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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

Quick recap of the Texans' 2008 season so far, in chronological order:

Week One = Asskicking.
Week Two = Hurricane.
Week Three = Embarrassment.
Week Four = Overtime Heartbreaker.
Week Five = Most Painful Loss in Franchise History.

I'll be damned if I know what Texan fans did to anger the Man Upstairs like this. Can David Carr really have that much pull? In light of how the season's played out thus far, I feel pretty good predicting that the following three (3) things shall occur on Sunday when the Fins invade Reliant:

1. The taps at Reliant Stadium will begin dispensing blood instead of beer.

2. A swarm of locusts will darken the sky over Reliant Stadium and consume the remaining roof panels.

3. In lieu of a coin flip, we'll see the death of Toro's firstborn at midfield.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: If you want to read something that'll make you believe the Texans are going to be victorious for the first time in 2008 on Sunday afternoon, check out Jerome Solomon here. Personally, I'm still skeptical. Ahhhh, screw it. Dolphins 24, Texans 31. The Schaub throws for 250 yards, with 2 TD and O INT. 'Dre finishes with 89 yards and a TD. Slaton accumulates 97 total yards and a TD. And Apostrophe Davis runs one back to the house. I'm all in! And possibly mentally incompetent!