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Kubes' Monday Presser

Our fearless leader held court yesterday to discuss Sunday's record-setting win.  The highlights, with the caveat that some of these may be totally fictional:

-Thought the Texans would answer the bell, and they did.

-Offensive line was effingamazing.

-The Schaub "played exceptionally well" and "did a great job with [the team], keeping them poised."

-Had he still been the Texans' QB, Zoolander would have been sobbing and furiously exfoliating instead of leading the team back to a franchise-invigorating victory.

-Joe Marciano eats broken glass and fear for breakfast every Sunday.

-Hopes 'Dre is back "sooner than later," but notes that the team is still evaluating the injury.

-You cannot replace Andre Johnson.

-You can, however, replace David Carr and Chad Stanley.  Which the Texans did.  And now they're 2-0.  Coincidence?

-If 'Dre can't go on Sunday, Apostrophe Davis will get the call.

-Kubes would like to see Petey Faggins tackle "a little better."  He'd also like to see Osama Bin Laden brought to justice "a little better."

-Amobi Okoye is getting more confident, and the league is getting more terrified.

-Doesn't think about the four-game win streak; just wants the team to "try to be as good as [they] can that week."

-There's "been something different" about this team.

My favorite quote?  The one that shows how Kubes simply won't allow himself to get rattled?  Try this one on for size:

"I learned this a long time ago...if you're down 14 or you're down 20, you can only score seven in one play, so you're not going to make them up."

Profound. It's like Buddha is the head coach of the Houston Texans.