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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Monday Night Football

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Only a few more hours until your Houston Texans take on Bud Adams' Army of Darkness at Reliant Stadium. And only a few more hours until the following things come to pass (Ed. note: Author does not personally guarantee the following things will actually come to pass):

1. Mario Williams continues his glorious habit of coming up biggest when the prime time lights are on. 1.5 sacks and a fumble forced for Super Mario. Additionally, he will make one simply astounding play on run defense...one of those how-did-he-get-there-from-where-he-started tackles that leaves you shaking your head and rubbing your eyes.

2. Vince Young passes for 193 yards, runs for 54 yards, and throws for a TD. He also throws an interception. Chris Johnson, meanwhile, rushes for 139 yards and two (2) TDs, one of which comes on a 30+ yard run that causes all of us to nervously glance at each other before taking a long swig of our respective beverages.

3. Monday Night Football is a special occasion, so it's fitting that this edition of "Three And Out" trot out a few special bonus predictions. Without further ado:

a. Matt Schaub finishes with 319 yards passing, 3 TDs, and an interception.
b. Steve Slaton: 13 carries for 49 yards. 3 catches for 26 yards. 1 TD. No fumbles.
c. Andre Johnson: 9 receptions for 131 yards and a TD.
d. Dunta Robinson gets his first pick of the season.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: This should be an awfully fun game to watch; I expect some severe back and forth. When the smoke clears, however, I like your Houston Texans to emerge victorious. Titans 24, Texans 31.

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