What If The AFC South Were Beers?

I love beer. 

In fact, I think if I were to list the things I love in this world, the top three would be family, beer, and getting caught in the rain football.  We won't discuss the order, because I don't want to upset the family, beer, or football.

The combination of beer and football is obviously a beautiful thing but sometimes it could be better intertwined.  So I present you the beer equivalent of various members of the AFC South.

I apologize in advance for the lack of Shiner in here, but to be honest, it's not available much where I live, so I'm not as familiar as I would like to be.  With that in mind, I tried to keep this to brews that are available nationally -- at least I think they are. 

Andre Johnson	Guinness		Arguing its greatness is just dumb.
Matt Schaub	Red Hook ESB		Not the flashiest or "best", but good and better than most alternatives.
Chris Johnson	Heineken		Ov-Er-Ated clap clap clap-clap-clap.
Kareem Jackson	Pabst Blue Ribbon		It was good in college.
Maurice Jones-Drew	Delerium Tremens		Not a fan of the label, but secretly I kind of like it.
Johnathan Joseph	Sam Adams Boston Lager		Quality, and it's all over the place.
Peyton Manning	Billy Beer		Out of production.
Mario Williams	He'Brew Jewbilation 14		Not always available, but man, it'll mess you up.
Blaine Gabbert	Purple Haze		Funny name and kind of fruity.
Matt Hasselbeck	Budweiser		Just because you've been around a long time doesn't make you good.
Arian Foster	Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA		Always a solid and excellent performer.
Cortland Innegan	Killian's Irish Red		Sounds Irish but really isn't.  Can't stand up to Guinness.
Curtis Painter	Corona		Let's be honest, nothing that blonde can be good.
James Casey	St. Bernardus Abt 12		Awesome and should really get more recognition.
Bud Adams	Recycled Schlitz Light		Is this generous?