Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Rams

A week ago, the dumbest man alive wrote this:

Call it a hunch. Call it irrational. Call it absurd. Those are all totally legitimate reactions to what I'm about to type. I believe tomorrow night's game against the San Francisco 49ers is going to be this team's finest hour to date. The Texans are going to respond to the adversity, to the calls for heads and jobs, to the rumblings that they're about to fall apart and that a season will be lost. They are going to beat a Super Bowl contender on the road. Texans 27, 49ers 23.

Therefore, I understand if you dismiss any predictions I make. I'm not exactly on a hot streak. If you believe horrible predictions are akin to a pick-six, you could say I'm BRB's Matt Schaub. I thought about benching myself and turning "Three and Out" over to TexansDC, but he mumbled something about getting a Colin Kaepernick tattoo and battling when I asked him about it. Like Schaub, I have no choice but to press on, knowing that another miscue will subject me to boos, catcalls, and quite possibly some of you showing up at my house to swear at me. It goes with the territory, and I know what I signed up for. On to the predictions for Texans-Rams!

1. Gary Kubiak is going to do everything in his power to protect Matt Schaub tomorrow. Throw in that St. Louis has a fearsome pass rush off the ends in Chris Long and Robert Quinn, and the Texans are going to be even more committed to not putting Schaub in a position to make a mistake. Does that mean Schaub will make it through the game interception-free? No. Schaub's final line will reflect one pick, one touchdown, and less than 225 passing yards. He will not be benched.

2. With the Texans taking the focus off their passing game, I expect Arian Foster to have his best game of the season tomorrow. He's going to get at least 25 carries, rush for more than 100 yards, and find the end zone twice.

3. After struggling to produce turnovers through five weeks, the Texans' defense will make sure Houston wins the turnover battle tomorrow. I look for one fumble recovery and two interceptions. Sam Bradford is going to have a tough day at the office.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: The Texans are on the brink of outright panic. Tomorrow will provide ammunition for those who question whether Schaub should still be the QB of this team, but the Texans will ultimately emerge with a much-needed victory. Texans 24, Rams 13.