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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

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I'd like to thank SOLIS for ably filling in for me last week when I was battling the Gulf Coast's return to medieval times. That whole no-electricity thing made me feel like a freaking serf without a lord, and I have the utmost sympathy for the approximately 19% of my neighbors who are still without power today. I'm keeping a good thought for all of you, and I hope the lights come on as quickly as possible.

Not coincidentially, that's the same wish I have for your Houston Texans. After the abominations that were visited upon us in Pittsburgh and Nashville, it's high time that Kubes & Co. give us something to believe in. Hell, I'm not even demanding a win. I just want a football team to show up on Sunday to play the Jags. That's not too much to ask, I don't think. Enough of my whining...three (3) things that will happen on Sunday afternoon:

1. Matt Schaub will look like a professional QB. I'm not saying he's going to channel his inner Tom Brady and throw for 300 yards, but I do believe that we'll all be breathing a bit easier come Sunday night. I'm calling 247 yards through the air with two (2) TDs (one of which will be caught by Andre Johnson) and one (1) INT. That's reasonable, isn't it?

2. The pass rush is still going to stink, despite the battered state of Jacksonville's offensive line. I'd love to be able to excitedly call for an Okoye sack, but he's looked more like Anthony Weaver than Super Mario. Look for David Garrard to get hassled a time or three (3) by "The Biggest Bust In the History of Mankind," yet for Garrard to have ample time throughout most of the game to pick apart a Houston secondary ripe for exploitation. I'll be bold and predict that Fred Bennett snags his first INT of the season, though I think that will be the lone bright spot defending the pass all afternoon.

3. Looking for a ray of light? Steve Slaton will be one. I don't see 100 yards on the ground in his future; instead, let's say he accounts for 100 total yards (71 on the ground and a few receptions for 29 via the air).

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Man, I'd love to predict a Houston victory. After the first two (2) games of the season, however, that would merit commitment to a mental hospital.  The Texans have looked really bad on balance thus far, and that's the state of the union until further notice. I see a friskier effort that makes us feel better; unfortunately, I also see another loss. Texans 20, Jags 27.