I’ve been about as busy lately as a one armed drummer in a heavy metal band (no, don’t give me any Def Leppard dish, they are NOT heavy metal), so when I finally got two minutes to catch my breath Sunday morning I thought to myself (I’ve found that’s the best way to think) it’s the perfect opportunity to fire off a fanpost on the BRB.   I mean, I haven’t even had time to go on BRB lately, let alone post something.

So, I organized my thoughts about the game against the Baby Horses, and came up with what I thought was a decent post.  Not on the level of a Tim, or a Solis, but adequate non-the-less.  After writing the text, I copied and saved in the post window and hit the “publish” key.  It was then that SB Nation sent to the log-in page.   I was already logged in!  After 4-5 times of attempting to post, I gave up, dropped by Tim’s open thread for game day, and vented a little.

For the record, and I’m going to be straight-up and say this like the man that I am, here’s what I would have posted:  Lone Star Denizens 24, Indianapolis Baby Horses 21.  After watching the first half and part of the second, the sour taste of SB Nation was out of my mouth for good I thought, as our Texans were pushing the Indy team around with 27 unanswered points after spotting Manning and company 10 in the first quarter.   So when I left to go my afternoon gig I felt confident.  Super Mario had sacked Archie’s #1 son twice, and we were about to beat those Mares from Indiana.  Not outscore them, but B-E-A-T them.  So when I got home Sunday night and flipped on ESPN (I can’t stand there programming, but the score ticker at the bottom of the screen catches you up quickly) I was shocked.  Dumbfounded.  Despondent.  I didn’t have a warm fuzzy anymore, but the warm taste of pseudo-puke in my throat.  Thirty-one to twenty-seven?  What the hell?

Anyway, this week we host the Poor-pusses from Little Cuba.  If we lose to this team, this week, at Reliant, we should all gather at the 50 yard line at midnight and drink antifreeze together.  This team is 2-2?  They were 1-15 last year, and damn-it, we are a better team than they are.  Oil City Texans 30, Little Cuba Poor-pusses 17.  Bank on it. 

After last night’s game I still have an optimistic outlook for our team.   The Cowgirls finished 13-3 last season and they were one botched field goal attempt away from advancing into the second round of last year’s playoffs, so the 1 point loss doesn’t really hurt that much.  But it was to Dallas, damn-it, and that makes the sting linger a bit.

My computer didn’t think I should have participated in the live game thread, so it didn’t let me, but at least I got to see the Texans on TV, albeit only because they were playing Dallas, and I’ve mentioned so many times how the wuss TV stations in this town ooze over the Cowboys like Kirsty Ally does over banana pudding that I’m sure your all sick of it so I won’t bring it up, even though I just did.  Sorry for the run-on sentence.

Schaub started out a little off, but regained his game in time to make the first half competitive, just like good quarterbacks are supposed to do.  Kevin Walter seems to be stable at the side opposite AJ.  If memory serves me correctly he had 6 catches and almost 100 yards with a score, just like good second receivers in the NFL are supposed to do.

Steve Slaton looked good running the ball and so did Chris Taylor.  As long as those two stay healthy I like our running back situation.  Looks like Taylor will not only make the roster, but could also see time at both fullback and tailback.  Slaton’s quickness makes him fun to watch, but then again, it’s what NFL running backs who had great collegiate careers are supposed to do.

I don’t know, and maybe Tim can find this out, but did Jacoby Jones know before the snap of that 2-point conversion attempt that the ball was coming to him?  He was not even contested by the Dallas defender and just failed to catch the ball.  It almost seemed like he had a case of nerves.  Good thing the game didn’t count in the win-loss record.   I hope Kubiak or the wide receivers coach pulled him aside after the game and had a little talk with him.   Other than that miss he played a decent game.  To drop a pass attempt for a game winning 2-point conversion better not happen during the regular season.  It is, after all, what an NFL receiver is supposed to do.

Here we are the first week of training camp and I'm juiced about the Texans upcoming season. Don’t misread "juiced" to mean drunk, although, after you read this you may be skeptical about my rumored sobriety.

The season holds so much hope at this time of year. Every team is on an even par as far as their future and the season is concerned. Every coach is fielding questions about this player or that player, when will this draft pick be signed, etc.

 This year, just like last, the season is full of promise and hope. Promise that Travis Johnson will produce and hope that Petey Faggins learns to cover. There are also a lot of things that I, for one, hope to see this year. Here are a few things that this year may bring us. These are not predictions, just some things that have a chance to happen.

1. Mario Williams will sack Peyton Manning 4 times this season, with at least 1 happening during the Indy road game.

2. John Facenda will do at least 100 rpm in his grave every time ESPN’s Chris Berman lowers his voice obnoxiously and utters the phrase "Frozen tundra of Lambeau Field".

3. During the Texans/Browns game on November 23rd, a Texan defender will, while attempting to make a sideline tackle on Jamal Lewis, take out Brady Quinn. This will cause Quinn to drop his million-dollar clipboard and soil his uniform, from the inside.

4. Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Demeco Ryans, Mario Williams and Duane Brown will all go to the Pro Bowl, and not as spectators.

5. A despondent John Madden mopes and complains that he doesn’t know who to man-crush since Bret Favre isn’t playing (I hope to God almighty Favre stays retired). My spell check hates Schaub, but isn’t bothered at all by Favre, WTH?

6. Peyton Manning and Eli Manning both make it to the Pro Bowl, thanks to dad Archie pulling some strings on a "sweet" last minute ticket deal.

7. Skip Bayless loses his voice for 7 months. (Dare I to dream)

8. During the Texans/Jags game at Reliant Stadium, the roof malfunctions during a downpour, and Jack Del Rio’s Brooks Brothers suit gets soiled, also from the inside.

9. At halftime during a Texans home game, an incoherent Charlie Casserly is found at midfield muttering something to himself about Tony Boselli costing him his job.

 10. At the Texans home game against Tennessee on December 14, the Texans defense sacks Vince Young for more yards than he gets passing.

11. The Texans go 10-6 and make the playoffs as a Wild Card team.

12. At least twice in the comments to this post, references will be made to rodents, peanut butter, and prison sex.

So, there you have it, some things that could happen this season. I’m by no means saying they will, but they could. Tell me how wrong I am.

SL

Continue reading this post »

So here we are, eight games into the NFL season.  Halfway through the 17 week regular slate of games, and I, as a Texans fan, am about to pull out what little is left of my mane.

The season held such promise.  A new quarterback, Matt Schaub, a backup obtained from Atlanta for two first round picks next year.  Anyone remember the last Falcon backup traded to start for another team?  Brett Favre?  That's right, the Packers all-millennia signal caller with the hair trigger rifle of an arm and winning smile.  So how has the Houston version of the former Falcon quarterback done?  Not quite as well as Favre.  (My spell check hates the names Favre and Schaub)

Week one found the Texans opening up against Kansas City.  Schaub, although not spectacular, did an admirable job and Houston won 20-3.

Week two saw the Houston team fall behind the Carolina Panthers 14-0 before the Texans mounted a comeback on the road and beat the Panthers 34-21.  Schaub was elected President of Houston, without shaking a single hand or kissing any babies.

The Indianapolis Colts came into Houston for game 3 and beat a scrappy Houston team 30-24.  Hanging with the Super Bowl champs for 3-½  quarters and only losing by 6 was seen as an improvement over the hapless Texans of last season.

Week four the Texans went into Atlanta for Schaub's return to Atlanta.  Houston was actually favored.  Good teams are favored to win on the road, not Houston.  Schaub's return to Atlanta was spoiled by too many turnovers that lead to Falcon points.  Schaub is immediately impeached as the President of Oil City.

The Texans won again, although slightly, in week 5 as kicker Kris Brown puts a last second field goal through to beat Miami 22-19.  Kris Brown is nominated for President of Houston.

Fast forward, please, through week 6 as the Texans, who by now are producing more turnovers than Pillsbury, get throttled by Jacksonville 37-17.

Week 7 saw the Titans come to Houston, and marked the annual return of Vince Young to Reliant Stadium.  Young was injured and did not play as Tennessee was quarterbacked by Vinny Testaverde's baby brother, Kerry Collins.  Collins performed masterfully from his prescription motorized scooter as he directed the Titans to a big lead over Houston.  Schaub left the game with an injury, so, in comes Texans backup Sage Rosenfels, who proves to be wiser than his namesake, and leads the Texans to a come-from-behind lead with less than a minute to play.  Collins, who had fallen asleep while watching a Matlock rerun on the sideline, comes in to engineer a last minute game winning drive punctuated by Rich Baronas' eighth field goal, an NFL all time record.  Baronas is appointed King of Tennessee.

Which brings this recap to last week's game.  Houston was on the road again, this time playing the Chargers in San Diego.  My ex-wife was a fan of the Chargers, until she found out the reason they're called the Chargers has nothing to do with a credit card.  I know, I've used that joke before, and I'll use it again too.  Deal with it.  The San Diego game was highlighted by a helmet to helmet cheap shot by the Chargers' CB Drayton Florence.  The hit put Schaub out of the game with a concussion.  It's rumored that Schaub was overheard on the sideline commenting that he didn't even know Florence Henderson still played for San Diego.  Chargers won 35-10.

So the Texans sit at the bottom of the AFC South midway through the season at 3-5.  What's a fan to do?  I'll keep watching whether they are winning or losing.  I think that's why I identify so easily with Cleveland fans.  There's always next year.

SL

I haven't been hanging around BRB much lately.  I left the open thread for last week's game somewhere around the third failed attempt to convert a Jags turnover into points.

The Texans loss to Jacksucksville really blew my mood all to hell.  I'm back now after several days in the fetal position in the basement.

Here's a post from my FoxSports.com blog.  It's a few days old.  Read it or don't, I don't give a shit.

Continue reading this post »

OK, Rod Woodson is not known for his game picking abilities, but the former Steeler and Raven picked Houston to win tomorrow.  I just saw it on NFL Total Access.  I don't have the NFL network, this was on a regionally syndicated version of the access program.  So there's at least one nationally (well NFL network) broadcast football pundit picking the Texans.

Here's a few items on my wish list for the game:

#1- Peyton Manning gets sacked by Mario Williams at least once.  Twice would be good, but I don't want to seem greedy.

#2- I want Manning to be sacked more times than Schaub is sacked.

#3- The Texans defense to force 3 turnovers

#4- The Texans offense to force 0 turnovers

#5- For the game to end with Houston outscoring the Baby Horses.

Cross your fingers.

OK, Here it is, Friday night, and I'm stoked about Sunday's game in Carolina.

The opener was huge.  Not a total pounding, but a 17 point win is still a dominating victory, right?

As far as the game against the Panthers, here are a few things I've come up with, that are just some things that have been rolling around in my head, so I thought I'd tip to one side and let a few of them fall out for BRB perusal.

#1-  I think Jake Delhomme is slightly overrated.  It won't be easy, but I think Super Mario, Demeco and company can get the job done.  We have to pressure the QB or they'll light up the secondary to Smith early and often.  Our D-Line is way better than last year.  I predict the Texans record three Jake Delhomme sacks, and, dare I to dream, maybe one on David Carr.

#2-  Mario Williams is tied with Andre Johnson for the team lead in touchdowns.  Now Johnson needs to figure out how he can get two sacks....

#3-  Speaking of Johnson, Dre should do fine against the Panthers.  I predict he gets 100 yards at least this game too and at least one TD.

#4-  Matt Turk is a great punter.  Chad Stanley did a good job holding for kicks.

#5-  I hope Peter Boulware grasps the defensive schemes quickly.  Earl and Simmons, although not Pro Bowlers, will definitely be missed until Boulware gets up to speed.

#6-  If you rearrange the letters in "Panthers" it becomes "her pants".

#7-  Why does Chris Berman's "Two Minute Drill" on Every Sports Players Nightmare last 7 agonizing minutes?  (OK, That had nothing to do with the game, but still, I'd like to know.)

#8-  Game prediction:  defensive battle, with the Texans getting at least 1 score by the defense, probably an interception returned for a TD by Demeco.  Score Houston 17  Carolina 13.

I have to go to bed before I turn into a pumpkin.

Well, I predicted it would be 20-13, so I spotted the Chiefs 10 points they couldn't find.

I must say that when I saw the shots of the Texans warming up behind the CBS pregame crew and noticed they were wearing all white unis that I got a little scared.  The last time they did?  Opening day last year, and that turned out bad.

Remember when the Oilers used to play in all white?  They almost never won in those.

Matt Schaub is 1-2 as a starter, and only needs what, 15 or 16 more wins to be the Texans all-time winning QB?

We sacked Huard twice, and got 4 takeaways!  We beat Kansas City!  We did not outscore them in a boring game!  We BEAT'em!

It would be so fitting if Carr plays next week when we get win #2!

Well, it's Sunday morning, and I had to come into work to catch up because I've been so behind, which is a good thing really, because we are so busy.

Fired up BRB looking for a little info on last night's game and have none to be found.

I could go to the official site, but I've gotten hooked on BRB, what with Tim, Scott, BFD et. al., the sarcastic comments are right up my alley, with my bent, and totally off the beam sense of humor.

I just need a few questions answered.  How did the punting look?  Was Chad "bad" as usual, or did Turk "work"?

Did Schaub look like he deserved the job?

Was Rosenfels "cold as hell"?  (an oxy-moron I know, but this is Texas)

Was Ahman Green playing to be seen?  (That rhyme is a reach I know)

I can't think of anything that rhymes with Akoye, Williams, or Ryans.  

Living in no man's land (San Antonio) the Texans rarely get TV play, especially when the games on the NFL Network, which few people have, and that sucks out loud.

I realize this was an exhibition, not a competition, but preseason Texans is better than no Texans.  Even the local sports radio station, "The Ticket" 760, which is part of the Texans network didn't carry it.  They broadcasted, get this, the San Antonio Silver Stars WNBA game.  Woe is me.

Somebody, let me know!