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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

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Your Houston Texans are 1-0. "Three And Out" is...I don't know. I was sort of in the ballpark about a few things, and clearly off on others. With that kind of patent demonstration of clairvoyance, how can you miss this week's edition? Bet the mortgage note on these predictions, folks! And then prepare to be evicted!

1. Andre Johnson goes off. Last week's 3 catch/33 yards game was an anomaly. Put 'Dre down for 7 catches, 101 receiving yards, and a TD. Bonus Prediction: Texans fans are treated to a reunion of sorts with Phillip Buchanon--remember Oletime "Showtime"?--when he takes the field in three wide receiver sets...and proceeds to get abused by whoever the Texans move into the slot. Schedule P-Buc for at least one play that makes you simultaneously squeal with glee while cursing Charley Casserly anew for trading as second and a third-round pick for Buchanon back in '05. Personally, I'm calling a Kevin Walter TD on a short field.

2.  Matt Schaub reminds us that he's still The Schaub.  I predict 264 yards passing, resulting in 2 TDs.  Not bold enough for you?  Watch me go completely against the grain here, then:  Schaub will not throw an interception.  A quick word about Arian Foster, as I want the third official prediction to be about defense:  Foster finishes Sunday afternoon with 22 carries for 102 yards and a TD.

3. As TDC wrote earlier this week, Trent Williams has himself quite a test on Sunday. Man...I'm really having to restrain myself from making a crack about how "you know dirt burglars don't test well." Anyway, Mario Williams is going to have another big day, mostly at the expense of the youngster who shares his surname. Super Mario notches another sack, and proceeds to hassle Donovan McNabb into throwing a wounded duck that is picked off by DeMeco Ryans.  On the whole, Houston's defense forces two turnovers, in the form of the aforementioned Cap'n 'Meco pick and a fumble that's recovered by Shaun Cody.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Many Texans fans think this game will be won with relative ease. I wish. When the schedule came out, I was happy to see that the Texans were catching the Redskins early in the season, because I do think Washington will get noticeably better as the season goes on. The spirits tell me that Sunday's tilt will end with a score of Houston 24, Washington 20, followed by a week of understated commentary about the following Sunday's contest at Reliant Stadium, its lack of importance statewide, and no change in the amount of Dallas Cowboys t-shirts that prominently feature Taz and/or jorts sold.