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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Sunday's Game

Will our beloved Houston Texans go 3-0 for the first time in franchise history? Or will the Vaqueros of Southern Oklahoma stave off what history tells us would likely be a disastrous 0-3 start? Most importantly of all, what does a moron's pretend crystal ball show? The answers to these questions (or at least the last question, because I actually have no ability to influence the answers to the first two questions) lie after the jump.

1. Rashad Butler does a credible job against DeMarcus Ware. I'm not saying Butler shuts Ware out; he won't, and Ware will notch a sack and at least one other QB hurry. DeMarcus Ware will not, however be playing the part of Mario Williams to Rashad Butler's Trent Williams. Butler will get help most of the afternoon in the form of Vonta Leach and/or Joel Dreessen, and that, combined with a few Arian Foster/Steve Slaton screens, will slow Ware down just enough.

Keep an eye on the Jay Ratliff/Chris Myers matchup. Myers typically has trouble with big NTs, and how he handles Ratliff could give us a window into what we should expect against the other monsters (e.g., Haloti Ngata) left on the schedule.

2. A rapid-fire, sure-to-be-inaccurate read on the final stat lines for a handful of Texans' skill position players:

a. Matt Schaub: 26-32, 287 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT.
b. Andre Johnson: 7 catches, 109 yards, 1 TD.
c. Kevin Walter: 5 catches, 53 yards.
d. Jacoby Jones: 3 catches, 49 yards, 1 TD. Plus a punt return of 25+ yards.
e. Arian Foster: 19 carries, 82 yards; 5 catches, 37 yards.

3. The good news is that Tony Romo will not be the third consecutive QB to throw for more than 400 yards against the Texans. The bad news is that I still think Romo shreds the Houston secondary to the tune of 349 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 INT. Mario Williams will come close to devouring Romo's soul, though, if that makes you feel any better; Super Mario will finish with another 1.5 sacks. Want a prediction that'll make you think I was drinking when I wrote this, thus allowing you to dismiss the entirety of these ramblings? Amobi Okoye and Antonio Smith combine for a sack as well.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I'm fully aware that this may sound stupid, so mock it as you see fit: If the Cowboys had won either of their first two games, I'd pick the Texans to win on Sunday. Instead, the Texans get a desperate Dallas team that is playing for their season (as much as any team can be playing for their entire season in Week 3). I think Dallas makes enough big plays to live to fight another week. Despite what could very well be the loudest Reliant has ever been, I begrudgingly predict Dallas 27, Houston 24. Question my faith, fandom, and/or worthiness to be a member of the human race below.

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