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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

I'm in a bit of a fantasy football fix this week. My opponent is starting the defense of your Houston Texans. Needless to say, I want the Texans defense to do well. Just not too well. Every sack or interception by Houston will result in me cheering, then realizing a split second later that the welfare of my fantasy squad was damaged by said sack or interception. Then I'll get angry over the fantasy setback, and then I'll get angry at myself for getting angry that the Texans' defense is playing well. Then I'll take a swig of beer and start the cycle over again.

And now I read that Steven Jackson sat out practice today with symptoms of Anthony Hillfluenza. I hate fantasy football.

Oh, and if Larry Fitzgerald doesn't play on Sunday? I'm bathing in gasoline and shampooing with a lighter.

On to the three (3) things that I solemnly pledge will happen on Sunday when your Houston Texans face the St. Louis Rams in Mizzourah:

1. The Rams are giving up 147.2 rushing yards per game this season. If this were 2008, I'd predict Steve Slaton was going to go absolutely bonkers. Alas, it's 2009, so I'm calling Arian Foster gets the majority of the carries and finishes with 69 yards and a TD.

2. St. Louis will be without both of their starting guards and could also be missing their aforementioned starting running back. I just don't know how they're going to move the ball, even against a defense that features Dunta Robinson. If I was Steve Spagnuolo, I'd tell my QB to throw deep at Dunta all day. You figure that's got to be good for nine or ten pass interference or holding penalties. My second prediction is that the Houston defense holds St. Louis to 250 total yards (excluding penalty yards).

3. Jacoby Jones returns a punt for a touchdown. Just feels like it's time.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I look for the Texans to get up big early via the passing game and then to take the foot off the gas for almost the entire second half. Sort of like last week against Seattle, only uglier. Texans 27, Rams 10.

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