Hair Of The Dog: Party Like It's 2008 (Seahawks v. Texans)

Oh, boy. I've been worried about this game all week. When the schedule was first released, every Texans fan immediately looked at the three game stretch of Baltimore, Seattle, and San Francisco and thought, "Damn."

Despite the fact that they're the Super Bowl champs, I personally thought that the Baltimore game would be the most manageable of the three. After last week's performance, though, I now find myself curled up like David Carr and crying about what may come.

Yet, despite the trepidation, we always watch with the belief that the team will be able to pull things together. There's no question that the Texans' roster has the talent to win this game, if they can simply stop playing like idiots.

Game Day Meal:

Today, I have a craving for something German. Perhaps it's the smell of Oktoberfest in the air. Perhaps it's the memory of my wife's homemade pretzels. Or perhaps it's the the fact that in preparation for the Seattle game, I felt like it would be a good idea to infuse the entire meal with homebrew.

So, today, we're having brats (poached in homebrew, onion, garlic, and peppercorn), served in homemade pretzel buns (poached in a solution including homebrew prior to baking), with sauerkraut (poached in homebrew), and a warm German potato salad (which, I'm sorry to say, contains no homebrew... though it does have bacon).

And to drink, cherry coke. No, just kidding. Homebrew.

Beer of the Day:

Today is really a celebration of homebrew, but just for you, the loyal reader, I went and bought an authentic German beer. I honestly knew very little about this beer when I purchased it, but that's actually one of the reasons why I chose it. I didn't spend too much time researching in advance, but my local butcher was selling it, so I snagged one when I bought the brats. The beer in question is Arber Spezial made by Dampfbierbrauerei Zwiesel.

I'm actually a little disappointed because I thought it woudl be similar to the Dampfbier steam beer, which is a crisp, amber, and very malty beer.  Instead, it's a helles (though I didn't see that on the label) which is a pale German lager.  Helles are curretnly my "go to" beach beer as it is a great beer for a hot day (the Tampa based Cigar City Brewery has one called Hotter than Helles which comes in cans and is specifically my beach beer), and this is a pretty good one.  It's a very lightly hopped and with a bit of a fruity nose (though that comes form the grain bill as this must adhere to the reinheitsgebot).  The head retention is kind of weak, but that's not too surprising for a German lager.  Overall, a well made beer, but it wouldn't be my top choice for the banquet I mentioned above.  Good thing there's homebrew on tap.

Pregame:

Vega:

I'm scared of this game. So much so, that I'm already a couple beers in.

TDC:

I'll make you feel better: Seattle's missing 3 of their 5 starting offensive linemen, including LT Russell Okung.

Corzo:

We're at replacement level for 3/5 offensive lineman, also.

Rivers:

The truth, she be harsh.

First Quarter:

Corzo:

Texans elect to receive. Wish they would defer and set the tone defensively.

Mbw:

Ryan Harris got worked.

Rivers:

Yes, yes he did. As usual.

Mbw:

That's a weak 3 points to start the game.

Corzo:

Andre getting some YAC. Looking like a youngster out there.

UT:

My wife is cheering for the Hawks next to me.

That's grounds for divorce, right?

Mbw:

As long as you get to keep the dog.

Corzo:

Andre getting a catch on Sherman makes me giddy.

Corzo (after the tip pick):

Ugh... tip drill

UT:

Okay, I know we joke about WTF interceptions here.

But THAT was a WTF interception.

Rivers:

Sherman was playing deep all the way on that catch. Been focusing on that battle when it happens. Andre has not gotten the better of it against press coverage yet.

UT:

Did Lynch coat himself in peanut oil or something, tackle that sumbitch!!

Corzo:

Beast mode just broke 100 tackles.

Corzo:

J.J. Watt just Clowney'd that dude.

UT (after the Watt/Ninja combo-sack):

Now THAT is what we needed, that's what I've been looking for!

Mbw:

It would be cool if Houston threw the ball on first down at least one time.

MDC (still not watching, but still chiming in):

THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT, WESTON!

Second Quarter:

Corzo (after the Graham TD):

Beautiful throw by Schaub!! Wow. Perfect read for the long score to Graham.

UT:

Tight ends all day baby. Attack them linebackers.

Mbw:

Schaub needs to grow a goatee and turn into evil Schaub to get the mojo going again.

Rivers:

That looked like a busted coverage to me. I'll still take it.

Mbw:

Houston's offense is looking like it has the first two games except they're doing well on 3rd down. Dat run pass balance

Mbw:

Great use of hands by MERC.

Mbw:

I have no idea what constitutes a false start, PI, helmet to helmet hit, and offsides anymore.

UT:

Andre Johnson = Unbreakable Sword

Richard Sherman = Impenetrable Shield

It's been fun watching the sword break the shield so far.

Mbw:

Houston never gets anything when they throw the ball in the flat.

Vega:

Gotta give Schaub credit for a great throw to OD there. Floaters....

Corzo:

Great throw, better catch to Owen Daniels stretching out to put us in the red zone. NEED TOUCHDOWN HERE.

TDC:

This team is ticked off and it shows. I've never seen them like this.

UT:

Did they actually put in Ben Jones in place of Wade Smith? If so, what took them so damn long?

UT:

Cushing just beasted Beast Mode in the beastiest way possible.

UT:

Actually, since Cushing just mastered Beast Mode...does that make him the Beastmaster?

BFD (who, oddly enough, still exists):

This is a very angry looking Texans squad.

UT:

This is what makes the Seahawks such a good scoring defense. They give up yards in the middle of the field more often than I like, but they lock down the red zone when they get there.

Regardless...kitten!

Mbw:

Pancakes says Joseph is hurt and Harris is coming in. Oh god.

UT:

I don't think I've seen Arian make a cut like that in a long time. More of this please.

UT:

Oh kitten. That looks bad for Bennett. God, I hope he's okay.

Corzo:

Oh wow, yea that looked bad. Head went way back.

UT:

Without a helmet too. That's frightening right there.

Vega:

Hope it's just precautionary.

Halftime:

UT:

The one thought I keep thinking is "God this is looking a lot like the Hawks/Falcons game in the playoffs last year." Hopefully the outcome remains the same.

Third Quarter:

Corzo:

Three down lineman on 2nd and 21 for the Texans. Mercilus, Watt and Antonio. I like it.

Vega:

I never get tired of watching Foster's patience.

Vega:

Schaub completely missed the fact that he had a free play there.

Bayless (and so it begins):

Anyone else's stomach gripped by a feeling of dread right now?

Corzo:

YOU CAN'T STOP WATT.

You can only hope to contain him. Forcing the punt after 3rd and 1.

D_more:

jj watt is great, that is all.

tGC:

... aaand the Ben Tate fumble meme rears its ugly head again.

UT:

Those visions of Atlanta last year are growing now.

Mbw:

Their O-Line is too horrendous to be worried yet.

Vega:

The way the defense is playing, I'm cautiously optimistic.

Of course, as a Texans fan, "cautiously optimistic" means I'm hyperventilating but I don't need to call the paramedics yet.

Corzo:

Holy kitten, Watt is going full-on Cushing.

tGC:

Arian Foster is starting to look like a haiku again.

Vega:

How is it possible that Keshawn Martin can catch a punt in traffic, but can't catch a ball thrown right at him?

tGC:

Shane Lechler looks like he's punting darts somehow.

Corzo:

Lechler pinned them deep again. 99 touchdown drive incoming? Please, no.

Vega:

Shut it, Corzo!

Earlier, after Lynch's beast mode run, my brother-in-law (a Dolphins fan) was cheering the play and I told him, "you're in my house drinking my homebrew, and I just cooked you lunch. I don't care who you root for, but you better at least make it look like it's the Texans."

Fourth Quarter:

D_more:

I feel afraid for Wilson on the goal line, Watt might kill him.

UT (after the Baldwin catch that was ultimately reversed):

He better not kill him.

Also, hate to say it, but that's a catch.

Corzo:

Ugh, tip toe catch? Is there enough evidence to overturn? The toe might be just touching the white line. No green in between, atleast.

Vega:

I think that's a catch.

I blame Corzo's pessimism.

tGC:

Full credit, that was a ridiculous catch.

UT:

My wife's reaction: That's a catch worthy of Steve Largent. Apparently he was really great at keeping his feet inbounds.

Mbw:

I would trade a Houston comeback loss for a Rangers win today.

Yeah I said it.

Author's note: Get 'im, boys. Get 'im.

D_more:

And I say f@#@ the Rangers.

UT:

I believe this is called "treason."

tGC:

The Rangers winning? That's just wack.

Every deep throw against the Texans is like a yellow flag lottery.

Corzo:

WIlson is doing his scramble thing and I'm terrified.

tGC:

Here we go, with the out of the blue scoring drive by the opposing team that makes the game closer than it should be.

I could really do without that.

D_more:

I hope all the bad things in life happen to the Rangers and only the Rangers. I hate the Rangers' guts.

Rivers:

Even if the Rangers win, their manager will find a way to make them choke in the playoffs. No worries.

Vega:

I read that as "make them coke". Still made sense.

Vega:

Mercilus has been fantastic today.

tGC (after Wilson's 4th down run):

GODMOTHERKITTENINGDAMMIT

Vega (after Lynch's way-too-easy TD):

Wow... that was too easy. Not like they should have expected a play there or anything.

Again... this drive was all Corzo's fault.

D_more:

all corzo's fault.

Mbw:

Also Cushing is out for the rest of the game with a concussion. All the pressure is on the O and Schaub.

Vega:

Schaub has the pocket presence of a rock

Mbw:

Yep and Newton got trashed on that sack.

tGC:

It just can't be easy, can it?

It can never be easy.

tGC (after J-Jo's pick):

I WANT TO MARRY JJO.

Corzo:

Attaboy Swearinger and Joseph! Please sustain a drive offense!

tGC (after Schaub's pick six... again... his third kittening pick six in the past three kittening games):

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D_more:

#schaubing

Corzo:

Are you kidding me, Schaub? 3 kittening pick sixes in 3 kittening games. Kitten.

UT:

OH MOTHER KITTENING GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!

Matt, this one is on you.

I'm getting a beer.

tGC:

Well, at least we get the ball back!

Vega:

What the kitten is going in his head that he can possibly consider that to be a good decision.

Corzo:

I'm gonna chain smoke from my girlfriend's 2002 Camry's muffler if the Texans lose this game.

Vega:

So... you burn 35 seconds off the clock and then call a timeout.

Overtime:

Mbw:

The worst coaching decision of the day in the NFL might be sending Tavaris Jackson out to make the coin toss. He goes tails its heads.

Corzo:

Overtime after getting shutout the entire second half.

At least we won the toss.

TDC:

Corzo:

Andre with a nice catch on a "rub" route just like BK called it out.

Vega:

When the pocket starts to break down, I can feel Schaub's panic from Florida.

UT:

It's almost David Carr-esque panic.

Vega:

Wow... and Sharpton just gets stupid.

Vega:

According to Advanced NFL Stats, with 4:27 remaining in the 4th quarter, the Texans had a 96% chance of winning.

UT:

Schaub running the ball. The apocalypse is officially nigh.

Vega:

I'm not sure I would call that "running".

Vega (after a long punt return and a penalty):

Marciano felt left out that Schaub was blowing this game by himself.

Mbw (after the game):

Matt Schaub is the kid who eats his boogers that no one wants to sit next to during lunch

tGC:

So sadly unsuprising.

Rivers:

It's bad that I actually contemplated what the Bucs would want for Josh Freeman, right? I feel like that's bad.

BFD:

This was the Schaubiest game that was ever Marcianoed.

Vega:

My wife just asked, "Don't they have another quarterback?"

Mbw:

I now know what it feels like to be a Cowboys fan. You think your team is really good, you blow games and end up going 8-8 at the end of the season.

Bayless:

First pack of cigarettes I've bought in month's.

So, there you have it. The Texans are now officially bad for your health.

That, and I think I'm officially jealous of MDC's boycott. He's probably a happier person for it.

I'm not sure if it's worse to lose like this or the way things went last week. Last week was disgusting, but less painful. This week provided hope, but far more painful. I guess at the end of the day, you have to say they both suck.

On the bright side, I don't know if anyone else is giving much thought to the Game Day Meal, but I'm enjoying the hell out of that, and it's actually giving me something to look forward to on Sundays.

Game Balls:

Offense: Arian Foster actually looked like Arian Foster again, and that's against one of the best defenses in the league. If the Texans had just picked Tim out of the stands, put him at quarterback, and had him just hand off to Foster in the 4th quarter, the Texans probably win.

Defense: Mercilus was one of the better players out there. He had six tackles and 2.5 sacks. It's important for the team to have someone that can take advantage of the attention that Watt and Cushing are drawing and Mercilus definitely did that today.

Special Teams: Whatever. Shane Lechler was good again, but not as outstanding as he was the last few weeks. Bullock did about what was expected. Otherwise, it was... blah. A few stupid penalties, and some unspectacular play. Screw it, I don't give a kitten. You pick one.

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