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BREAKING NEWS: Arian Foster Is Still NOT Dead

I know something's weird when I get five texts in the span of 15 minutes, but that's what happened this afternoon.  Why?  Because world renowned long distance orthopedic surgeon Dr. John Clayton of ESPN tweeted:

Arian Foster tweeted his hamstring MRI and it sure doesn't look like he's been in the lineup when the season starts. He has a tear.

Did you know Clayton is a doctor who can diagnose athletes from afar?  Neither did I.  But wait!  There's more!

ESPN's Dr. Michael Kaplin thinks Arian Foster could be out three to four weeks with his hamstring injury. He's done light jogging for 2 days

Well, that's better.  We now have a fo' realz doctor diagnosing a patient 1,725 miles away.

Needless to say, this is shoddy journamalism of Pancakian proportions.  Before anybody runs off and sets fire to their Texans gear, let's at least wait for a week and see where Foster's injury stands then.  Of course, there's a chance he won't play.  Frankly speaking, neither I nor you know if Foster will suit up against the Colts, but it looks like Clayton has already pre-chewed his decision.