Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Colts

My quick, yet alarmingly accurate, predictions for Texans-Colts this evening await you after the jump. Before you take the plunge, feel free to read MDC's post-game writeup from Week One to remember exactly what your Houston Texans did to the Colts the first time they met this season.

1. Houston fans will recall rather quickly why the team released Dan Orlovsky before the season started. Spoiler Alert: It's because he's not a very good NFL quarterback. Now, compared to the general public, Dan-O is an exceptional NFL QB. The top fraction of a fraction of 1%, even. But measured against other NFL QBs? Not so much.

Tonight, Orlovsky is going to be sacked three (3) times. He's going to throw two interceptions. And he's going to fumble once. All the while, Kerry Collins will have flashbacks of what Mario Williams did to him in the season opener and, even though Fate has decreed that Super Mario cannot face the Colts again this year, secretly give thanks that it's not him out there this time.

2. Arian Foster missed the season-opening win over Indianapolis. He'll make up for lost time tonight. Pencil him in for 23 carries, 114 rushing yards, 4 receptions, 52 receiving yards, a TD, and no fumbles.

3. T.J. Yates will play more like the lad we saw in the win over the Falcons than the loss to Carolina. I foresee one interception off a deflected pass, but I also see a touchdown pass to Joel Dreessen and a workmanlike 13-20, 195 yard effort.

4. That's right...a fourth prediction, and I feel really good about it: BRBAPALOOZA will be a smash hit tonight, garnering a 92% success rating amongst those who attend. The 8% who don't give a rave review will be the people who show up at 7:15 p.m. expecting somewhere to sit.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Your Houston Texans have never defeated the Colts in Indianapolis. No one will ever be able to utter the preceding statement after tonight's events unfold. Texans 20, Colts 10.