The Captain's Log - Game 7: "The Abyss"


Captain's Log - Supplemental:

Here we sit in the Marciano Trench*. An abyss so deep that even aliens might not be able to save this season.

Well, at least the bye week is finally here. It was fun watching Case Keenum, and he did really well under the circumstances. Case threw for 271 yards, 1 TD, and ZERO interceptions, which is the first time a Texans QB has pulled that off this season. He also finished the day with a 110 QB rating.

Losing Arian Foster and Brian Cushing most likely cost us this game. Although one could argue the Hologram at right tackle and the play calling, without protection in the backfield or extra TEs that exposed a young QB to a relentless blitz, may also have been a bigger issue. Was it perhaps the inept special teams coverage that let the Chiefs enjoy mid field too often? I don't know what to think at this point. With the Texans at 2-5, and with season ending injuries to star players Brian Cushing, Owen Daniels and Danieal Manning, along with an offensive line that is clearly getting destroyed every week and I just think 2013 is a lost season.

There is still a thread of hope, but it requires the Texans beating the Colts in two weeks on the national stage of Sunday Night Football where they don't have the best record. While I appreciate Coach Kubiak trying to be a gentleman and stick up for Matt Schaub, it is beyond ludicrous that he says Schaub is the starting QB for this team given the circumstances. The body of work is out there for everyone to see, and it is clear that right now Case is playing better football at that position. The time for "coach speak" and other mind games with interviews is long gone. This isn't a popularity contest, it's a damn business. It's time to make the tough decisions and stop worrying about people's feelings. Find ways to win games, period. Sure he left the door open with his review process, but that was a dumb statement on his part unless Matt starts lighting it up in practice and shows he can get back to his top form.

There is a lot of work to be done through the bye week to fill four FIVE holes on the 53 man roster to replace Cushing, Dobbins, and three stooges, and determine who the starting QB will be so that player gets maximum preparation to take on the Colts. It may take an alien friend or two for the Texans to rise out of this abyss.

Go Texans!

*Marciano Trench reference thanks to Calvinball

Around the AFC South...

The Colts beat the Broncos and now maintain pole position to win this division. They travel to Houston after the bye week, where the Texans will have to win this game to have any shot at the post season. Never give up, never surrender!

The Titans lost to the 49ers in Nashville. After the bye week, they head on the road to play the Rams. They are 3-4 and still in 2nd place in the AFC South. That NFC West division is killing the AFC South this year.

The Jaguars lost to the Chargers, and remain without a win this season. They will next host San Francisco before they get a bye week.


First Downs 14 20
Net Rushing Yards 73 126
Net Passing Yards 221 231
Total Net Yards 294 357
Passing ATT-COMP-INT 15-25-0 23-34-1
Third Down Efficiency 4/12 (33%) 7/15 (46%)
Touchdowns 1 2
Field Goals (made/attempted) 3 / 3 1 / 1
Fumbles / Lost 2 / 1 1 / 1
Turnovers (lost) 1 2
Penalties (QTY / Yards) 4 / 40 5 / 24
Sacks (defense) 2 5
Interceptions (defense) 1 ZERO!
Fumbles Recovered (defense) 1 1
Time of Possession 27:48 32:12
Points From Turnovers 3 ZERO!
Points vs Texans Defense (excluding turnovers) 17
Points vs Texans Offense ZERO!
Points vs Texans Special Teams Coverage Unit ZERO!
Points vs Texans Special Teams Return Unit ZERO!

For the first time all season, the Texans did not lead the stats with yards, time of possession, and first downs. That's not good, but what is good is they finally cleaned up the penalties, won the turnover battle, and did not allow any points off turnovers. Unfortunately they only converted 3 points from two turnovers.

Sick Bay

"I'm a doctor, not a team hotel chaperone!"


  • RB Arian Foster - Hamstring (TBD)
  • LB Brian Cushing - Torn LCL and Broken Fibula - I/R
  • RB Ben Tate - 4 Broken Ribs (TBD)
  • OT Duane Brown - Ankle (Day to Day)

It was horrific to see Cushing get hit like that in the same knee that was destroyed last year on a cheap shot. Technically speaking, this wasn't a dirty hit, but there is no reason the angle had to be that low. The league needs to review RBs blocking like this. It's one thing for linemen to cut block when standing two feet from each other, but it's entirely different for a RB to cut a LB who is coming in at full speed from 10 yards away.

Get well Captain Cushing!

Stories From The Brig

Before we even make it below decks to the brig, there were three FOUR players who were promptly marched off the plank at sword tip. Eventually the truth may come out on why, but nonetheless, "Off with ya!"

  • DE Sam Montgomery - The third round draft pick didn't make the most of his opportunity. What a wasted pick.
  • OLB Willie Jefferson - So much potential, yet something must have gone very wrong.
  • RB Cierre Wood - This left Ben Tate and Greg Jones to pull the sled and my have cost us this game.
  • LB Tim Dobbins - Tim Allen once had a great home improvement TV show, and perhaps it's time for Tim Dobbins to do the same since he preferred home improvement over OTAs. He's no longer a Texan after 7 games for some reason.

Who should be incarcerated for contributing to this loss?

  • Special Teams Coach Joe Marciano - Enough already with coverage units who simply can't do their job EVERY game, EVERY season. At what point does "pattern recognition" not paint a complete picture?!! Free MDC from exile!!
  • OT Derek Newton - Seriously, put him and anyone who cares about the Texans out of our misery. Watching this guy flail around out there like a wounded seal splashing in a sea of foaming blood before we see the fatal strike in our backfield by circling sharks should be enough after this many games. The man simply can't pass protect in the NFL.
  • DB Brice McCain - Couldn't cover or tackle someone if they were both in a phone booth. No Mas!
  • S Ed Reed - So far, not so good on this big time free agent signing. This was a game where the veteran could have provided the so-called "mental toughness" and leadership, and yet even Ed was faked out by Alex Smith on the goal line as Alex pretended to hand off to the girlfriend of Manti Te'o before jogging through a 12 foot wide cavern for a touchdown. Ed, we need you to do more back there, especially after losing Danieal Manning for the year.

Movie Quote (name it):

"I looked at the clock... because I was saying to myself... It's five to seven, where could he be going with that sawed off shotgun?"

100px-bravo_flag 100px-zulu_flag

Bravo Zulu - QB Case Keenum

(Bravo Zulu is a naval signal, conveyed by flag hoist or vocal, meaning "Well Done")


This young QB went into one of the most hostile environments in the league for his first NFL start, and he showed no signs of panic. He threw the longest pass of any Texans QB all season to Posey and 'Dre, as well as a beautiful over the shoulder endzone TD to Hopkins. It was so refreshing to see a Houston QB use all the available weapons and not just checkdown to TEs and RBs. Case extended at least EIGHT plays with his legs where it likely would have been a sack or thrown out of bounds by someone other than Keenum. He wasn't perfect due to missing blitz pickups and failing to use a hot read receiver to avoid sacks, but he also could have used something more than a Hologram at right tackle. Overall, this was an excellent first start for Case, who had the best game statistically against the Chiefs of all the QBs they have faced so far this season! I honestly didn't know what we would see from him in that game, and I'm greatly encouraged.

Coach Kubiak; "Case went in and played extremely well"

Cool story, bro. So when you use the word "extremely", how is that not enough to solidify him as your current starter?

Ship's Galley

Two weeks with no football, and we have to eat. Let's go below decks and see what's cooking...

Kansas City BBQ Ribs

How could we leave Kansas City without ribs? Ben Tate wants to know!


Kansas City Style Rib Rub:

1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup paprika
2 tablespoons Essence, recipe follows
6 tablespoons kosher salt
2 tablespoons onion powder
1 tablespoon garlic salt
1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon mustard powder
1/2 teaspoon poultry seasoning
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
Combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl, and stir to combine. Any unused rub may be stored in an airtight container and kept in a cool, dry place for up to 6 weeks.


Season each slab of the ribs evenly on both sides with the Kansas City-style Rib Rub and refrigerate for up to 2 hours.

Remove ribs from the refrigerator. Smoke the ribs for 30 minutes, remove, set on a baking sheet with low sides and add 1 cup of water to the pan. Brush the ribs on both sides with the barbecue sauce. (If you have to smoke the second slab of ribs separately, do so now, setting the first slab aside, covered, until you can bake them both together.) Wrap the pan tightly with aluminum foil, place the sheet pan in the oven, and bake until the ribs are fork-tender, about 1 1/2 hours. Remove the ribs from the oven and set the oven setting to broil. Brush the ribs generously with more of the BBQ sauce and broil the ribs about 6 inches from the heat source until ribs are bubbly and lightly charred around the edges, 2 to 4 minutes. Note: you can use a standard grill instead of oven for the broiling process.

Fun With Numbers...


Receiving yards this season for DeAndre Hopkins, along with two touchdowns. Not bad for his first seven games!


The longest pass completion distance for the Texans so far this season, and it happened twice in this game. DeVier Posey and Andre Johnson were both on the receiving end from Case Keenum. 'Dre led the group with 89 yards on 4 receptions, Hopkins had 76 yards on 3 receptions, and Posey had just this one catch for 42. It's the little things we have to appreciate in an otherwise horrendous season for our favorite team.


Rushing yards for Ben Tate in the game against the Chiefs before he left with four broken ribs. Foster collected 11 before going out with his hamstring injury early in the game, and Keenum had 10 yards rushing. Greg Jones had 2 yards rushing.

1st Place

As amazing as it sounds, the Texans are still listed as the best defense in the NFL, overall and vs. the pass. Stats are strange.

Movie Quote II (a/k/a the hint):

"Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up."

On The Horizon...

The bye week for some much needed rest, recruiting to fill FOUR FIVE openings on the roster, and then the Colts visit Reliant in two weeks on Sunday Night Football on November 3rd at 7:30PM.

Last week's Captain's Log: Game 6 vs Rams.