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The Schaub Will Not Give You Prudent Financial Advice

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I didn't think it was possible to be any more of a Schaub fan than I already am (you know, before he actually plays a regular season down and all), but I was wrong.  Horribly, horribly wrong.  Behold this account of our QB handling a heckler during the wee hours of November 4, 2004, shortly after he was drafted by Atlanta.  The Schaub was ultimately found not guilty of the charge levied against him, which gave rise to some absolutely uproarious testimony from the alleged "victim" (read:  loudmouthed drunk):

"It was stupid," Schottinger admitted. He testified that a polo-wearing friend of Schaub's stood between the two men and that Schaub reached around "Pink Polo" and slapped Schottinger in the face.

"I kept saying the Schwab financial analyst thing, and he came around his friend again and tried to put me in a headlock," said Schottinger. "We stood there in disbelief."

According to Schottinger, the group encountered Schaub and his friend in the pink polo again in front of the Buffalo Wing Factory when they went back to retrieve another pal.

There, claimed Schottinger, "Schaub walked up to me and punched me in the mouth... And Pink Polo punched me in the cheek."

You keep on regulatin', Schaub.  I'm going to go buy a pink polo shirt right now in the hopes that one day I can bump into The Schaub at a bar and recreate the scene on anyone who badmouths the big guy.  A big salute to the good folks at Texans Tailgate for digging up this gem.