I THINK WE NEED MORE CREATIVE BLITZ PACKAGES
by: DeMeco Ryans
It's not that I don't think Coach Frank was an upgrade over Coach Smith. He definitely was, and I would not want to go back to the way things were.
That said, I think we need more creative blitz packages if we are going to take the next step and become legitimate contenders.
The problem isn't that we didn't blitz enough, mind you. We blitzed a lot, actually. Unfortunately, the most creative blitz we had involved having Brian count to three before he committed to the rush. (That blitz originally required Brian to count to five, but we had to reduce it to three when he kept getting stuck at four and pooping his pants. USC education for the win!)
So what should we do? Well, back in the day, there was a blog named after me. The dude who wrote it sounded like Mickey Mouse, but he had some interesting blitz ideas, including shifting around the front four personnel to create matchup problems and letting the linebackers exploit those gaps. Or going out of a hybrid 3-4 front every now and then, with Barwin and Sir Juice-A-Lot as the OLBs. Nothing out-of-this-world exotic on their own, but completely alien to our current system.
I like Coach Frank, and I like our improvement so far. I just think that we can build on it if we show a little creativity. We don't need A Clockwork Orange-level creativity, either ... we just have to have more than Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
I'M FRANK BUSH! I HELMED THE GREATEST DEFENSE IN TEXANS HISTORY!
"PAUL BLART: MALL COP?" I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS, BUT IF THAT'S AN INSULT, I WILL STRAIGHT BENCH YOUR ASS, DEMECO! DO YOU HEAR ME?!? I AM FRANK BUSH, BITCHES! I WAS IN CHARGE OF THE GREATEST DEFENSE THE TEXANS HAVE EVER HAD! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY METHODS??
YOU WANT CREATIVITY?? I CAN GIVE YOU CREATIVITY! HOW'S THIS FOR THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX: I'LL INSTALL THE PLAYS; YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH AND TRY TO PLAY LIKE YOU DID IN 2008 INSTEAD OF 2009. BOOM! THAT'S CREATIVE!
OR HOW ABOUT THIS: STOP TRYING TO DO MY JOB BEFORE I JUST SAY TO HELL WITH IT AND PUT ZAC DILES AT STARTING MIDDLE LINEBACKER?? DO NOT TEST ME, BOY! DON'T YOU DARE TEST ME! WE BOTH KNOW HE'S THE MOST COST-EFFECTIVE BELOW-AVERAGE SUPERSTAR IN NFL HISTORY!
YOU SOUND JUST LIKE THOSE A-HOLES WHO SAID WE SHOULD TAKE DAN WILLIAMS! I HAVE A SYSTEM, AND IT HAS SHOWN RESULTS, AND YOU WILL RESPECT IT, DAMN YOU! WE DO NOT NEED A NOSE TACKLE, AND WE CERTAINLY DON'T NEED SOME MIDDLE LINEBACKER WHO GETS PAID MORE THAN ZAC DILES TO COME IN AND START TALKING ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE THIS TEAM! I AM THE IMPROVEMENT. WITHOUT ME, Y'ALL ARE NOTHING BUT A SUPERSTAR DEFENSIVE END, A MISUSED UNDER TACKLE WHO COULD THRIVE IN THE RIGHT SCHEME, TWO VERY GOOD LINEBACKERS, A HARD HITTING STRONG SAFETY, A PROMISING DE/SLB HYBRID, AND SOME OTHER STUFF! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT KIND OF GROUP IS WITHOUT ME? NOTHING!
IN FACT, IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU AND THE REST OF THESE SCRUBS CAN'T MASTER THE BASIC BLITZING TECHNIQUE I SHOWED YOU --- CLOSING YOUR EYES AND RUNNING BLINDLY INTO A PILE OF PEOPLE --- THAT YOU THINK WE NEED SOMETHING ELSE! THAT'S RIGHT, IF YOU COULD DO THE BASICS, THERE WOULD BE NO NEED FOR CREATIVITY! CREATIVITY IS FOR NANCY GIRLY MEN! ARE YOU A GIRL?! ARE YOU?!? BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A GIRL, DEMECO! I DON'T SEE YOU WRITING FOR OTHER AFC SOUTH BLOGS AND THREATENING TO BAN PEOPLE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!
GOOD LORD, I AM SO SICK OF YOU AND THE OTHER EXPERTS TELLING ME WHAT I NEED TO DO! THE ONLY THING I NEED TO DO IS HAVE YOU BASTARDS LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS DEFENSE DID NOT GET GREAT WITHOUT ME, AND YOU ALL NEED TO RESPECT THAT BEFORE I QUIT!