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Battle Red Newswire: Clutch City Resurrection?

The Texans' offensive line is doing it big this weekend. Here's to hoping they all come back solvent. We know that Deion Sanders is still solvent, judging by the thread count on his son's gold Versace sheets. And of course, Americans are not moved by the R-word issue. Also, how hard is it to focus when we're on the verge of witnessing a full blown #ClutchCityResurrection?

His J's are luckily much prettier than his teeth
His J's are luckily much prettier than his teeth

Houston Texans News


The New York Knicks, holding a 3-1 lead over the Boston Celtics heading into Wednesday night's game, decided it would be a good idea to listen to Kenyon Martin and wear "funeral black" to the arena that night.

They then lost, 92-86.

Touché, Trey Wingo.


What Happens in Vegas, Stays at Reliant

If you happen to run into a group of very large men wearing Houston Texans letter jackets in Las Vegas this weekend, make sure to get a group picture and email it to me so I can post it in the next Battle Red Newswire. Our offensive line is getting ready to do it big.

It doesn't appear that Chris Myers is allowed to go. #newbornbaby #thatswhathappens


Around the NFL

Lot of Support for the Washington R-words

Only 11 percent of respondents to a recently conducted Associated Press-GfK poll felt the Washington Redskins should change their name, while 79 percent saw no problem with it. This is good news, as it shows that the American people are roughly ten percent less racist against Native Americans than we were in 1992, which was somehow the last time a poll was conducted on this issue. That's some pretty good progress for a 21-year period, and shows how far we've come as a society since the days in which I could roam the streets of Houston trick-or-treating in my full-on Charles Barkley Dream Team costume.


Just as there is no way that would fly today, I envision a future in which dressing up like an Indian chief at college basketball games is also frowned upon.

Chief Wahoo's Winning Move Against Hot Dog Man (via billyparsley)

Predicted reaction from my future children after this peek into their father's behavior as a 22-year-old: "smh."

Predicted reaction from my future grandchildren after this peek into their father's behavior as a 22-year-old: "Please do not contact me again."


NFL Fans, Get Ready for Some More Prime

This is Deion Sanders, Jr., all set up in his freshman college dorm at SMU.

Deion obviously grew up with money, as his father was not one of your cautionary NFL tales of sudden wealth and inevitable bankruptcy. Obviously, as evidenced by the fact that Junior Prime's father named two of his children Deion and Deiondra, the SMU freshman grew up raised by a father who emphasized the importance of self-esteem. You can hardly blame him, then, for thinking it's totally standard to have gold Versace sheets in his freshman dorm, something that seems a bit much even for SMU standards. The kid, after all, has a hierarchy of needs on another level from others' hierarchies of needs.

SMU really seems like the perfect school for him, then.

It's one of the few schools in America where you could have gold Versace sheets on a queen size bed in your dorm room, and still be able to feel like you're just another face in the crowd.

Deion, Jr. still seems to have a pretty good head set on his shoulders, though.

It's just that he was raised to be an elite athlete. That means indoctrination in not caring what other people think about you.

Whether those other people be sheep, or some other poor creatures waiting to be eaten by the lions of this world.

After all, a lion is the king of the jungle.

Stay hungry, Junior Prime. The NFL is always a more exciting league when it has someone named Deion Sanders playing in it.


Mike Vick, Still Fast

The Philadelphia Eagles have taken the mantle from the Seattle Seahawks as the coolest team in the league. Could it be any other way with a Chip Kelly-led squad? I cannot wait to see the Oregon-style placards Nick Foles and/or Matt Barkley and/or Dennis Dixon will be holding up on the sideline to transmit plays to Michael Vick this season. I'm also waiting for the news that Nike is going to do an Oregon-style redesign on the Eagles' jerseys. This will happen if the Eagles win this year.

Kelly is quickly establishing his credentials as the ultimate player's coach on the NFL level, just as he was in college. The latest example was the impromptu footrace he permitted during an Eagles practice on Thursday, after Vick decided that he was tired of hearing "old man" taunts from a certain player in the Eagles backfield. For those that don't already know, I won't ruin the surprise. He wants you to guess.

Pretty sure Vick meant to write "begged" instead of "bagged," but he was probably typing on his phone. The guy is an NFL quarterback; I'm sure he has huge thumbs.

Or it could be that he went to Virginia Tech, and isn't smart.



Fat Albert Not Moving Aside for Fisher

Although the Kansas City Chiefs selected Eric Fisher with the first overall pick of the draft, head coach Andy Reid still sees Branden Albert as his starting left tackle in Week 1. Fisher will move to the right side to accommodate the six-year veteran, who is still holding out from the team's offseason workouts in the hopes of either forcing a trade or getting a contract extension beyond this season. Trade talks with Miami have sputtered, though, and Albert doesn't have much leverage after getting franchised for 2013.

Maybe Albert, who played college ball at Virginia, should try bagging Andy Reid for a new deal.



Poor Vince Young

Matt Flynn has a slight edge on Terrelle Pryor and the recently drafted Tyler Wilson for the starting quarterback spot in Oakland, according to general manager Reggie McKenzie.

Last season, Flynn had an edge on Russell Wilson for the starting job in Seattle, too.

Poor Vince Young.


We May Not Have Seen the Last of Dwight Freeney

Dwight Freeney to the Titans? The rumor mill is just beginning to churn on this.


While We're All Still Here


Four Game 6s in the NBA playoffs tonight. FOUR. None of which are bigger for Houston fans than what's going down at Toyota Center starting at 8:30 p.m. CDT. These Rockets could easily have already won this series by now, and are looking like the kinds of teams that had that magic back in the day of Mario Elie and Vernon Maxwell.

My sister lives in Oklahoma City, and I may have to do the impulse Bucket List move of driving up there for Game 7 if we win tonight. Tickets are hard to come by, but only if you have face tats are they simply unavailable. The only hindrance is money. I could do what it took to find a ticket.

Maybe I'll dress as Chief Wahoo if this actually goes down. We will be in Indian Country, after all.

No matter what happens tonight, though, I'm happy.

It wasn't true when he posted it on Thursday, but it's true now. And it's good to know that Derek Newton is working really hard to get back from offseason surgery.