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Glossary of Battle Red Blog Terms

(Authors note: I originally created this as a fanpost right around the time when we were going through our Colts-Titans-Colts stretch in the schedule and it looked like, with a little luck, we were going to make some noise in the division (ugh).  At that time we'd been getting a lot of traffic and comments and several people (visitors or new Texans fans) were confused as to some of the references being thrown about.  What follows is the post I created to help clear up some of the confusion.  I'm reposting it here because it's been referenced a few times recently and I'm always on the lookout for new terms.  Needless to say, you guys should still nominate terms in the comments.)


Lately we've been getting a lot of people who follow other teams over here at BRB.  Some of them have expressed that they are occasionally confused at some of the terms we use here.  With that in mind, I present to you all a glossary of terms that we use here at BRB.  I should point out that some of these terms are blatantly stolen from DGDB&D.  Full credit to MDC and bfd for coming up with them.

After the jump is the glossary.  BRB regulars, if you can think of any other terms, please put them in the comments and I will update this fanpost to reflect them.

Mr. Mittens, Zoolander, Eli Manning's Fluffer - David Carr

Winstonsaurus - Eric Winston

Barbaro - Charles Spencer, former LT of the Texans who got injured in a freak accident and never could get back to health.

Zima - A demonic substance that, when ingested rapidly, turns otherwise sane bloggers into raving lunatics.

Scott - Rumored co-founder of BRB.  In actuality Tim's evil alter ego who only appears after Tim downs too much Zima.

LVJ - Kevin Bentley.  Short for Lyndon Veins Johnson.  To find out why, head over to DGDB&D (I'd link to them but I can't from here).

Smoove Will - Will Demps

Patrick Willis - Before the San Francisco game, we discovered that some of our friends at Niners Nation think a wee bit too highly of their (admittedly very excellent) linebacker.  I'll let someone else explain it from here. Take it away, TexansForever:

When the ball is snapped, WIllis bursts out of his Jersey and flies 20 feet up into the air (spinning in a 360) as he is surrounded by a Holy Light and wings sprout from his back.

He then splits into the three aspects, Coverer, Tackler and Son. Each aspect then converges on an opposing player and blankets him in a radiant light of blinding glory while the offense falls prostrate in divine worship.


Rosencopter - One of the darkest days in franchise history.  Sage Rosenfels' attempt to get one more first down against Indy that led to the Texans coughing up a 17 point lead with five minutes left to play.

DeJesus - DeMeco

The Baddest Person Who Ever Lived - Andre Johnson (I just made that up, but it is 100% accurate, I swear)

teh Schaub - Our quarterback

BESFs - The Baby Eating Sister F*ckers, also known as the Tennessee Titans.  To find out why, click here.

Satan, Beelzebub - The owner of the BESFs.

Radio - Vince Young

Vodka - Kerry Collins

Apostrophe - Andre' Davis

Durga - A Hindu goddess to whom Texans fans pray for good luck.

BANNED! – Threatening to ban somebody for no reason.

Ballhawk Gamecock – The player formerly known as Fred Bennett

Hugene – Eugene Seale

Evil Genius – Frank Okam

Bitchephant – Kama’s "wheels"

THOR – James Casey (The Hero Of Rice) and minor deity

Bone Crusher, The Season Ender -  Bernard Pollard

The Comicle - A Houston newspaper whose coverage of sports often appears to be written by bored chimpanzees.

Little Dicky Justice, Age 12 - Vince Young's soulmate.  Also, one of the chief chimpanzees at the Comicle.

Pancakes - A Texas-sized version of the Sally Struthers character from South Park.  Also writes for the Comicle. 

K-Dub - Kevin Walter

OD - Owen Daniels

Cowgirls, Cokeboys - A team that plays in Southern Oklahoma.

Jerah - Owner of the aforementioned team.

Frenchy - Jacques Reeves.

Methopotamia - Where the BESFs and Satan reside.

Coors Light - Tim’s beverage of choice. Bad mouthing it will result in being BANNED!

Horse vomit - The secret ingredient in Coors Light.

The Human Coke Machine - Vonta Leach

The Vonta Leach KTFO Award - An award formerly given by DGDB&D for people who had been knocked the f*ck out in a style the Human Coke Machine would approve of. 

Ought to be resurrected (hint, hint).

Shankapotamus: Kris Brown, our (hopefully) soon-to-be ex-kicker.