In preparing for this post, I decided to watch the Itty Bitty Glitter Kitty Committee play against the Ravens on Monday night. First of all, let me just say that I, along with whatever poor souls sat down expecting to watch football, expect an apology and financial restitution by ESPN for the three hours of my life that I'll never get back.
While watching the Jaguars game on Monday night and the horrible, horrible play between them and the Ravens (seriously, ESPN owes anyone who watched that game an apology and possibly punitive damages), I started thinking more and more about this movie called "Broadcast News" starring Albert Brooks. It's not because I like this movie, or that it's particularly funny, or well written, or any of those things. It's because one line from that movie seemed to sum up the entirety of Monday night's game.
"At some point, somewhere, things got so bad, they became funny."
And you know, it might have been when Guy Whimper (no, really, that's his name) slapped, or open-hand punched as Kevin Harlan called it, Brendon Ayanbadejo, prompting him to punch back and get ejected; maybe it was when the subsequent penalty and ejection landed the Jags on first and goal at the Ravens' three-yard line and they still couldn't get the ball into the end zone; or maybe it was the fact that at halftime their combined offensive efforts didn't even total 100 yards or the 739.6 fumbles (rough estimate), but I have never laughed during a single football game so much in my entire life. And I watched the Texans play defense last year.
This is the Texans' next opponent. Just take a moment to let that sink in.
Now that we've gotten some cheap laughs, let's hit the jump and look at ways the Texans can exploit the Twilight Sparkly Kittehs on both sides of the ball.
The Jaguars Offensive Line, or, How The Texans Will Commit Murder on Live Television and Get Away With It.