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PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Texans Will Finish (Gulp) 10-6

Although your Houston Texans don't take the field until Sunday, the NFL regular season kicks off tomorrow night. And since I have yet to make my "official" prediction on the Texans' regular season record, I'd better get on my horse. Last year, I called 9-7. The year before that, I called 8-8. This year? Let's see...

1. Jets--WIN. Having seen our defense in the preseason, this makes me awfully nervous, but I'll give the edge to the team playing at home and not starting a rookie at QB.
2. @ Titans--LOSS. I'd love to pick the Texans to win in Nashville, but, to paraphrase Sean Connery in "The Rock," that's sheer lunacy until further notice.
3. Jaguars--WIN. I still don't buy David Garrard, and it seems like he actually has LESS options in the passing game this year.
4. Raiders--WIN. Immediately after the game, Al Davis announces that he's sent first-round draft picks in 2012 and 2013 to Houston for The Corpse Formerly Known As Anthony Weaver. Davis is not the least bit discouraged by the fact that the Texans no longer own Weaver's rights.
5. @ Cardinals--LOSS. I'd be scared of Larry Fitzgerald or Anquan Boldin. But both? Against a secondary that may have Jacques Reeves returning from a broken leg this week? No, thank you.
6. @ Bengals--WIN. But the Bengals get a far more important victory...the moral kind, courtesy of Andre Smith getting the first glimpse of his toes in four years after the game.
7. 49ers--LOSS. Trap game.
8. @ Bills--WIN. No joke here. I feel really bad for Buffalo fans.
9. @ Colts--LOSS. No Rosencopter this time. Say hello to the Grossburg! Seriously, though...may the all-knowing deity of your choice help us all if Schaub misses any appreciable amount of time this season. If Vegas set the line on the number of games Matt Schaub would finish this season at 14, logic says you'd have to take the under, wouldn't you? Thinking about this depresses me greatly. Thank goodness we've reached the bye week.
10. BYE
11. Titans--WIN. It's football, played at night, in front of a national audience, during the work week. Recent history suggests the Texans will show well here. NOTE: Preseason games don't count. Move along. Nothing to see here.
12. Colts--WIN. Because it has to happen again during my lifetime.
13. @ Jaguars--LOSS. Felt pretty good until this, didn't you? What with the seven wins and all? Reality check.
14. Seahawks--WIN. Only because it's at Reliant. Not sure why, but this game really scares me.
15. @ Rams--WIN. Be it Marc Bulger or Kyle Boller, it's gonna be a rough year in St. Louis.
16. @ Dolphins--LOSS. Like most everyone else, I think Miami's going to fall back to the pack a bit this year, but they'll still be good enough to bite the Texans here.
17. Patriots--WIN. Only because the Patriots will be resting Al Davis' future employees.

So there you have it, BRB. I'm officially calling 10-6, though I'm far less confident in this prediction than I've been in either of the prior two seasons. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the 10-6 call is due more to the apparent ease of the schedule than anything else. Unless a couple of things break really right for the Texans in the AFC, I'm still not calling a playoff appearance. What say the learned audience?