The MDC Memorial Blacklist: Week Two (Traitors v. Texans)

Let's start this week's blacklist off with a request from little old me to the Houston Texans.

Dear Texans,

If you are going to insist on winning games in the final two minutes, please at least do me the courtesy of a little bit of warning next time. Otherwise I'll be dead within the month.

Yours,

UT

Anyway, back to the important business at hand, such as it is, checking out our beloved special teams performance against the Tennessee Traitors.

Needless to say, I have some choice words about how they performed in certain aspects on Sunday, and I'd say them here but...spoilers.

So let's get underway while I'm still sober and still have something of a head of steam here, and the end of the week.

Last week we didn't have much to complain about in the special teams department. Not that it stopped me from finding something to whine about, but this week...oh, this week was just special.

HOU Kickoff Return 1 (15:00 mark - 1st Quarter)

Rob Bironas kicks the ball 65 yards out of the end zone for a touchback.
(Yards gained: 20 - Touchback. Penalty: None)

Side Note: Not much to report here.

HOU Extra Point Attempt 1 (12:36 mark - 1st Quarter)

Randy Bullock successfully nails the extra point to put the Texans up 7-0.
(Penalties: None)

Side Note: This may be the only point this week where "Randy Bullock" and "success" are found in the same sentence.

HOU Kickoff 1 (12:36 mark - 1st Quarter)

Randy Bullock kicks the ball nine yards deep into the Traitors' end zone. Darius Reynoud takes a knee for the touchback.
(Yards gained: 45 - Touchback. Penalty: None)

Side Note: I wouldn't be upset at all if Bullock just kicked touchbacks every time.

TEN Extra Point Attempt 1 (5:19 mark - 1st Quarter)

Rob Bironas successfully kicks an extra point to tie the game at 7.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: Well...that sucked.

HOU Kickoff Return 2 (5:19 mark - 1st Quarter)

After a 15 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct against Kendall Wright (insert Nelson "Ha-Ha" here), Rob Bironas kicks the ball 73 yards to the Texans' 7 yard line. Keshawn Martin takes said ball to the Texans 41 yard line.
(Yards gained: 34. Penalty: None)

Side Note: Now that's what I like to see! What I like seeing more, no penalties on long returns.

HOU Field Goal Attempt 1 (2:00 mark - 1st Quarter)

Randy Bullock attempts and misses a 50 yard field goal.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: I'm not happy that he missed a 50 yard field goal, but not terribly surprised either. I suppose a low percentage field goal try is better than a higher percentage chance of getting a first down on 4th and 2 at the Traitors' 32.

HOU Punt Attempt 1 (13:40 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Shane Lechler boots the ball to the Traitors' 7 yard line. Darius Reynaud returns it for zero yards.
(Yards gained: 46. Penalty: None)

Side Note: I love you, Shane Lechler.

HOU Punt Return 1 (12:07 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Brett Kern punts the ball to the Texans' 44 yard line. Keshawn Martin advances the ball to the 48, where he is pushed out of bounds.
(Yards gained: 4. Penalty: None)

HOU Field Goal Attempt 2 (9:27 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Randy Bullock attempts a 50 yard field goal and the ball goes wide right.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: In the last two weeks, Bullock has attempted three (3!) field goals from 50 yards and has missed on every single one of them. In fact, in the last two weeks, he has attempted five field goals and made exactly one of them--the 41 yard game winner against the Chargers. I'm not panicking yet, because it's only two weeks, but...we could have had Blair Walsh. I'm just putting that out there.

TEN Field Goal Attempt 1 (4:47 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Rob Bironas attempts a 48 yard field goal and is unsuccessful.

Side Note: Well, I feel better now.

HOU Punt Attempt 2 (2:25 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts 42 yards into the end zone, forcing the Traitors to take a touchback.
(Yards gained: 22 - Touchback. Penalty: None)

Side Note: I'll take it.

HOU Punt Return 2 (1:43 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Brett Kern punts the ball out of bounds at the 50 yard line.
(Yards gained: 0. Penalty: None)

TEN Field Goal Attempt 2 (0:04 mark - 2nd Quarter)

Rob Bironas attempts a 47 yard field goal and is successful.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: I don't know about you, but I found it incredibly amusing that Mike Munchak iced his OWN kicker before he attempted the half-ending field goal.

HOU Kickoff 2 (15:00 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Randy Bullock kicked the ball 73 yards into the Traitors' end zone for a touchback.
(Yards gained: 53. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Return 3 (13:04 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Brett Kern punts to the Texans' 33 yards line. Keshawn Martin calls for the fair catch.
(Yards gained: 0. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Attempt 3 (11:29 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts the ball 61 yards to the Traitors' 3 yard line. Darius Reynaud returns the ball four yards to the 7 yard line.
(Yards gained: 57. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Return 4 (9:54 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Brett Kern punts to the Texans' 45 yard line where the ball goes out of bounds.
(Yards gained: 0. Penalty: None)

HOU Extra Point Attempt 2 (7:53 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Randy Bullock successfully kicks the extra point.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: Okay, I was wrong. There is one other time where "Bullock" and "success" occur in the same sentence.

HOU Kickoff 3 (7:53 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Randy Bullock kicks the ball 65 yards into the Traitors' end zone; they're forced to take a touchback.
(Yards gained: 45. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Return 5 (6:25 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Brett Kern punts to the Texans' 35 yard line. Keshawn Martin is pushed out of bounds at the 39.
(Yards gained: 4. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Attempt 4 (4:41 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts the ball to the Traitors' 11 yard line. Darius Reynaud returns the ball to the 19 yard line.
(Yards gained: 39. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Return 6 (3:38 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Brett Kern kicks the ball 54 yards to the Texans' 20 yard line. Keshawn Martin is pushed out of bounds at the 25 yard line.
(Yards gained: -15. Penalty: Offensive Holding - Eddie Pleasant. 10 yard penalty enforced at the Texans' 20)

Side Note: And there it is, the first special teams penalty of the year. Hopefully this year they'll be a lot more sparse than in previous years. Isn't that right, Marciano?

HOU Punt Attempt 5 (0:21 mark - 3rd Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts the ball 53 yards to the Traitors' 6 yard line. Darius Reynaud returned the ball to the 12.
(Yards gained: 47 yards. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Return 7 (13:29 mark - 4th Quarter)

Brett Kern punts after the Texans get a safety on Chris Johnson, kicking the ball to the Texans' 25 yard line. Keshawn Martin returns the ball to the 44 yard line.
(Yards gained: 19. Penalty: None)

HOU Punt Attempt 6 (11:03 mark - 4th Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts the ball 39 yards to the Traitors' 1 yard line. Jon Weeks downs the ball at the 1.
(Yards gained: 39. Penalty: None)

Side Note: Again, I love you, Shane Lechler.

TEN Extra Point Attempt 2 (6:45 mark - 4th Quarter)

Rob Bironas successfully kicks an extra point.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: They were at the one. We had them at the one (expletive) yard line and they go 99 yards on us?! ::Kicks a puppy::

HOU Kickoff Return 3 (6:45 mark - 4th Quarter)

Rob Bironas kicks the ball 69 yards down the field to four yards into the Texans' end zone. Keshawn Martin returns the ball to the Texans' 21.
(Yards gained: 25. Penalty: None)

TEN Extra Point Attempt 3 (4:59 mark - 4th Quarter)

Rob Bironas successfully kicks the extra point.
(Penalty: None)

Side Note: Nothing to do with special teams, but Matt Schaub had no business throwing that ball.

HOU Kickoff Return 4 (4:59 mark - 4th Quarter

Rob Bironas kicks the ball 73 yards to the Texans end zone. Keshawn Martin takes a knee for the touchback.
(Yards gained: 20. Penalty: None)

Side Note: Martin was eight yards back in the end zone. If he returned it, I'm pretty sure I'd have had a seizure.

HOU Punt Attempt 7 (4:20 mark - 4th Quarter)

Shane Lechler punts to the Traitors 39 yard line. The ball is downed by A.J. Bouye.
(Yards gained: 52. Penalty: None)

Side Note: This was where it felt for me the game was beginning to circle the drain. We needed to make something of this drive and it was a three and out.

HOU Punt Return 8 (3:18 mark - 4th Quarter)

Brett Kern punts to the Texans' 12 yard line. Keshawn Martin advances the ball to the 13.
(Yards gained: 1. Penalty: None)

HOU Kickoff 4 (1:56 mark - 4th Quarter)

Randy Bullock kicks the ball out of the end zone for a touchback.
(Yards gained: 45. Penalty: None)

Side Note: The game is now tied, and my heart's about to pound out of my chest. They're going to do this to me again, aren't they?

HOU Punt Return 9 (1:08 mark - 4th Quarter)

Brett Kern punts to the Texans' 22 yard line. Keshawn Martin is brought down immediately after catching it.
(Yards gained: 0. Penalty: None)

Side Note: Yep, they're doing it to me again. Time is against them, but if just enough works out for the Texans...

HOU Field Goal Attempt 3 (0:05 mark - 4th Quarter)

Randy Bullock attempts a 51 yard field goal and the kick is blocked.
(Penalty: Offsides - Defense. 5 yard penalty.)

Side Note: What I didn't mention here is that Mike Munchak iced Bullock before this field goal attempt and was successful too. Leaving aside the hate for Tennessee, I think Munchak is quickly rising to be one of those coaches I especially hate. He reminds me of a kid who's just learned a new trick and does it CONSTANTLY. "Watch this, mom! ::ices kicker:: Pretty cool, huh?" And the mom, probably on her third kahlua by now, nods at him patronizingly so he'll go away.

HOU Field Goal Attempt 4 (0:05 - 4th Quarter)

Randy Bullock attempts a 46 yard field goal and hits the left upright.
(Penalty: None.)

Side Note: Words fail me so here's all I can say:

And that's the last special teams play of the game. After that, it goes into overtime and the Texans, being superior to the Traitors (as Nature intended), drive down the field and win on a touchdown to DeAndre Hopkins.

Final Stats for Week 2:

Returns

Kickoff Return Yards: 104
Kickoff Returns: 4
Touchbacks: 2
KR Yardage Avg.: 26.0

Punt Return Yards: 9
Punt Returns: 5
Out Of Bounds: 2
PR Yardage Avg.: 1.8

Penalties: 1 (10 yards)

Pretty pedestrian return yardage on kickoffs. I'm really disappointed in Martin's punt returns. Only 1.8 yards per try? I could probably do that (okay, not really, but you get the point).

Kicking

Punt Yards: 338
Punts: 7
Touchback: 1
Punt Yardage Net Avg.: 42.9

Field Goals: 0/3 (50, 50, 46)

This season:

Punting:

Number of Attempts: 10
Punting Yards: 473
Average Punt: 47.3
Net Average: 43.0

Kicking:

Field Goals:

0-19: 0/0
20-29: 0/0
30-39: 0/0
40-49: 1/2
50+: 0/3

Returns:

Kick Returns:

Number of Attempts: 8
Yards Gained: 220
Average: 27.5 yards
Longest: 46 yards

Punt Returns:

Number of Attempts: 8
Yards Gained: 30
Average: 3.8 yards
Longest: 9 yards
Fair Catches: 2

Penalties:

Offensive Holding: 1 (10 yards lost)

Five of Lechler's seven punts this week landed the ball behind the 20 and three of those landed behind the 10 yard line. I don't think I've ever been in awe of any punter before, but I have seen the light.

Randy Bullock...I want to be angrier at him because he beefed on every single field goal attempt (that counted), but when each attempt is a low percentage attempt ranging more than 45 yards, I try to cut a little bit of slack. Not a lot because THIS IS HIS DAMN JOB. His misses cost us nine points which could have made this game less of a nail-biter than it was. Randy Bullock, you are this week's ENTIRE blacklist.

Marcy Grade (Week 2): C+

While the penalties were minimal this week and the punting spectacular, this week Marciano gets a lower grade because Eddie Pleasant DID get a penalty against him and Randy Bullock's three...

...three missed field goals were enough to make me remember we could have drafted Blair Walsh or Greg Zuerlein or, I don't know, a fruit compote. To put it simpler, Randy Bullock made me think of better kickers. That is never a good thing.

Well, that's all I've got this week, make your voice heard in the comments below...even though nobody will be able to actually hear you.

Titans vs Texans coverage