If you squint, you can almost convince yourself that I had some clue of what I was talking about in last week's "Three And Out."
The Arian Foster love, accurately predicting the number of receptions for Owen Daniels and only being three yards off on the total of his receiving yards, accurately predicting the number of receptions for Jacoby Jones and only being seven yards off on the total of his receiving yards, accurately predicting the number of receptions for Kevin Walter and only being four yards off on the total of his receiving yards, accurately predicting the number of receptions for Joel Dreessen and only being two yards off on the total of his receiving yards (albeit neglecting to mention the TD reception), the J.J. Watt sack, calling a defensive score (albeit by the wrong Texan)...it's downright eerie.
The more skeptical among you might say, "Sure, but you also predicted the Texans would win by four instead of thirty-four," or that "YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE CLOSE TO BEING THIS ACCURATE SINCE YOU STARTED DOING THIS STUPID COLUMN, YOU FREAKING CLOWN," or that "THE SUN SHINES ON EVERY DOG'S ARSE ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU INSUFFERABLE HACK."
There are, after all, two sides to every coin.
Me? I prefer to believe that last week is indisputable evidence that my psychic abilities are at their sharpest now, and that I am disturbingly close to harnessing their full potential. Will it happen this week? Of course not. I know nothing. Perhaps. Onward, past the jump!
1. No Andre Johnson? No problem. Matt Schaub will still throw for 233 yards and a pair of TDs (to Owen Daniels and Arian Foster).
Speaking of The Schaub, you probably knew that he hasn't thrown a pick since the loss to Oakland. But did you know that since he came to Houston, he's only had one three-game stretch where he didn't throw an interception (last year, against the Jags/Jets/Titans)? Can he complete the second three-game, no interception stretch of his Texans career on Sunday? Yes, he can. Will he? Yes, he will.
2. On Monday night, the Jaguars held Ray Rice to 13 touches and 63 total yards (28 rushing). They will not have similar success against one Arian Foster. First, because Gary Kubiak and Rick Dennison are not going to limit Arian Foster's touches to 13. Second, because Arian Foster is a dynamic force that shall not be contained on Sunday. Arian will finish with 143 total yards (89 rushing) and a TD.
3. I feel bad for Blaine Gabbert. Wade Phillips is going to unleash his hounds on the rookie QB. Maurice Jones-Drew will do what he can to take the pressure off Gabbert, but he cannot stop Wade's pack of wolves. Gabbert will throw his third pick of the season (to Jason Allen), and he will finish with under 160 passing yards on the afternoon. He'll also get sacked three times (Antonio Smith, Brian Cushing, and Connor Barwin).
PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: I was as surprised as anybody by how stout the Jacksonville defense was against the Ravens on Monday night. That was impressive, even if you want to discount the Ravens' performance. I don't think the Texans are going to roll the Jags, but I do think they will win this game without giving their fans a heart attack. Texans 21, Jaguars 10.
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