The worst part about this Texans team is that they never get blown out. What is our record now in one-possession games? I don't even care. Weston said we're 2-7. I could look it up. But I don't even care.
You just know how it's going to end, every game. You wonder how it could be in an alternate universe in which Matt Schaub's parents had never met. You wonder what it would be like if we hadn't drafted the fat kicker. You daydream about all sorts of things: Glover Quin instead of Ed Reed, Russell Wilson instead of not. You just wonder. Maybe with a tad more luck this season, we're 7-2 in those games, warming up for a playoff run that would end with a win over the Bengals and a loss to New England or something. Standard Texans stuff, basically. It's irritating.
It's especially irritating when you're the one that's writing the post game recap, and all you want to do is mail it in at around the 10:00 mark in the third quarter. Just lose already. I don't want to have to keep erasing stuff.
1) Matt Schaub looked fantastic in his beard tonight.
2) Matt Schaub will start next game. Gary Kubiak is getting fired, he knows it, and he knows Schaub seems to have remembered how to play quarterback. Kubiak is all like, "If I'm getting fired, God damnit, I'm taking Teddy Bridgewater with me."
2) I had written the above point with 3:00 left in the game. Case Keenum will start next game. Teddy Bridgewater will be a Texan next season.
3) With bigfatdrunk and Weston watching alongside me at a drafty Austin bar, we had the Louisville-Cincinnati game on the TV next to the AFC Suck Bowl. Did anyone else see Teddy's sidearm touchdown heave? Good God.
4) Case Keenum's sideline face is even sadder to behold than Matt Schaub's.
5) D.J. Swearinger is still my favorite player for his Instagram presence alone, but he is an idiot sometimes.
6) 100 percent of the Jaguars fans they showed on TV tonight simply reinforce what I have always said about northern Florida: It is a terrible, terrible place, full of terrible people who are unlikely to be good spellers. #LondonJags