a fast start, Dayne is going to be the guy to grind the clock out, and he'll get the occasional seven yard run out of that.

In a related story, my three RBs are W. Parker (can't find the endzone), C. Benson (can't rush for more than 50 yards per game), and J. Norwood (inexplicably losing carries to Warrick Dunn) in a 14 team league. Coupled with Marc Bulger as my QB, I'm about one week away from committing hari kari.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Sep 27, 2007 4:55 PM CDT up reply actions

That's rough

I've got the old Denver RB of the week, Travis Henry (fuck you Shanahan!), LT (even on bad days he bags 15 points), and Randy Moss. Oh and the lord plays on my team... er... Jon Kitna.

WWJD? At the altar of Jacoby... I'm a believer.

by DisplacedTexan on Sep 27, 2007 5:01 PM CDT up reply actions

Same here

I've got Ahman "15 carries per game" Green and Laurence "who the hell is Sammy Morris and why is he stealing my goal-line carries?" Maroney. Oh, and Brees is my starting QB.

Vikings defense has single-handedly kept me relatively close to whoever I'm playing, but my team is far and out the worst in the league. Both of my "investments" didn't pay off: Chester Taylor and Alex Smith. I have six #3 receivers, and any given week the three that I don't start end up notching 70 yards and a TD. Woe is me. 12-person leagues are rough.

by Nashmeister on Sep 27, 2007 5:07 PM CDT reply actions

Brees

I really, really wanted him, but someone took him a couple picks before I took Bulger. While Bulger may be playing with broken ribs and an offensive line that sees a new starter lost for the season every week, I guess it could be worse. And worse's name is Drew Brees.

Brees has to pull out of it though, doesn't he? He's not this bad...though the loss of Deuce may be enough to destroy him this year.

Looking forward to a day when being a Texans fan doesn't mean that April is the highlight of my season...

by Tim on Sep 27, 2007 5:32 PM CDT up reply actions

i got doubled up

last week, going against a team with Westbrook and Ronnie Brown. Lee Evans was my 5th pick and Andre Johnson was one of my two keepers (love him, but as keepers go, he's pretty weak), so my receivers have been MIA.

i do have Manning, so every once in a while i'll be able to ride his rediculous 300+ yards and 4 TDs, but other than those weeks, i'm screwed.

by littlevisigoth on Sep 28, 2007 10:52 AM CDT up reply actions

Injury bug

I have Stephen Jackson, Jake Delhomme (Schaub is my backup), Jacoby Jones, and Ahman Green. On top of which, three players are on byes.

Luckily, my Steve Smith and Chad Johnson tandem keeps me in games.

by MDC on Sep 27, 2007 6:01 PM CDT reply actions

Which is more nerdish

Fantasy Football or playing video games? I mean, I do both, but I was just wondering if you had to tell someone you did one or the other, which would you pick?

I think people should have to earn a Superman tattoo, by getting shot in the chest first. You know, just to make sure.

by txnpwrlifter on Sep 28, 2007 8:23 AM CDT reply actions

answer

That you do neither but you do save small children from being turned into pie by Dayne.

I can think of nothing braver (or is it more brave?) than that.

And, ummmm, yeah, I also do both.

by bigfatdrunk on Sep 28, 2007 8:35 AM CDT up reply actions

I'd admit to either of those...

before I 'fessed up to being a blogger.

by MDC on Sep 28, 2007 10:23 AM CDT up reply actions

my prediction

Injuries will continue to ravage the Texans, and by the third quarter, only Flanagan, newly converted WR/HB/FB/TE Owen Daniels, and Teh Schaub will still be on the field on offense. Still, after a stupid pick in the Falcons endzone, Teh Schaub will rally the team for a 31-13 victory thanks to 3 TD passes. The D/special teams will also kick-in a TD.

Immediately after the game, DeAngelo Hall will be beaten to a pulp by his teammates, after which he'll join up with Menudo to make amends.

Finally, if there is any justice in this world, Dayne will get ahold of Vick and turn him into a pie for his dogs.

by bigfatdrunk on Sep 28, 2007 9:06 AM CDT reply actions