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BREAKING NEWS: Matt Schaub to IR, Texans Sign Kellen Clemens

Well, Texans fans, much like the news that the guy your girlfriend has been hanging out with all the time who she swears is "just a friend" is actually taking dirty liberties with her while you're at work, we now have confirmation that what we suspected regarding Matt Schaub all along is true.  He is banging your girlfriend.  Per your friendly four-letter network, your Houston Texans have officially put Matt Schaub on the IR.  To fill the void left by Schaub, the Texans have signed former Jet/Redskin Kellen Clemens to fill the roster spot.

Obviously, this isn't exactly a surprise.  Even if Schaub could somehow be healthy by the time the playoffs rolled around, he would be very rusty at exactly the time the team would need him to be sharp.  It sucks for Schaub, whom discerning readers might recall was a somewhat controversial pick-up when the Texans flipped first round picks and sent two second rounders to the Falcons to pick him up.  Now that he is at the helm of a team that is set to make a big run, he gets hurt.  As with the Mario Williams injury, it is a reminder of the cruelty of fate.

Spare a thought for Matt Leinart, though.  This is his chance to shine.  He showed a lot of maturity when he decided to stay with the Texans instead of chasing an offer to start with a weaker team.  And if accounts from his coaches and teammates are to be believed, his work habits are what you would expect from a guy who wants to succeed in professional sports.  If he can't be successful working in an offense that features studs at all the skill positions while being coached by the Quarterback Whisperer, he can't make it in this league.  Myself, I'm optimistic.  I think he'll do just fine, though probably not as good as Schaub would have done.  When the time comes, he'll have played well enough to catch the eye of some other team who will sign him for a good-sized contract.  Then he'll promptly return to his late-Cardinals form.

Anyway, this is what we have to deal with.  Please commiserate below.  Think this is just another example of how cruel fate has played with us yet again?  Fire away.  Think that Matty Light is going to be Steve Young to Matt Schaub's Joe Montana?  Let 'er rip.

Bonus video!

Biz Markie - 'Just A Friend' (Music Video) (via UnderGroundHoodlum)