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Hair of the Dog: More Kitten Than Dog

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The Texans can give up 24 points in the time it takes you to read this post. Check out what the BRB staff had to say as the Texans' memorable loss to the Steelers on MNF unfolded.

Yup
Yup
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

There's a lot on my mind lately, so non-football ADD intro!

  • I went to the Disney Food and Wine festival this past weekend.  It's not a cheap evening, but if you get a chance to go, it's a wildly entertaining time.  The food is surprisingly high quality and the drink is, well, plentiful.  My top three foods were as follows:  3)  Farm Fresh: Pepper bacon hash with sweet corn, potato, hollandaise and pickled jalapeno -- just missing a fried egg; 2)  Canada:  Trout with bacon and ice wine vinagrette -- brilliant combination of smoky and sweet; 1) Brazil:  Crispy pork belly with black beans, tomato and cilantro -- just AMAZING.  
  • I'm excited to see the Kansas City Royals in the World Series if only because it gives me hope as an Astros fan.  I just hope it takes less than 30 years.
  • I'm drinking a 16% barleywine that is by far the strongest beer I've ever made. I brewed it last Christmas and really should age it much longer, but I'm an impatient bastard.
  • Does it bother anyone else that in the commercial where J.J. Watt convinces the chaperoning teacher that she can watch the game on her phone, the image of the game doesn't include the Texans?
  • I was excited to see hockey season start.  Then it started.  Life as a Panthers fan.

Texans score a TD on their opening drive:

BFD:

First offensive play, there are three WR, one TE, and Foster.  They put seven in the box.  No respect for #HoboQB at all.  None.

MDC:

Can you blame them? He's basically a bearded David Carr at this point.

Captain Ron:

The beard escapes and we got a first down during the first series?!!  What sorcery is this?!!!

Corzo:

FITZMAGIC

Vega:

Foster gives me goose bumps, but does anyone else get nervous on every tackle?

BFD:

I may have underestimated the kitten-ness of Pitt's defense.

mbw:

Them and their old balls, gross

Captain Ron:

I'll take it!....and the teleportation device in which it stands!

Whitney Mercilus forces a Ben Roethlisberger fumble which is, of course, recovered by J.J. Watt:

Brett:

Did Mercilus actually beat a tackle one on one? WTF? That's allowed?

Rivers:

This whole game is giving me a weird vibe. It's probably just because, you know, the Texans are playing well.

mbw:

That was cool. Mercilus being unable to bring down the quarterback when he gets there some how farts his way into forcing a fumble.

Vega:

Hey, credit where credit is due.  That was a nice play by Mercilus.  Ben escapes a lot and he managed to hold on.

mbw:

Hahahaha he was unblocked off the stunt.

The Texans completely collapse on themselves at the end of the first halfL

BFD:

If you have Danieal Manning returning kicks, you deserve that fate.

BFD:

Ohsunovakitten.

Brett:

Lol wtf was that kitten.

BFD:

Can we sign Brown as our QB?

Brett:

ARE YOU KITTENING KIDDING ME.

Vega:

Was that the famous 10 yard cushion in the red zone?  Is Richard Smith back?

BFD:

This is one of the most amazing chain of events I've ever seen.  Only the Texans are capable of such insanity.

Rivers:

What am I even watching?

BFD:

This all started when Cushing was smoked in coverage.

Captain Ron:

There is still 14 seconds left.  Surely the Texans can surrender even more points.....

Non-sequitur second half comments:

Brett:

I hate this game.

Vega:

The best part about this field goal is that it reduces the chances of overtime.

BFD:

When you purposefully allow Danieal Manning to return kicks, are you just giving up?

Rivers:

I've run out of adjectives.

Corzo:

Can't believe we couldn't recover that.  Actually I absolutely CAN believe we couldn't recover that onside kick.

Brett:

I just want Mallett and Clowney now just to see what we have in them. That's all I care about at this point.

Captain Ron:

It's not too late to go 3-13!

Other random comments that made me laugh:

Brett (pregame):

Who gets torched more often tonight...Brice McCain or whatever corner is covering Antonio Brown?

Captain Ron:

You spelled "Swearinger" wrong.

BFD:

Romeo Crennel, for some reason, reminds me of The Comic Book Guy.

Tim (who apparently travels with the team every week):

I am at Heinz Field.  And this place is a tomb.  Zero home field advantage

Rivers:

Cush is playing with Ed Reed speed right now.

Vega:

So if I saw that correctly, the Steelers tried to get the Texans to jump.  The Texans jumped.  The Steelers did not snap.  The Steelers then take a penalty despite the fact that they have Roethlisberger and Blount on the field and only need 3 inches.

Diehard Chris:

I'm just going to start calling the empty set "3rd & Fitzpatrick"

Vega:

I wish the NFL would take away the coach's ability to call a timeout.

I just don't even know what to say anymore.  Too many breakdowns.  Too many mistakes.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  Even the studs have gotten into the act with Foster and Hopkins fumbling in critical spots; just like Andre last week.

The team simply doesn't have enough talent.  The linebackers are slow.  Cushing looks like he has had a promising career stolen from him -- he's just not the same player anymore.  The secondary is inconsistent, though more consistently bad.  The defensive line, Watt aside, can't put consistent pressure on the quarterback and can't clog the run.

Offensively, the line is meh.  The tight ends are invisible.  The wide receivers are great with the 'Andres, but garbage beyond that.  And then there's Fitzpatrick.  I think my opinion on him has been clear.

When you add that all up, this team needs a number of breaks to go their way if they're going to win games.  You know, kind of like all those red zone turnovers from the early weeks (those were the daaaaayyyys).  If a game plays out like it did on Monday night, though, with all the loose balls bouncing against the Texans, it's simply too much to overcome.  A better team may be able to do it, but not this one.

Game Balls:

Offense:  Ugh... pass.

Defense:  Whitney Mercilus.   I know my colleagues will disagree with me, but I think the guy needs a little credit for his play recently.  He's not going to turn into a Hall of Famer, and he'll probably lose his job when Jadeveon Clowney gets back.  I'm okay with that.  On the other hand, we've been screaming about how nobody can take advantage of all of Watt's double teams.  Mercilus may not be making anyone regret the Clowney pick, but he's doing his job.  If we could say that much about the rest of the team, maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

Special Teams:  I'm tempted to give this to Alfred Blue for a couple of nice plays on the fake punt and in downing a punt at the one, but Danieal Manning's kitteniness prevents me from praising anyone in this space.  Sorry, Blue.