Our fearless leader held court yesterday to discuss Sunday's record-setting win. The highlights, with the caveat that some of these may be totally fictional:
-Offensive line was effingamazing.
-The Schaub "played exceptionally well" and "did a great job with [the team], keeping them poised."
-Had he still been the Texans' QB, Zoolander would have been sobbing and furiously exfoliating instead of leading the team back to a franchise-invigorating victory.
-Joe Marciano eats broken glass and fear for breakfast every Sunday.
-Hopes 'Dre is back "sooner than later," but notes that the team is still evaluating the injury.
-You cannot replace Andre Johnson.
-You can, however, replace David Carr and Chad Stanley. Which the Texans did. And now they're 2-0. Coincidence?
-If 'Dre can't go on Sunday, Apostrophe Davis will get the call.
-Kubes would like to see Petey Faggins tackle "a little better." He'd also like to see Osama Bin Laden brought to justice "a little better."
-Amobi Okoye is getting more confident, and the league is getting more terrified.
-Doesn't think about the four-game win streak; just wants the team to "try to be as good as [they] can that week."
-There's "been something different" about this team.
My favorite quote? The one that shows how Kubes simply won't allow himself to get rattled? Try this one on for size:
Profound. It's like Buddha is the head coach of the Houston Texans.