After Rivers completed the Community Projections series, he thought it might be a good idea to have a post or two of predictions and projections solely from BRB staff. Unfortunately, he also thought it might be a good idea to let someone else handle compiling said prognostications, and I volunteered. I sent the same questions to all of the other short-bus passengers, and I'm going to split the answers into a few posts in order to milk this thing like ... um ... uh ...
(Stupid SBN rules about not posting explicit and vulgar similes.)
Anyway, after the jump, witness WHEN RIVERS AND KERNS ATTACK.
Q: Player most likely to be arrested before Thanksgiving (and for what)?
Rivers: Jacoby Jones, tweeting in such a way that people recognize him as a diva. But not a Terrell Owens level diva.
Kerns: Kris Brown (given that he makes the team). For public intoxication after missing an extra point as regulation ends that would have beaten the Colts. Instead, the Texans fall 23-20 in overtime.
Q: Assuming Mario Williams gets one sack for each unicorn eaten, the number of unicorns killed in 2010 will be?
Rivers: 14.5. Well, wait, I guess 15 since you really can't kill half a unicorn.
Kerns: 11. Would have been 12, but he wanted to keep one to race on.
Q: Rank of Texans' defense (in either yardage allowed or points allowed...your call) during the first four games?
Q: Rank of same over last 12?
Kerns: 18th (2nd best defense in TEAM HISTORY!!!!).
Q: Fanbase whose trolls are most likely to run away crying and stage a "blogcott" of BRB in 2010?
Kerns: The Titans. Because when the "Beware of VY Fan Boys" sequel comes out, things are going to get ugly.
Q: Anti-breakout player (i.e., the player who seems most like he could have a good season that will, instead, play like ass)?
Q: Total number of calories ingested by John McClain during his 32 gameday breakfasts?
Q: Number of those calories that come from grapefruit, Grapenuts, or grapes?
Rivers: 0.0005%. But like I said, he has very thorough meals.
Kerns: Do Grape Jelly Donuts count?
Q: Bigger number: Antonio Smith's sack total or Kerns' blog total?
Rivers: Kerns is at 4, right? Antonio Smith will double that.
Kerns: <Scoffs> I've got him doubled up. Easily.
Kerns: Under. Tim has built up an immunity to The Silver Bullet. And Zima is long gone...
Q: Current BRB inside joke least likely to get old before season's end?
Rivers: Theres one that isn't old?
Kerns: Anything dealing with a certain blogger located in between the great states of Ohio & Illinois.
Q: Smaller number: Glover Quin's TDs allowed or my number of substantive posts?
Rivers: Your posts. Glover should be able to beat 1 no matter how good or bad he is.
Kerns: MDC's posts. No offense, I just think Quin falls off a bit this year.