First Half Kickoff
Rivers: Okay, football.
Brett: Mallett gets the ball first. Moment of truth.
BFD: Let the Ryan Mallett Experience begin.
Lobbed Incompletion to Andre Johnson
BFD: Andre needs to start acting interested in the game again.
Debbie DownerRivers: Andre hasn't had a good hands year. Also that ball, thrown with the proper depth, is probably 6.
The Swoon Begins in Earnest
Brett: Wow, Hopkins. The ball just jumps off Mallett's hands.
BFD: Big, easy arm. Goodness.
BFD: Ummmm, wow? Mallett looks like he knows WTF he's doing out there.
Brett: Mallett throwing a fade to Watt for a TD. Is this heaven?
Rivers Exists to Fart on Your Happiness
Rivers: The Browns are not good at the whole defense thing.
BFD: 12th, according to that FO site, so they ain't bad.
Corzo: Rivers, for once in your life, just enjoy this !!!!!!!!!!!
Rivers: That's pretty misleading. They're closer to 24th than 6th. And that's with the benefit of getting Andy Dalton's poop game on their record.
Brett: Ugh. I hate freak interceptions. They always happen to us.
Chris: I don't think that was freak. 15 just didn't put it outside enough.
Brett: Could have been pushed a few yards more outside, yep. Still wish Hop pulled it in.
Corzo: Man, Fiedorowicz was wide open on that pick.
The Other Side of the Ball
BFD: Swearinger is a kittening dumpster fire out there.
Rivers: That 2013 draft class just looks better and better.
Corzo: Watt's tenacious D on punt coverage has been a liability.
Capt. Ron: Willing to buy a pass rush.
Capt. Ron: Accounting firm of J.J. Watt; managing debits and credits across the whole journal today.
Rivers: Tight ends are part of an NFL offense?
BFD: Holy kitten, did that just happen? This offense looks shockingly different.
Brett: It's amazing what happens when Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't the quarterback.
Capt. Ron: Football IQ + 8-foot point of release + velocity + target placement = good eats!
Second Half Gets Underway
Brett: Crick damn near pulled a Watt right there and Cush just had the hit of the year. Love it.
Capt. Ron Cushing Drilling, Ltd.
Brett: That's PI on Bouye. He got away with one.
Capt. Ron: Nice blocking by Hopkins on the outside there for Blue's 1st-down.
Capt. Ron: Can we please delete the bubble screens to 'Dre from the game-plans going forward? SMH.
Capt. Ron: Aside from missing that call on Bouye, I'd like to take a moment and thank Ed Hochuli's crew for the best officiating I have seen all season.
Corzo: ED HERCULES!
Brett: It's been quite refreshing, yep.
Capt. Ron: 'Dre still trying to adjust his hand to eye coordination for incoming missiles.
Brett: Ryan Mallett went after Joe Kitten Haden back shoulder on fourth down. The balls on this guy...
Capt. Ron: Up-tempo, TEs involved, running game benefiting from the passing game, and chain-moving passes....looks like "Patriots South" has arrived. Mallett's completions only suffering from receivers still learning how to catch fastballs.
MDC: Haden tried to ninja kick that s#!t away because the ball got there too quickly for his hands to react.
Capt. Ron: I have never seen a football crack the air as fast as Mallett's.
Brett: Mallett's ball placement has been spotty at times, but the fact that he CAN throw deep has opened up the run game so much.
Tim: Who will be the first to bitch that O'Brien waited too long to bench Fitzpatrick?
MDC: If Brett won't, I will.
BFD: I've been bitching about #HoboQB since the second week. Doesn't that count?
Capt. Ron: If the Texans don't draft a FS in 2015, I may start a riot on Kirby.
Capt. Ron: If the Texans don't draft an OT in 2015, I may start a riot on Kirby.
Brett: I've kind of resigned this year to be a lost season for Clowney. He didn't have a proper offseason due to injury, barely played in preseason, got hurt, and hasn't gotten to play this year much either. Next year will be where I make my judgment.
BFD: That was an amazing game by Watt. He never, ever stops or slows down.