Guys, Michael Clarke Duncan is dead.
You know what the weird thing is? I saw him on Saturday.
Well, I didn't see him see him, but you know, I saw him on television. I was curled up with a fever, and I was spending my Saturday morning watching G4's Top 100 Video Games of All Time. There he was, in all his glory, talking about how much he enjoyed playing Halo.
Looking back, all the signs were there. I mean, if a man actually enjoys playing Halo, what more do you need to say? Think of all the first-person shooters in the world, and remember that a classy gentleman in today's society would not praise Halo -- no, no, that would be like praising today's white supermarket eggs (which is not the color that eggs are supposed to be, by the way) as superior to their predecessors -- a classy gentleman would have spent his time expounding upon the greatness of Goldeneye.
Proximity Mines, Facility, untimed. You enter through the bathroom air vent, look down to the toilet seat, and see a mine waiting there.
That's what it's like to enjoy Halo in today's world. I'm not passing judgement on Mr. Clarke Duncan ... I'm just saying that my last memory of him is as someone who enjoyed playing Halo.
And that's hard to overcome.
So, if you want to submit a question to the Battle Red Bag, here is the procedure you should follow:
1) You should shoot an email to rivers (dot) mccown (at) gmail (dot) com.
2) Said e-mail should contain a question. For instance, you could ask me what I'd name a cat. Or, if you have a little more confidence in me, you could ask me a question that has some deeper meaning in your life. Or you could do what you did last week. Not too great, not too awful either. Last week was the Casey Candaele of Battle Red Bags.
3) You should put a subject in your email that is something like "Bag Question," "Battle Red Bag," "Question for Bag," or "Hello Kitty Sale," to ensure that I read it.
4) You should wait a reasonable number of days. A week. Maybe 8 days. 9 if I really hit a wall.
5) You should read the answers to your questions next week. It will be enlightening. You can do it without pants if you want to. Nobody's judging you here.
(Please, no questions about Football Outsiders-related statistics or content. Thanks!)