Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Jaguars

I have a serious question for you. Is Blaine Gabbert a worse quarterback than David Carr? If you want to look at the data, compare Gabbert's stats through 1.5 seasons to Zoolander's numbers. No matter how you come down on the answer to that question, the fact that we're even asking it would terrify and nauseate me if I was a Jags fan. I know Jacksonville supporters have said Gabbert's noticeably improved this year. Yet is it scientifically possible for him to have taken a step back after his rookie campaign? I doubt it. Having dealt with the Carr Era, part of me pities Jacksonville fans. That part of me is quickly choked out by the much larger part of me that dealt with watching David Carr for five years and has no sympathy for divisional foes who routinely preyed upon the Texans during that time. I guess what I'm trying to say is, remember to give thanks for Matt Schaub.

Enough jibber-jabber. Prediction time.

1. The Texans will come out flat. Last week, they engaged in a physically and emotionally taxing battle in the elements against one of the NFC's best teams, on the road, in front of a national audience. This week, they'll play either the worst or second-worst team in the NFL (personally, I think Jacksonville is crappier than Kansas City) in a controlled environment at home. A slow start strikes me as inevitable. Thus, I don't expect the Texans to race out to a three touchdown lead by the end of the first quarter. No, I'd say they enter the locker room at halftime up something like 14-3.

2. Matt Schaub finishes with two touchdown passes, one of which comes in the first quarter to Andre Johnson and the other of which comes early in the third quarter to James Casey. He does not throw any interceptions, and he throws for less than 220 yards. Arian Foster finds the end zone once and finishes with 24 carries for 99 yards. Justin Forsett chips in with eight carries and 34 yards of his own.

3. Blaine Gabbert gets sacked four times--by J.J. Watt (who also bats down a pass), Whitney Mercilus, Brooks Reed, and Connor Barwin. Oddly enough, Gabbert didn't turn the ball over when the Texans and Jags met in Week Two. He's not so lucky in Week Eleven, tossing a pick to Kareem Jackson and fumbling after a hit by Antonio Smith. Sunday will be the kind of day that sees young Blaine wondering why the Jags didn't keep David Garrard around to deal with this nonsense.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: This game might remind you of the Texans' win over Buffalo. The Jags are considerably worse than Buffalo, however, so the final score will reflect that. Texans 27, Jaguars 9.

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