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Post-Game Breakdown: Colts 15, Texans 1

I don't have the slightest bit of positivity in this introduction to the PGB this week. How could I? Your Houston Texans were up 17-0, lost 35-27, and no Houston fan was even remotely surprised.

Think about it: Was there a single moment where you honestly thought the Texans had the game put away? Granted, some of that uneasiness is due to Peyton Manning being the guy on the other sideline, but a great deal of it is simple history. No matter what kind of lead the Texans have, it's never safe. Never. It can be 28 points; it can be 10 points; it can be a single point. No lead is too large for the Texans to blow.

If you're looking for silver linings, I suppose you can celebrate the fact that this latest affront had offenders on the offense, the defense, and the coaching staff. That's teamwork! Let's continue cutting ourselves so we can feel alive, shall we?

1. I wonder whether Rick Smith feels a perverted sense of satisfaction with every pass thrown at or tackle blown by Dunta Robinson. Dunta essentially negotiates against himself every snap. On the increasingly rare occasions Dunta does make a nice play, he still manages to hurt himself and the team. For proof of the accuracy of that last statement, scroll down to the bottom of this post by Lance Zierlein.

2. A text I never thought I'd send out during a Texans game, but one I sent out repeatedly yesterday: "Dunta Faggins."

3. Final Dunta-related blast, I promise. We've reached a point where you can basically call a completion to Dunta's man before it happens whenever a safety is not rolled over to his side. Virtually automatic.

4. I want to like John Busing. Really, I do. It's easy to root for the last guy to make the roster. It is not easy to root for players who seem to be so totally outclassed by no fault of their own. It's nauseating to think that Frank Bush and/or David Gibbs looked at their available safeties after Eugene Wilson went down and said, "Yup, Busing's the best of the lot."

5. Absurd pass interference penalty aside, Jacques Reeves played his worst game of the season yesterday. Back when Petey Faggins was turning me into a candidate for psychiatric confinement every Sunday from August to January, I used to have nightmares that the Texans featured a secondary comprised of nothing but Petey Faggins. Petey at CB, Petey at SS, Petey at FS. It was horrifying. Yesterday, it felt like that nightmare became reality. It truly was a Houston secondary full of Peteys.

6. I'll break up the depression with a positive. Kris Brown did not miss a field goal. Huzzah!

7. One more bit of happiness before I drain the fun out of the internet again. Brian Cushing continues to find new ways to make me look like an idiot. While his interception was awesome, I was even more impressed with his return after the pick.

8. Cushing's amazing return was, of course, negated by Antonio Smith's penalty for unnecessary roughness. There it is...the familiar stench of reality.

9. You knew Matt Schaub would have to atone for his turnover-less performance on Monday Night Football. And he did, in grand fashion. I'm not sure which was more horrid--the pick-six or the fumble. Oh, who can choose?

10. More words I never thought I'd be typing: Chris Brown played a really good football game. For the Texans, even.

11. Not sure if it was due more to the run-blocking or the cuts of Brown and Steve Slaton, but I think the Texans had, all things considered, their best rushing effort of the season.

12. In light of the aforementioned point, I will never understand why Kyle Shanahan called a pass on third and one from the IND 15 with slightly more than a minute to go in the first half. Why do you not run there? If the Colts stuff you, you're getting the same three points you would've had anyway, probably with the luxury of forcing the Colts to burn a timeout. If the Colts don't stuff you, you get a fresh set of downs and another couple of shots at the end zone. What's the rationale for passing there? Seems to me like a classic case of trying to outsmart the opposition when there's absolutely no need for it.

13. Despite leaving a potential four points on the board thanks to his playcalling, K. Shanahan should buy Brice McCain a bottle of Dom for bailing him out with that pick on the final Colts drive of the first half. That had potential to be a disaster. You know, like the second half.

14. Once the Colts took the lead 21-20 with more than eight minutes left, do you know how many running plays the Texans ran during the remainder of the game? ZERO. Not a one. Instead, the offense reeled off twenty-one (21!) consecutive passing plays. Balance, thy name is not Kyle Shanahan (or Gary Kubiak, because [clears throat] "it starts with [him]").

15. Seriously...21 straight passing plays, occurring as the deficit fluctuates between one point and fifteen points. If that's not calling a game with one's hands firmly around one's neck, I don't know what is.

Want to know the most disgusting part? I have every confidence that the Texans are going to do something ridiculous like reel off wins in their next four games, just to suck us all back in. Sure, we're all ready to drink antifreeze now, but it's nothing a few wins in a row can't cure. And then, after imbuing us with new hope, your Houston Texans will poke us in the eye, knee us in the groin, and leave us in a heap on the pavement. You can make book on it.

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