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The MDC Memorial Blacklist, Week Three (Texans v. Ravens)

We'll laugh, we'll cry...mostly we'll cry, then we'll throw up and feel immediately better afterward. I hope. Take a look at the special teams report from the Texans' loss to the Ravens last week.

The Two Minutes Hate
The Two Minutes Hate

You know, I've seen some really bad football games in my time; I mean a real grab bag of garbage, and watching Sunday's game against the Ravens, let alone keeping an eye on the special teams, was just difficult.

Because I don't want to relive that game any more than y'all want to, and because this is taking me a lot longer than I'd prefer to write, we're going to change the way we operate the list here.

Since it's Week Three, we now have actual data to use to get a better baseline on how the Texans' special teams are faring compared to the league average.

But first, let's take a look at last week's stats for both sides. Yes, there's a reason. No, it's not to make you cry.

Week 3: Texans v. Baltimore

Texans Special Teams

Punt Returns: 2
Punt Yards Gained: 18
Longest Return: 11
Average: 9.0 YPC
TD: 0

Kickoff Returns: 2
Kickoff Yards Gained: 55
Longest Return: 29
Average: 27.5 YPC
TD: 0

Punts: 5
Yards Gained: 252
Longest Punt: 59
Average: 50.4 YPA
Net Gain:
Inside the 20: 3
Touchbacks: None

Kickoffs: 3
Kickoff Yards: 210
Touchbacks: 1
Extra Points Attempted: 0
Extra Points Made: Take a big fat guess.
Field Goals Attempted: 3
Field Goals Made: 3 (27, 29, 47)

Ravens Special Teams

Punt Returns: 2
Punt Yards Gained: 93
Longest Return: 82
Average: 46.5 YPC
TD: 1

Kickoff Returns: 2
Kickoff Yards Gained: 53
Longest Return: 31
Average: 26.5 YPC
TD: 0

Punts: 4
Yards Gained: 194
Longest Punt: 56
Average: 48.5 YPA
Net Gain: 44 YPA
Inside the 20: 0
Touchbacks: 0

Kickoffs: 7
Kickoff Yards: 466
Touchbacks: 5
Extra Points Attempted: 3
Extra Points Made: 3
Field Goals Attempted: 3
Field Goals Made: 3 (28, 45, 43)

Texans' Cumulative Special Teams Stats

Punt Returns: 10
Punt Yards Gained: 48
Longest Return: 11
Average: 4.8 YPC (3.2 yards below the NFL average, tied for 21st in the league)
TD: 0

Punt Return Average Yardage Against: 16.6 YPA (8.6 yards above NFL average, ranked 31st in the league)

Kickoff Returns: 10
Kickoff Yards Gained: 275
Longest Return: 46
Average: 27.5 YPC (3.7 yards above the NFL average, ranked 7th in the league)
TD: 0

Kickoff Return Average Yardage Against: 31.7 YPA (7.9 yards above NFL average, ranked 30th in the league)

Punts: 15
Yards Gained: 725
Longest Punt: 61
Average: 48.3 YPA
Net Gain: 39.3
Inside the 20: 11
Touchbacks: 1

Kickoffs: 12
Kickoff Yards: 784
Touchbacks: 9
Extra Points Attempted: 6
Extra Points Made: 6
Field Goals Attempted: 8
Field Goals Made: 4 (32.42% behind NFL average, tied for 30th in the league)

Penalties: 1 - Offensive Holding (10 Yards)

Tirade Alert: (About Tandon Doss' punt return touchdown) "We had three guys free around him. He made them all miss. To me it's inexcusable." -- Joe Marciano

Hang on a minute, Joe. I watched that play. CBS made damn sure I saw that return a minimum of 54 times. He did not "make them miss."  They didn't even move from their spot. Each one of them had an angle on him, and if either Bryan Braman, Shiloh Keo, or D.J. Swearinger had taken that angle, we wouldn't be having this one-sided chat here.

No, this is not them missing. This is poor coverage, plain and simple. The stats I listed earlier bear that out. 30th in kickoff return yardage allowed. 31st in punt return yardage allowed. It is the poor coverage that we Texans fans have come to know, expect, and hate from your special teams unit. Claiming they "missed" implies an effort made on their parts to prevent Doss from going any farther, which there wasn't. What's more, claiming THEY "missed" also takes the onus of crappy special teams coverage off of your shoulders and foists it onto theirs. I hold you personally responsible for that touchdown, Joe, because these special teams players haven't learned a damn thing under your tutelage.

Marciano Grade of the Week: D-

Reason: Re-read previous statement. TL;DR version: Better punting and a good return game isn't enough to cover up the special teams' inability to cover the other team's returners.

This Week On The Blacklist:

Oh, there are so many names to put on the list this week. So in no particular order, here are this week's candidates.

Wade Smith: On Wednesday, I saw on Twitter a message from "WadeSmithFound." Wade, my first reaction to that name should not be "So that's why Wade wasn't in Baltimore on Sunday.  He was kidnapped!" You get a high spot on the List.

Matt Schaub: Look, I get the O-Line is wretched, but you can't play like a scared rabbit and expect to win.

Kareem Jackson: TURN YOUR HEAD. It's that simple, KJax.  If you turn your head, you don't get pass interference calls.

Bryan Braman: If you have a bead on a guy, take it.

Shiloh Keo: See above statement.

D.J. Swearinger: See above statement. Also, I don't want to hear another "swag" out of you until you become at least vaguely competent at playing the footed ball.

Derek Newton: I'm still trying to figure out how you can give up a sack AND get called for holding in the SAME PLAY. I will be figuring out that conundrum until the day I die.

Ugh, I need a drink. Leave your comments at the door.

Texans vs Ravens coverage