Hair of the Dog: I Didn't Want That Stupid Cup Anyway

I love my wife's family.  I really do.  But watching football with them is a painful experience.  We were visiting my wife's family on Sunday and they live in a farm out in the middle of nowhere.  The farm is in Dolphins territory, but since the Fins had a bye, the Texans and Cowboys were on.  This was great news, as I thought I was going to have to watch the game on delay (though I still couldn't participate in the HotD as there's virtually no cell signal out there, and they don't have wifi).

Unfortunately, while my father-in-law is a big Dolphins fan, the rest of them aren't exactly BRB regulars, so the experience was as follows.

Them:  How much does the waterboy make?

Me:  I don't know.

Them (after Romo's impossible long TD pass):  Yay!  Oh, wait... is that your team?

Me:  No

Them (after not paying attention to the game for a while):  Oh... how did Dallas score?

Me:  I don't want to relive it.

Sometimes I'm a little sad that I watch just about every game by myself on the couch.  Sometimes I miss it.  On to the Dog.

Author's note:  If you watched the game at all -- and if you're reading this, you probably did -- you know that absolutely nothing of interest happened in the first half.  So we're going to jump straight to the third quarter.

On the Texans' first Q3 drive, Arian Foster decides to just take matters into his own hands:

BFD:

Foster is so smooooooooooooooth.

Corzo:

Damn Foster is a sexy runner.

BFD:

There's an amazing amount of red in that stadium.  Kitten the Cokeboys.

Tim:

Guessing, but I'd say this stadium is 40% Texans fans.  There is not much of a homefield advantage.

mbw, a/k/a Captain Bringdown

It makes me sad running backs don't play forever. I wish we could have more time watching him his peak.

Tony Romo escapes J.J. Watt and nails Dez Bryant for a long TD:

mbw:

Even though Watt didn't bring Romo down that get off past Smith was kittening incredible

Rivers:

Kitten. Gotta take down Romo when you get that chance.

Corzo:

Romo is a goddamnned wizard sometimes.

Kendrick Lewis intercepts Tony Romo in the 4th quarter:

BFD:

Kendrick Lewis is a turnover machine in the red zone.  Just amazing.

Brett:

He got burned on the Williams TD, but he definitely just made up for it with me.

Ron:

How many red zone turnovers on the season for the defense is that now?

MDC:

I keep wanting to call him Kendrick Lamar.

The Texans tie the game late in the fourth quarter:

BFD:

Holy kitten.

BFD:

GO FOR TWO!!!

Corzo:

Time to delete my recap headline

BFD:

Premature pontifibation.

Dan Bailey misses a potential game winning kick at the end of regulation:

Brett:

BAILEY MISSED!

What. A. Kittening. Game.

mbw:

Man this team is lucky.

Kitten you Fouts for claiming icing is why he missed that kick.

Tim:

You should know "COWBOYS WIN" flashed across the screens here after Bailey missed that kick.

MDC:

I threatened my dog that I would kick him in the face if Dallas made it. Lucky dog.

Dallas wins in overtime:

Corzo:

Jesus f***ing Christ.  Dez Bryant with a catch of the year candidate.

BFD:

Bragging rights will never belong to Dallas.  Ever.

mbw:

Teddy Bridgewater would have blocked that field goal.

This team/season is the silliest thing I've ever seen.

Corzo:

Getting blown out is an atrocious experience. I'd take a nail-biter every time.

Anticipated response: Watching Ryan Fitzpatrick is an atrocious experience.

MDC:

Nailbiter makes people convince themselves that the team doesn't have huge problems.

It does.

Rivers:

I mean, all the team needs to do is keep forcing two red zone turnovers a game on defense. Totally sustainable!

Other comments that made me laugh:

Ron:

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest Romo's armpits.

Brett:

Can anyone explain how Kendrick Lewis magically forces a red zone turnover in every game? Holy kitten.

Tim:

Guys, I am at JerruhWorld, and I have to say:  It is amazing.  The very fact that I have a signal to send this e-mail makes Jerruh the NFL's Prometheus.

BFD:

You're going to light a match and drop it when you leave, right???

mbw:

This offense makes me wish I went church today instead.

BFD:

The Corpse of Danieal Manning took it out from 9 yards deep in the end zone.  Results not surprising.

What a frustrating game.  Sure, the defense got some breaks, but they played very well.  In today's NFL, giving up 17 points is good enough to win.  When Foster is running like he is and you have the 'Dres out wide, 17 points should be enough.

Fitzpatrick didn't really "lose" the game today.  He didn't have a Schaubian moment in that respect, but he didn't do anything to help the team win.  Considering the way the game played out, a competent quarterback should have been able to win.  There were plays available that just weren't made -- I remember one in particular where Andre Johnson was wide open in the end zone and the team had to settle for a field goal.

This team has good enough weapons and is in a bad enough division that they could definitely make the playoffs, but hopefully mediocrity doesn't prevent O'Brien from realizing that change is needed.

Game Balls:

Offense: Arian Foster.  For a guy with a gimpy hamstring, he sure doesn't run like a guy with a gimpy hamstring.  What a joy watching this guy run the ball.

Defense: Kendrick Lewis.  He missed the opportunity to make a play on the long TD catch, but the guy caused a red zone fumble early and had a red zone pick late.  He's the Texans' very own Godwin Igwebuike (GO CATS!)

Special Teams: Alfred Blue.  Blue had a few big plays in special teams, including recovering the fumble and saving a TD.  I really should give this to the Cowboys' special teams, though.

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