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This Week in the Red Zone, or The Greatest Work of Fiction Since Frank Bush's Playbook. Houston Texans v. Baltimore Ravens

When the Texans game is on, I am not exactly the most rational person in the world.  Once the game starts, this sleek, playful exterior becomes a ranting lunatic, complete with foul language (more than usual), incoherent logic (i.e., "Schaub threw a pick, our season's over...Joseph got the ball back, we're the greatest team EVAH!"), and the occasional airborne piece of potato skin (don't ask). 

This is why I never ever write these immediately after the end of the game, ESPECIALLY after losses.  Were I to do so, that post would be single-handedly responsible for making BRB the first blog in internet history to be shut down by the FCC, regardless of jurisdiction.

So now that I've had time to look back at the game without instantly conjuring up a torrent of obscenities and had a chance to remember that this was the one game in the early schedule I truly expected to lose, I will say that this is probably the screwiest red zone review I've ever had to write.  You'll see why in a minute.

Second Quarter

First Red Zone Drive

Our first foray into the red zone was entirely too brief and, in many ways, rather dumbfounding.  The Texans got to the edge of the red zone after Kevin Walter caught a six-yard pass from Schaub but coming up a yard short of the first down.  So it's fourth-and-one at the Ravens' 20-yard-line.  Instead of going for the field goal and getting the three easy points from Neil Rackers, Kubiak decides to go for it and get the first down.  He runs Arian Foster up the middle who is promptly stuffed by Jarret Johnson for no gain; thus endeth the drive.

On a personal note, at the time, all I kept thinking was "What in the name of Mother Goose are you doing, Kubes?!"  In retrospect, this really was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" moment for him.  If he does go for the first and misses, he gets hounded for making a bad call.  If he doesn't go for it and gets the field goal, he'd be derided for "same old conservative Kubiak."  Personally, I would have gone with the field goal, or at the very least had them pass the ball to Daniels or Walter, but that's just me.

Time Spent in Red Zone:  0:07
End Result:  Turnover on Downs
Score:  Houston 0 - Baltimore 7

Second Red Zone Drive

Luckily, the Texans didn't have to wait long for their next trip to the red zone.  After Tim Jamison got a strip sack on Joe Flacco, one of his two sacks on the day, the Texans started their drive at the Ravens' 17-yard line. 

At first-and-10, the Texans handed off to Foster who ran off the right guard's side for a gain of six yards.

The Texans then ran it again, this time with Ben Tate who shot through the same gap off the right guard side and got to the six-yard line, which would be good for another first down.

On first-and-goal from the Ravens' six, Tate gets the carry again and runs off the right tackle side and fumbles the ball which winds up in the end zone.  About at the point where most of us are about to swear profusely at our televisions, Wade Smith ran into the end zone and landed on top of the ball, getting his first ever touchdown; and making me take back most of the bad things I said about him last week.

Time Spent in Red Zone:  1:23
End Result:  Wade Smith Fumble Recovery for the Touchdown!
Score:  Houston 7 - Baltimore 7

Final Results

Number of Trips in Red Zone:  2
Total Amount of Time in Red Zone:  1:30
Average Amount of Time in Red Zone:  :45
Red Zone Efficiency:  1/2 (50%)
Scores in Red Zone:  1 TD (W. Smith)

Texans, I better have a lot more material for next week's red zone review against the Traitors, that's all I'm going to say.