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Injury Report--Houston v. Jacksonville

It's the third game for your Houston Texans, so I figure the time is ripe for us to resurrect the ol' "Injury Report" schtick. You know the drill: The status and listing of each player is truthful, but I occasionally somehow misread the actual alleged injury. Yahtzee!

M. Bruener--out (hamstring)
B. Harrison--out (shoulder)
A. Green--questionable (stiff breeze)
K. Walter--probable (toe)
F. Bennett--probable (shoulder)
Z. Diles--probable (shoulder)
E. Salaam--probable (knee)
E. Winston--probable (knee)
Tr. Johnson--probable (knee)
D. Robinson--probable (knee)

R. Nelson--out (vaginal prolapse)
B. Meester--out (phagophobia)
C. Naeole--out (Cauda Equina syndrome)
J. Durant--doubtful (Triskaidekaphobia)
M. Drew--probable (primordial dwarfism)
F. Taylor--probable (spasmodic torticollis)
T. McDaniel--probable (aulophobia)
T. Williams--probable (testicle cellulitis)
T. Williamson--probable (lactation mastitis)
J. Porter--probable (catagelophobia)