The Captain's Log - Game Five: "The Saboteur"


Captain's Log - Supplemental:

"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Emergency declared!"

I'll keep this short. Let's face it, there isn't much I can say that is going to make you feel better about the Texans. There's also not much I can say to make you feel worse. What I will do is review the data for the week and attempt to bring levity to your day. We need some humor to brighten the mood.

We are back in familiar territory where this team can test the fan base with heart breaking losses. Granted, this is the first time in recent history that we have seen the QB position as the primary focal point for losing consecutive games. There is still plenty of reason to believe it isn't over yet for this season if we can just get the QB issues settled down. Statistically, only 20% of teams who start 2-3 make it to the NFL playoffs, but this team is stacked with talent. They have the means and the time to get this back on track just as quickly as they melted it down.

If anyone is considering not watching, or attending, the game this week, that is understandable given the circumstances. However, I do encourage you to keep pulling for the Texans. This is the time to be resilient and get behind your team, and encourage them to pull out of this abyss.

See you on the other side as we bounce off rock bottom. GO TEXANS!!

The Bulls on Parade are STILL ranked #1 in the NFL for total defense (YPG), #1 in passing defense (YPG), but it doesn't do them any good until QB Matt Schaub stops spotting the other team points every game.

Around the AFC South...

The Colts beat the Seahawks. They also just beat the 49ers in San Francisco two weeks ago, and now lead the AFC South with a record of 4-1. It's off to San Diego, followed by a visit from the Broncos, and then they travel to Houston.

The Titans lost to the Chiefs, who appear to be making a run for a wild card behind the unstoppable Broncos. Then the Titans go on the road to play the Seahawks, followed by a visit from the 49ers to Nashville. They are 3-2 and in 2nd place in the AFC South.

The Jaguars are on track for the first overall pick in the 2014 draft with a record of 0-5. They just lost to the Rams and now go on the road to face the Broncos, then return home to Jacksonville to host San Diego and San Francisco. The Chargers and 49ers should have filed a grievance with the NFL league office about having to travel all the way to the east coast to play against a team that should not even be in the NFL, or at least the Jags could have the common decency to make the move to Los Angeles already.


First Downs 17 17
Net Rushing Yards 131 177
Net Passing Yards 182 107
Total Net Yards 313 284
Passing ATT-COMP-INT 22-40-3 6-15-0
Third Down Efficiency 6/16 (37%) 4/11 (36%)
Touchdowns ZERO! 4
Field Goals (made/attempted) 1/2 2/2
Fumbles / Lost 2 / 1 1 / 0
Turnovers (lost) 4 0
Penalties (QTY / Yards) 7 / 52 3 / 17
Sacks (defense) 1 1
Interceptions (defense) 0 3
Time of Possession 32:52 26:08
Points From Turnovers 0 24
Points vs Texans Defense (excluding turnovers) 10
Points vs Texans Offense 7
Points vs Texans Special Teams Coverage 0

Sick Bay

"I'm a doctor dammit, not a riot control supervisor!"

OUT vs. 49ers WEEK 5

  • OG Brandon Brooks


  • TE Owen Daniels - Fractured Fibula, out 8 weeks (I/R Designated to Return)
  • WR Keyshawn Martin - Shoulder
  • RB Ben Tate - Bruised Elbow
  • QB Matt Schaub - PTSD

Stories From The Brig

These are the guys who are most accountable for the loss this week:

Coach Kubiak - Unless you are in command of an Italian luxury cruise liner, the expectation is that a captain goes down with his ship. He needs to get this turned around immediately.

QB Matt Schaub - A fourth "pick 6" in four consecutive games, which is a new NFL record. Two other interceptions on the night further contributed toward 24 points in turnovers for the 49ers, which is just beyond ridiculous.

The rest of the team pretty much imploded at some point and called it a night, and rightly so as the showers and flight home couldn't come soon enough.

Movie Quote (name it):

"I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose!"

100px-bravo_flag 100px-zulu_flag

Bravo Zulu - OG Brandon Brooks

(Bravo Zulu is a naval signal, conveyed by flag hoist or vocal, meaning "Well Done")


Brandon has been outstanding starting at Right Guard this season. He gets the BZ award this week for having the good sense to not contribute to this disastrous embarrassment on a national broadcast by being inactive while nursing an injury from last week (not related to the image above). Let's hope he's back soon!

Ship's Galley

There's STILL nothing to celebrate again obviously, but we do have to eat. Let's go below decks and see what's cooking...

Chicken Tortilla Soup



2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 small onion, diced
2 tablespoons minced garlic
2 jalapenos, finely diced
6 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1 (14.5-ounce) can fire roasted diced tomatoes
1 (14.5-ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained
3 chicken breasts, boneless and skinless
2 limes, juiced, plus wedges for garnish
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup roughly chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 (8-inch) flour tortilla, grilled, cut into thin strips
1 avocado, pitted, sliced
1 cup shredded Monterrey cheese


In a large saucepan heat the vegetable oil. Add the onions and cook for 2 minutes. Once the onions have softened add the garlic and jalapenos and cook for another minute. Pour the chicken broth, tomatoes and beans into the pot and bring to a boil. Once at a boil lower heat to simmer and add your chicken breasts. Cook the chicken for 20 to 25 minutes until reading 170 degrees internally. Once chicken is cooked remove from pot. When cool enough to handle shred it and set it aside. Add lime juice and fresh cilantro to the pot. In a serving bowl add a mound of shredded chicken. Ladle soup over chicken and top with a lime wedge, grilled tortilla strips, avocado slices and cheese.

Fun (and some not so fun) Numbers...


Consecutive games for Owen Daniels with at least one reception. That streak comes to an end now with his latest injury at the end of the game in meaningless play time where he had 6 receptions for 60 yards vs 49ers. Get well soon O.D.!!! He'll be eligible to return for the Patriots game per the NFL rules for I/R "Designated to Return".


Rushing yards needed by Arian Foster to break 5,000 for his career.


The point spread favoring the Broncos over the Jaguars next week, which is a new NFL record. The previous record was the Steelers favored by 26 over the Buccaneers in 1976. The Steelers won that game 42-0. What's the over/under for the Broncos actually breaking triple digits this week at home?


The points scored by the Broncos in their game last week against Dallas.


The total number of points the Jaguars have scored at this point in the season.


Completed passes on 15 attempts for 49ers' QB Colin Kaepernick against the Texans, gaining just 113 yards, although net yards passing totaled just 107 when factoring in the sack of -6 yards by Whitney Mercilus.


Points scored against the Texans in five games as a result of turnovers or poor special teams coverage:

Chargers: 7
Interception resulting in a TD (the very next play inside the 14 yard line) = 7

Titans: 10
Interception returned for a TD = 7
Interception resulting in a Field Goal (a few plays later) = 3

Ravens: 14
Interception returned for a TD = 7
Punt returned for a TD = 7

Seahawks: 10
Fumble resulting in Field Goal (a few plays later) = 3
Interception returned for a TD = 7

49ers: 24
Interception returned for a TD = 7
Interception resulting in TD (four plays later) = 7
Interception resulting in TD (three plays later) = 7
Fumble resulting in FG (three plays later) =3

SEASON TOTALS (Points Enabled/Allowed vs Texans):
QB Matt Schaub = 52 (10.4 per game avg)
RB Ben Tate = 6
Special Teams Coverage = 7
Texans Defense (sans turnover scores) = 74 (14.8 per game avg)

There are no words I can find in the dictionary to effectively define this horrible trend.

Movie Quote II (a/k/a the hint):

"You don't know when to quit, do ya Griswold?... Here's an idea: Why don't you give me half the money you were gonna bet, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day! "

This could easily be modified as...

"You don't know when to quit, do ya Kubiak?... Here's an idea: Why don't you call half the plays you were gonna call, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day! "


"You don't know when to quit, do ya Schaub?... Here's an idea: Why don't you throw half the passes you were gonna throw, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day! "

On The Horizon...

The Texans host the St. Louis Rams on Sunday. The game starts at 12PM (CDT) Sunday, October 13th at Reliant Stadium.

Last week's Captain's Log: Game 4 vs Seahawks -- "Ocho Fuego"